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Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 10:04:24 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

..and Boys:

I don’t mean to be inflammatory and I know many of you will take offense and become defensive and put blinders on, not able to see the truth in my words. I’m not—I promise—not posting this to hurt anyone or to cause divisiveness. Indeed it is what started as a squeak but has since become a shrill shriek about divisiveness and, well, let’s face it, meanness that has moved me to post. Hear me out! Some have accused some of us of being mean. I know, you’re shaking your head in disbelief and your internal voice is protesting, “Me? What the--mean?! No way, José. I may be many things—sick, twisted, unwelcome in polite society—but mean is not one of them.”

To which I must respond affectionately but frankly…yes you are. As am I! Don’t get me wrong, I think we’re funny. We slay us! But not all find the humor until some damage has been done. Who dares to accuse us thusly, you may ask? The newbies. Yes, we are mean to the newbies, pouncing like vicious snarling cougars on their tiny baby bunny initial posts.

So. I hope you’re receptive, even just a little bit to the harsh reality of your cougarity, and are willing to help the newbies out by sharing, teaching, “What Every Newbie Should Know (Before You Post).” What advice would you give the innocents to launch them safely and sanely onto the perilous plains prolific with predators that are the CM message boards? We were all the newbie once, what would we have liked to have been told, mentored or taught before we ventured to post? Would you begin with the frigging vanilla cone that brings such shame? Would you explain the Mysterious and Exclusionary Acronyms for WIITWD? Would you boldly tell them to unchip their shoulders and get ready to ingest some damn serious sodium with many of the responses they will receive? Would you attempt to prepare them for Domiguy?What wisdom would you share?

Go Cougars!

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

Post #: 1

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 10:11:24 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Methinks I would tell subtee that she is trying to take all the fun away by educating people on the "proper" (whatever that means to each person) use of the internet and this forum (which by the way, is no different from any other forum on any other subject). Seriously... I get the same cluelessness that we see here on occasion on the medical billing forum that I moderate, on the inlaws relations board that I host (yeah, me, a host on relations, whoda thunk it)... it is the same everywhere.

Edited to add... the biggest problem is several of those other places have READ THIS BEFORE YOU POST in big letters at the top, and nobody ever does.

Cali

< Message edited by CalifChick -- 1/24/2008 10:12:26 AM >

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 2

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 10:13:14 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

cougarity?........

Jeff
(snarling)

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 3

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:19:34 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Yeah the atmosphere isn't all that welcoming to newbies sometimes, however, there do seem to be some that are here looking for something they will never find here, complete acceptance, and I don't think time will change that. I do think we should hold back a bit on brand new posters except those that come in with ridiculous first time posts exclaiming their superiority over all of us. Maybe just explaining the upcoming snarkfest would be helpful to keep them from running away quickly? I don't know really this group is no different than any other established group. I don't remember being flamed when I first came here. I also wasn't looking for people to accept or validate me and didn't try to bully my way in.....so that's worth considering as well....uh....I'll stop rambling now...bye! Need to sleep more................

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 4

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:23:39 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

ummmmmmm.was I wrong in detecting sarcasm in the op?

Jeff

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 5

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:25:54 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

You are correct Sir!

Um...yep I was going for humor to hopefully incite some humor in the, uh, responses...

Jeff wins the booby prize (and I'm the booby).

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 6

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:26:03 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Yeah I got that Jefff, but I do think we don't give some people enough of a chance at times. There's a difference between someone that posts that's an arrogant ass (flame away as far as I'm concerned) and someone that just doesn't understand how it all works and we seem to miss that at times.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 7

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:31:00 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

ME, stoop to lowly cougarity?!?! NEVER!

Sniff sniff, is that the scent of fresh blood in the air?

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 8

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:31:56 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I would share nothing. Let them learn the way I did. I got my bumps and bruises and they can too. No one soft-shoed me, held my hand and attempted to protect my fragile ego. Let them see what things will really be like. If you arent smart enough to take the chip of your shoulder when you come in, you will have it knocked off. I dont feel bad for newbies that come in swaggering, and those that would listen to the advice ARENT the ones with the chip on their shoulder anyway.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 9

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:32:33 AM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

Interesting topic. I'm fairly new and I have to say, while I haven't started any topics, I've replied to my fair share and haven't had my opinions flamed in any way by the 'regulars'. I really do think it's a matter of people's approach to the forums. Just like IRL, if you come across abrasive, there are certainly people here who will let you know it. If you come across a wee bit .. um, stupid let's say ... you're gonna hear about it. I find internet forums, in general, to not be for the weak, for the timid or the uneducated (in whatever topic is being dealt with). I'm not sure there really is a way to protect those who approach in a certain manner that encourages snarkiness or meanness.

That being said, a few tips to the newbies:

As always, when in a new environment, look around, read the posts, and try and have a clue when you respond.

If someone disagrees, don't take it personally .. it's usually not about you, but about the topic.

Be respectful about the fact that this is a community and should be approached with a certain amount of respect - not deference, but respect for other people's opinions. When dealing with such an issue as WIITWD, remember it is very personal and opinions are generally strong and held for a reason - usually through experiences. Routine posters don't generally 'talk out of their asses'.

