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You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 3:41:47 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I was reading another thread about ‘women not being true dominants’, but didn’t want to hijack that one with my thoughts on it and a few other things.

I put this comment right up there along with the comments of, “If you can’t have complete control over yourself, how can you expect to control anyone else?”

Now while I have a lot of respect for some of those I’ve seen make this comment, it just doesn’t wash, for me. I don’t see how a few flaws can make someone not Dom, or incapable of controlling many aspects of another person and make that a positive impact on both of their lives.

I’m a believer that women can be true dominants. I don’t have the want, care, need, or desire to roar every minute of every day that I’m dominant. I don’t think I have to be forceful about it, it just is. Last I checked, I don’t even have to be able to take a man out to prove the point. I’d be quite behind on some martial arts classes, if that were the case. I don’t have to constantly pronounce it, dress the perceived part to enforce it, snarl, growl, wear a badge, whatever, it just is.

I also get to cry, have emotions, express love and consideration and want the same in return and can still pull myself together to run a company while doing it. Damnit, who didn’t fill up my chocolate candy dish on my desk..heads are gonna roll!

I think having complete control over yourself makes you more robotic than human. Those who enjoy some spontaneity can’t always be in complete control. I’m human, I’m fallible, I make mistakes, I do some things I know I shouldn’t and do them anyway and take the consequences for those actions. Many a time I didn’t like the outcome of my actions, but boy was it great while I did it.

Things like riding a horse for the first time, breaking a leg, or water skiing and ending up doing the splits, injuring my groin muscles and being out of commission for 3 weeks..Hell, I can’t even doing splits on dry land, let alone the water. Believe me, it was not intentional.  Those things didn’t just affect me, it filtered down to my partner, who then had to work harder to help me. Did this make me less Dom? Did it make me less capable of being in control of their lives?


Oh, you smoke, you can’t be Dom…huh?
You’re over weight, you can’t be Dom…..huh?
You’re too skinny, while you should put on weight, you drank a 2400 calorie milkshake and ate a piece of pie and those are just bad for you, you can’t be Dom….huh?
How can you control anybody else’s life if you can’t curb yourself….huh?

Now the persons who are smoking, over weight, chose high calorie, heart clogging food that day, still have all their mental facilities. They may have a vast array other assets to give to a relationship. They’re not drunk and on drugs, making off the wall demands, (if they are, those are not the ones I’m talking about), I’d really like to know how it is that they can’t be Dom, or incapable of having control of another persons life.

While I may be older in chronological years, I’m forever young in seeking knowledge and different points of view.

Your thoughts?

~Big

edited to add, this is not a fat thread, nor a smoking thread. It's a question about what some consider a flaw in a persons make-up, how does it make them incapable of...thread

< Message edited by bignipples2share -- 1/24/2008 3:47:13 AM >
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 4:01:18 AM   
BadGodLJE


Posts: 21
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline 		HAH! I love your insights and common sense.  Gonna be keeping an eye on your posts in the future


(in reply to bignipples2share)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 4:06:57 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Nod.  Sometimes people allow fantasy to interfere with reality.  We all have flaws.  Finding the person whose flaws you can live with is the key.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to bignipples2share)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 4:09:03 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I can't honestly say I've seen anyone who's proclaimed that they are super strong, super dom, super anything. I think most posters in the threads show that we are ALL fallible, we all fuck up and we're all individuals, warts and all. And most are very open about it.

Being human, it's simply not possible to always be in control of yourself or of your world.

I've also yet to come across anyone who needs to "roar every minute, every day" about being dominant. I must have missed that one.

Or do you mean from a subs perspective? 

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to BadGodLJE)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 4:42:11 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Mmmmmm op If I had a very big person sitting on top of me and eating a sloppy triple cheesburger and smoking a cigar I would want them off of me.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 4:46:44 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, I agree with you, most posters in the threads show that we are all fallible and most are very open about it.

There are usually a few, new to the forums, that think that’s what most dominants do all day..puff their chests out and roar they’re Dom all day long. My comment was not written, or meant that most people do this and expect it of others, or they’re less than, if they don’t.

I had just read the post, “A lil introduction and some questions”, and a few others, which was probably the reason I commented in the manner I did. Just an informative statement that I don't do it, I don't think most do. I decided not to include others though, just my own thoughts on it.

~Big

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 4:51:49 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		LOL Dnomyr, that made me laugh.

Okay, but those who might have a crush fetish and want a Big Beautiful person, may love that. Therefore, isn’t it wonderful that he’s found the perfect person to Dom him?

~Big

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 4:56:34 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you BadGodLJE. I posted it in a pure speculative frame of mind..just something to go Hmmmm on and make comment.

~Big

(in reply to BadGodLJE)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 4:57:27 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		 "crush fetish"  learn something new every day....

(in reply to bignipples2share)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 5:09:54 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, laurell3, you get my point.

~Big

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 6:45:48 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Nod.  Sometimes people allow fantasy to interfere with reality.  We all have flaws.  Finding the person whose flaws you can live with is the key.


yes flaws you can live with ... I stopped dating a man once because I couldn't stand the way he ate his eggs   lol

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 6:52:42 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		There may be some totally infallible people out there. I bet they're lonely as hell though. Because nobody wants to live with a saint. If you're perfect, then you wouldn't be happy with the rest of us imperfect mortals.

