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AlterEgo69 -> Straight S. Florida dom probably moving to SF soon (1/23/2008 3:40:24 PM)
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I've been on collarme for a while (personals) but haven't participated much in the forums till now. Since I have decided to start reading and participating in the forums more actively, I thought I'd introduce myself.
I'm a straight dom currently living in south Florida (Ft. Lauderdale). I love the Florida weather (I lived in NYC before FL, and left because it was too cold) but I miss the surrounds of a cosmopolitan city. New York is often referred to as the intellectual capital of the world, and that's a big part of why I found living in lower Manhattan so appealing - until it got cold anyway! This would have been my first winter in cold weather in 15 years, but I bailed out the first time it snowed. I came back to Ft. Lauderdale because I used to live there and it was a warm, familiar place to go in my retreat from the NY winter.
Unfortunately... well... let's just say that while S. Florida has some of the very best winter weather in the country, I don't believe I've ever heard Ft. Lauderdale referred to as the intellectual capital of anything. Not even Broward county! :-) It really is a great place in many ways, but I think I'm more of a big-city, intellectual-capital-seeking kind of guy. NASCAR is not among my interests, if you know what I mean :-)
I am fortunate enough to have an occupation that allows me to live wherever I want, provided there is high speed Internet. As much as I HATE the thought of giving up that beautiful Florida weather, I think I'm probably going to move back to San Francisco (where I lived for 6 years in the 90s) around May.
I identify most strongly with the D/s aspects of BDSM, and also really enjoy bondage. In the beginning SM was actually a turn-off for me. That was before I tried it. If there's one lesson I've learned from my exploration of BDSM, it's not to judge that which you have not tried. Scat and watersports are still too far out for my taste, but as I've become more experienced, a lot of fetishes that I once considered "gross and disgusting" have suddenly become favorite activities.
My first BDSM experiences were what I'll call pseudo-matches. (I have about 7 yrs total experience, but much of the first 5 yrs was very light experimentation with inexperienced subs.) We identified differently and had overlaps of interest, but not a perfect fit by any stretch. Then this past year, my life changed forever. I met a sub with nearly identical interests and views on BDSM, and discovered how profound the emotional, rather than physical aspects of BDSM can actually be. We turned out not to be a match for a number of other non-BDSM-related reasons, but that experience convinced me that I can't go back to vanilla.
So I've begun a quest to find the right sub for a lifestyle D/s LTR, and it's a daunting task! I'm a reasonably good looking, fit guy who has been very successful in business and in life, so I have the luxury of very easily being able to date very beautiful women in the vanilla world. Brains are actually more important than beauty in my book, although both count. Finding a really smart, beautiful woman in the vanilla world is hard enough; in the D/s world it seems overwhelming, bordering on impossible! Last I checked, MENSA didn't have a BDSM special interest group :-) Any advice on where to look or how to find her is always welcome! I've been on the personals here and on alt.com, but between the ratio issues and the phonies, it's a lot of work!
I guess I should update my profile... It still describes my views (from about a year ago) of being turned off by 24/7 TPE because I felt that it was somehow incompatible with my absolute need to respect my partner on an intellectual level as a mature adult woman who is reasonably secure in her own identity. I now recognize that prejudice for the nonsense it actually is. Amazing how easily we allow our own views to be corrupted by the messages of "proper society". Anyway, now that I have come to understand that it really is possible to OWN a woman while she still maintains her own identity, I just have to find my life partner, seduce her, and TAKE her. I wish the hunting weren't so much work, but so far as I know there aren't any viable shortcuts.
Like I said, I still live in S. Florida and am actively dating subs there, but I have also begun spending a week a month in San Francisco (I'm here now) for the purpose of house hunting, making sure I really want to move here, etc. I want to start exploring the SF BDSM scene, too. I tried going to a TES much in NYC, and to Paddles, a BDSM nightclub in Manhattan. To be honest, I didn't relate. The ratio was absurd, and although there were a couple of attractive subs there who seemed interested in talking to me, they LITERALLY came with a LINE of short, fat dom-wannabes standing there trying to talk to them, and following them around the club! I was unable to fathom how a woman could feel comfortable in such an environment, and that made me uncomfortable. Also, the theme was ASEXUAL public BDSM play, which doesn't resonate for me. I don't mean to judge anyone else, but the place just wasn't for me. I'm hoping the SF scene will be different, but haven't ventured out to check it out yet. Suggestions on where to go and what to do are more than welcome. I generally dress and behave in a vanilla way in public, so leather and latex places aren't my thing.
Did I mention that I tend to be a long-winded online forum poster? If you actually read this far, I'm impressed!!! Thanks for reading and feel free to say hi either here or via e-mail. I'm always interested in meeting new friends, platonic or otherwise.
A.E.
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