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ProtagonistLily -> RE: Advice,please... (8/31/2005 8:28:46 AM)
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quote:
My thoughts too...~sigh~...the trouble is,he was the only person who seemed willing to look past the fact that i am a plus size lady and not what men consider attractive...i don't feel this should be a bar to me finding a Dom,as i consider myself a responsive and compliant sub despite my physical shortcomings...but i'm not so desperate as to say'any port in a storm',so i think i will simply forget about him.
Darlin, you say "Plus sized lady" like it's a bad thing. And it's not. I'm a plus sized lady and I have a little story for you.
I went to a local munch in March of this year. I hadn't been to a munch in a long time and was a little late and sat next to a man I didn't know. I introduced myself, chatted with him for a while and we both made each other laugh. I wasn't interested in him as a Dom, but he was nice and a good conversationalist. When the conversation came around to 'so, where do you meet people' I asked him if he was on any of the dating sites. He mentioned he was on CM and I asked his profile name. When he told me I remembered him instantly. I'd browsed him, and it said at the bottom "No Heavies". Obviously, I chucked him aside in the pile of unacceptables and moved on. I certainly wasn't interested in someone who would summarily dismiss me before he ever met me.
After that, I'd see him at parties, and he was always very nice to me. We'd sit and talk for a while, and usually we'd laugh a lot. This went on for a couple of months with little e-mails in between, just to check in and say hi.
The night before my birthday, we were both at a local kink social and he had been paying a lot of attention to me lately, both in e-mails and on that night. As he walked me to my car, I asked him point blank if he was flirting with me (Yes, I know, not particularly 'subbie' of me ~smirk~) He said that yes, he guessed he was and I called him on his profile. I said "You know, I've seen your profile, it says 'no heavies'. He said at the time he wrote that, he didn't know me. I told him that my state of heaviness was unlikely to change. He said he was ok with that.
This man, who didn't think he could deal with a Plus Sized submissive has been called Sir since the beginning of July. He saw past the package (which I dare say is anything but unattractive) and pursued the firey, spirited girl inside.
So my point darlin is, it shouldn't matter. Perhaps you are so uncomfortable with yourself that it becomes a stumbling point for you. I've never felt as if my size was a factor in my ability to be active in my local scene, to find people I trusted to play with or find the Dom of my dreams. If you are making excuses for what you look like, or taking the first Dom who shows up because you feel less than because you are plus sized, you might want to take a serious look at that, and turn your personal negative feelings into positive ones.
Best of luck,
Lily
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