Boundry Issues

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Boundry Issues

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Boundry Issues

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Boundry Issues - 1/23/2008 12:46:59 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

Ok Ladies,
As one Domina to another, what are your thoughts regarding boundries? Which boundries are HARD boundries and is there ever any reason why you would forgive your submissive if he/she should cross it?

Ok for those of you who feel like I am doing as this icon dipicts, I will put it there for You <s>

I would appreciate some feedback on this. Thank You all in advance <s>

_____________________________

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/23/2008 4:37:06 PM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Boundaries or limits - if something is a HARD LIMIT it should not be crossed - PERIOD. Strict and severe punishment would be given if a set in stone rule is violated. If you don't, you will actually lose respect not holding strong to your words, and it can easily be a slippery slope for your sub not following your orders. NOT ACCEPTABLE!

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/23/2008 6:04:53 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

Sandy,
Thank You for responding. I was fixin' to delete this thread actually since no one had responded. I am no longer in need of advice on this situation. Heartbreakingly, I have resolved the issue of boundries as well as other issues. I appreciate your posts, it helped re-assure me that I am on the right track.

_____________________________

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/24/2008 4:37:05 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Sorry to hear the outcome was heart breaking.

My main boundary is fidelity/loyalty. My sub flirting with other women (especially Dommes) is a hard, hard, hard limit.

Have I ever been cheated on? No, actually. I have been lucky (or ignorance truly is bliss!)

But it shows such utter, utter disrespect I won't even consider subs that have ever cheated on other women. That's why I don't touch married men. I just hate liars and cheats that much.

Any other hard boundaries? Not really. I am pretty forgiving of any other kind of human frailty. Submissive men can have bad days, bad moods and bad judgment, just like anyone else (including me). As long as he is truly sorry and willing to change, we get over it and move on.

But cheating or getting caught trying to cheat? Never, ever. He gets kicked to the curb, pronto!!!

PS: When I was younger, I walked out on my engagment because my "beloved" got really drunk (as usual), lost his temper (as usual), started yelling (as usual) and tried to hit me. I woke up that things would get worse, not better, after we married. I never let a man abuse me again. So domestic violence is another hard boundary with no wriggle room for forgiveness.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 1/24/2008 4:51:59 AM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/24/2008 6:46:26 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Frankly someone on either side of the dynamic breaking a hard limit would be the equivalent of ending the relationship in my household.

No punishment -- nothing to punish because the dynamic has not been respected and therefore has become null and void.

Very unlikely that there would be second chances either. If there were, it would be back to square one or ground zero as the expression goes.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/24/2008 8:16:53 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Ok Ladies,
As one Domina to another, what are your thoughts regarding boundries? Which boundries are HARD boundries and is there ever any reason why you would forgive your submissive if he/she should cross it?

Ok for those of you who feel like I am doing as this icon dipicts, I will put it there for You <s>

I would appreciate some feedback on this. Thank You all in advance <s>

Boundaries IMHO, are inherent in any type of relationship---vanilla, ours, parent/child--and there are moral, ethical, legal boundaries that to Me cannot be allowed to be broken or forgiven of they are---if one too many pieces of candy are taken from the jar, that doesn't harm life too much--but if money is taken from the money jar---that can harm life and is IMHO unforgiveable---

so I believe they need to be set, agreed to and adhered to---after all that's the purpose.

Childern have little respect for a parent that lets punishment and issues slide--it is no different from a submissive--I am not a doormat and neither are they---so I expect, followed, and when its serious--I stand firm.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/24/2008 1:04:01 PM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

[I am not a doormat and neither are they---so I expect, followed, and when its serious--I stand firm.

Now...I did already post to this, but just had to add - him being a doormat isn't that bad - I have a sub loves to be trampled and wishes he was my doormat

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/24/2008 4:07:43 PM

MsAlaria

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: Richmond, VA
Status: offline

Boundaries should always be respected, no matter the role. Like limits, some boundaries can be pushed or revisited as you gain knowledge of the other person as well as trust. Some are hard and fast, set in stone. For me, that would be lying. Lying for any reason is a deal breaker. There is no need for punishment because I will end the relationship. Honesty and trust are key in what we do.

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/24/2008 4:13:37 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I have a few boundaries as far as topics of conversation that are sore points. I dont hold it against the boys if they accedentaly cross them. I do, however, cut them off very quickly.
I have 2 firm hard boundaties I will not allow to be crossed without dismissal. One is infidelity. Both boys know they are not allowed to have any sort of sexual relation with another party aside from me. For Angel, permission might be given to pursue a relationshp elsewhere if he asks BEFORE pursuit, since he and I are not romantic partners.
My second is hate. I do not tolerate open hatred of anyone based on anythng short of personal experience. They can hate someone personally who has wronged them. They cannot hate someone for a religious decision, a political stance or a sexual orientation. I will NOT keep someone bigoted.

They both knew this before they came to me.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MsAlaria)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/24/2008 4:18:26 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

Thank you all for answering my post. It will be an uphill battle that is for sure, and for sure I will be lonely for a bit. When I am ready and I feel I have healed enough to consider another sub, I will.
To address a few things: No, he was not abusive, not a drug addict nor did he cheat on me. He was the best sub I have ever had, but *I* was not the Domina for him, even though he begs to differ. It is said that we always try to do what is best for our subs, in this case, I think I am.

_____________________________

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/24/2008 4:34:11 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Thank you all for answering my post. It will be an uphill battle that is for sure, and for sure I will be lonely for a bit. When I am ready and I feel I have healed enough to consider another sub, I will.
To address a few things: No, he was not abusive, not a drug addict nor did he cheat on me. He was the best sub I have ever had, but *I* was not the Domina for him, even though he begs to differ. It is said that we always try to do what is best for our subs, in this case, I think I am.

" Just because you are a sub does not mean you are My sub".. "Just because I am a Domina does not mean I am your Domina.."

Knowing this situation to a certain degree--I do not make these comments glibly---life changes---and when one breaks in a new submissive, there is always that chance that One or one will outgrow the O/other---yet, we all need room to grow and spread O/our wings---it is Our mission to leave him better than we found him and that is what You have done--My heart goes out to You.

You and he will survive--better for the life...

in time.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Boundry Issues - 1/26/2008 5:57:35 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Thank you all for answering my post. It will be an uphill battle that is for sure, and for sure I will be lonely for a bit. When I am ready and I feel I have healed enough to consider another sub, I will.
To address a few things: No, he was not abusive, not a drug addict nor did he cheat on me. He was the best sub I have ever had, but *I* was not the Domina for him, even though he begs to differ. It is said that we always try to do what is best for our subs, in this case, I think I am.

" Just because you are a sub does not mean you are My sub".. "Just because I am a Domina does not mean I am your Domina.."

Knowing this situation to a certain degree--I do not make these comments glibly---life changes---and when one breaks in a new submissive, there is always that chance that One or one will outgrow the O/other---yet, we all need room to grow and spread O/our wings---it is Our mission to leave him better than we found him and that is what You have done--My heart goes out to You.

You and he will survive--better for the life...

in time.

This is why you and I are such good friends M, because you have a way of saying just what needs to be said at any given moment. Now, where the heck have you been? lol

_____________________________

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 12