camille65 -> RE: what is your deepest craving?? (1/27/2008 8:55:57 AM)
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Main Entry: Craving : an intense, urgent, or abnormal desire or longing : Mine would be... I want to be fully and completely owned by him, the way I am in my dreams and imagination. Marked as his. Known as his. With every single part of my day dedicated to him and to belonging to him.To be owned to the extent that it is unrealistic, hence it being a craving. I am his now, I do belong to him utterly and completely. Yet in the depths of my mind there is a small voice that whispers 'More' in the dark of night. Things that have no words, just physical and emotional cravings of sublimination to him. To lose all of me into him. Exist solely for him. As for something a bit more on the side of physicality I would say health. I don't often let that 'want' be verbalised, I rarely let it into the light because it will never happen. To be in a body that can do what my soul yearns for, to run again like I did as a child. Or to a simpler degree I want to do things without paying for them. I want to travel again, there is so very much in this world of ours that I want to see with my own eyes, to touch with my own hands.I want to make love for hours without pain. I want to make love for hours without paying for that over the following days.I want to be selfish, I want to be whole again. See how I used the word 'want' so much? That also is why I try very hard to keep all of that pushed down, because it feels wrong. It feels wrong to want something so badly I weep just thinking about it. Dreaming of impossible things can only lead to heartbreak.It feels wrong, it feels wrong to 'want' that which I can't have because that lets in the temptation for self-pity and there is no room for that. Ohboy I said a lot that I didn't plan to. [8|]
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