There's a reason behind what they say, and if asked they will usually explain further.

If you're interested in a topic, I guarantee that if you do a search on it you'll find pages of stuff to read. Do that before posting, and if you have a different angle on a topic, go ahead and ask the question or bring up the topic. Fresh ideas are always welcome. Repeats get boring.

Be sincere. Sincerity comes through in your writing.

Oh, yeah - take everything you read with a grain of salt. I've learned a lot on these boards, and the regulars have helped me a lot in figuring out how I feel about things. Do I always agree? Nope. But I have found different ways of looking at issues and that's much appreciated.

And good lord, please use spellcheck and proper grammar. A personal nitpick: the backslashes have to go. lol My eyes glaze over when I see too many Y/y or O/o or whatever ...

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 10

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:32:48 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

ok....that seems fair...on the other hand.......if some one new just reads a while....they should be able to get it

Jeff

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 11

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:36:04 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Occasionally they don't have a chip on their shoulder, they just aren't all that bright. I hate picking on those and we don't seem to distinguish. That's my point. You don't have to agree. You can hardly kick me out of the snark club! I snark all on my own...so there

omg...must sleep...........

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 12

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:43:23 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

B(rains) D(o) S(seem to) M(atter) - just because you're a slave or Dominant doesn't mean you check your brains at the door before diving head first into the kink pool. so before you start posting "what should i do next" or "i cannot understand why my Sir/MasterDom etc did xyz" threads, please THINK before doing!

ok that's my $1.50 for the day

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 13

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:45:26 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Yup there are people on the boards that get off on ridiculing others, especially newbies who are clueless. As the sleepy laurell mentioned not all of them have a chip on their shoulder coming in, sometimes that ends up as a defense against how they are treated. So... you weren't treated nicely when you first arrived therefore you feel it is fine and actually correct to make newbies after you are treated badly. That if someone gets their feelings hurt it is because they shouldn't be on a forum, on and on. Always an excuse for rabid unkindness.Since no one can see you, go ahead and be as nasty as you want. Cuz it is fun.... I get so many CMails from newbies asking me why, why was their post torn apart past all recognition. Why when they ask a genuine question they get ridiculed for some small and non essential mistake within a new post. All I can say is that some folks simply get off on it. They actually get a thrill inside for making someone feel bad, extra points if others join in. Yes I have a thing with being excessively kind and polite, I'm aware of that. It has always been a part of me and it comes out even more when I feel someone is being unjustly picked on. Things get taken too far here sometimes, and many times I feel ashamed of myself for not speaking up. In a way that is just as bad as joining the mob, salivating at the prospect of fresh meat. Now I'm hungry, I need meat.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 14

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:45:33 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

Great pic!

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:46:09 AM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

B(rains) D(o) S(seem to) M(atter) - just because you're a slave or Dominant doesn't mean you check your brains at the door before diving head first into the kink pool. so before you start posting "what should i do next" or "i cannot understand why my Sir/MasterDom etc did xyz" threads, please THINK before doing!

ok that's my $1.50 for the day

I'm hijacking for a sec ... Sambamanslilgirl .. I wanted to say congratulations on your engagement and collaring!

Oh, yeah, and don't hijack threads... it's highly rude....

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:47:29 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Occasionally they don't have a chip on their shoulder, they just aren't all that bright. I hate picking on those and we don't seem to distinguish. That's my point. You don't have to agree. You can hardly kick me out of the snark club! I snark all on my own...so there

omg...must sleep...........

ok ok ok., your mean....your a mean ass bitch........your a MEAN ASS FUCKING BITCH!!!..............happy?

Jeff.... makeing it alllll better

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 17

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:49:10 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I'm a dirty girl...I'm not in the mean girls club.....

wow that reminds of the he-man woman haters club....... name that tune.....

MUST SLEEP!

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 1/24/2008 11:50:18 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 18

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:49:28 AM

BitchGoddessD

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/15/2007
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline

I had a few uncomfortable times when I first started posting. So I stopped for a while. Now I post occasionally when I feel I have something worthwhile to say. I do make sure to read the whole thread first, to reply to the OP, to check for old threads, to think twice before posting, to make humour obvious, and to not be drawn into flaming. Overtime I am learning about different posters from reading their posts and am learning to recognise the different kinds of posters: humourous (occasionally sarcastic - lol), sweet, informative, respectful, argumentative, degrading, know-it-all, judgemental, etc.. I find the experience of reading threads to be extremely helpful. All this is based on my experiences and noone else's. However I often see new posters attacked and it makes me sad. Many are sincere in posting but for whatever reason they make a mistake and are jumped on for it. I have found both mean and nice people here on the boards as I do in life. Best advice - people here are no different than anywhere else.

_____________________________

A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.
Jackie Robinson

Just call me D

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 19

RE: Mean Girls - 1/24/2008 11:49:29 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

oops - i'm hijacking this thread ...for a second.

thanks for the congratulations!

ok back to your regularly schedule thread ~ also remember being a thread killer isn't so bad

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 20

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