And I prefer guys who are overweight according to the doctor's charts. So anybody perfect in that area wouldn't turn me on. Luckily I found a decidedly imperfect man who just likes to make the hard decisions and will accept the fallout if he makes the wrong one. Even better, since he knows he's imperfect he demands that I speak up loud and clear if I see him making a mistake. We make a good team and that's all  that matters to me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Jasmyn)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 7:00:46 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		Well said.

Being dominant does not mean one is perfect. It means he or she rules over others.

_____________________________



(in reply to bignipples2share)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 7:49:02 AM   
tulitukka


Posts: 95
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bignipples2share

I also get to cry, have emotions, express love and consideration and want the same in return and can still pull myself together to run a company while doing it. Damnit, who didn’t fill up my chocolate candy dish on my desk..heads are gonna roll!

I think having complete control over yourself makes you more robotic than human. Those who enjoy some spontaneity can’t always be in complete control. I’m human, I’m fallible, I make mistakes, I do some things I know I shouldn’t and do them anyway and take the consequences for those actions. Many a time I didn’t like the outcome of my actions, but boy was it great while I did it.



I totally agree with you on the flaws issue. Though, I believe a good person, whether dominant, submissive, or something else, strives to make himself better person. That's not the reason I wrote, though. It's something else that touched me on your post. I, of course, am a male dominant (well switch actually, but largely on the dom end of the scale), not female, but I think this applies to both genders.

I have feelings, strong ones. I have felt desperate and tired of being alone. I have felt love that engulfs me. I have felt stress that burdens me and brings the grumpy side of me out. I have felt anger, sadness, fear, joy, compassion, and all the other human emotions and I live with them and through them. They don't detract from my domliness. They (and the way I live through them) constitute an important part of what makes me a dom. To me it is not about not having emotions and not about being in control over how I feel. To me it is about feeling them, as strong and raw as they are, and still being in control over myself (in the sense of not hurting others because of the way I feel). So yes, I cry, I vent in anger and frustration. I don't strive to control my emotions, I strive to bring my emotions and other parts of me to a balance and

I consider the capability to live one's emotions fully and to still act morally to be one of the great virtues any person can have. It is also a quality I would want from a domme, if I ever decide to. search for one.

(in reply to bignipples2share)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 8:02:15 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think the OP is missing that there are two types of "you can't be dominant if" concepts.

She is right that you can have all sorts of flaws and still be a wonderful dominant IF your controling another isn't a way to escape from dealing with own flaws.  Bottom line, that is a form of co-dependency and is unhealthy for both parties.

Then there is the sillly threads about this or that act being "undominant"!  Going down on a woman come up all the time as a "submissive" act, most here laugh when people say it.  There are other silly examples but most of us get "if I, the dominant, want to do it, it is a dominant act"

(in reply to celticlord2112)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 8:05:14 AM   
venusinblu


Posts: 165
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		it's not just physical characteristics that make people judgemental regarding an individuals Dom-ishness or sub-ishness .. My Master had issues with a sub who said some of the things he wanted to do sexually were submissive acts .. so she refused to allow him do them because. 'what he wanted to do didn't make him a proper Dom'.  ... she didn't last long ..

editted to clarify!


< Message edited by venusinblu -- 1/24/2008 8:10:20 AM >

_____________________________

Louis: Do you think I would let them harm you?
Claudia: No you would not Louis. Danger holds you to me.
Louis: Love holds you to me.

~~~~~~

When the going gets tough, the tough get under the table . ... Edmund Blackadder

(in reply to bignipples2share)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 8:09:49 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		An interesting post and a good one for spirited discourse--I for one am one of those that espouses, the " if you cannot control yourself..." mentality---to Me that hardly means that I am perfect, do not have flaws or weaknesses--however I DO mean, if someone cannot hold a job, pay their bills, be responsible for their UM obligations--I do not see how they can be responsible for someone else---and for that matter why would a sub choose someone like that---so I believe there is a balance, and yes people, especially Dominants are far from perfect, but there should be a level of responsibility as it relates to life basics.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to bignipples2share)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 8:10:20 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I think the OP is missing that there are two types of "you can't be dominant if" concepts.

She is right that you can have all sorts of flaws and still be a wonderful dominant IF your controling another isn't a way to escape from dealing with own flaws. Bottom line, that is a form of co-dependency and is unhealthy for both parties.

Then there is the sillly threads about this or that act being "undominant"! Going down on a woman come up all the time as a "submissive" act, most here laugh when people say it. There are other silly examples but most of us get "if I, the dominant, want to do it, it is a dominant act"


Very true. But I would also add that dominance-as-codependency, while distinctly unhealthy, is still dominance.

Dominants rule by definition. Whether they rule well, or rule wisely, is an entirely different matter.

_____________________________



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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 8:14:07 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		That was truely beautiful. Thank you.

~Big

(in reply to tulitukka)
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RE: You do this, therefore, you can't be that - 1/24/2008 8:15:46 AM   
CaligulaCaesar


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/22/2006
Status: offline 		what is domoinant and is sub arguments are silly, There are no set definitions and it is different for everyone in the lifestyle,  Let it be and concentrate on your own life

(in reply to celticlord2112)
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