How do you feel about virgins?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

How do you feel about virgins?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How do you feel about virgins?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

How do you feel about virgins? - 9/1/2005 2:57:38 PM

butterflydame

Posts: 43
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

I ran across a profile today for a female who happened to be a virgin. Throughout her profile and her journal she had discussed a little about the various responses (good and bad) that she had gotten and it got me thinking....

How do you feel about sexual virgins?

When you find out that someone you have been talking to is a virgin (upfront from the start or otherwise) does that change how you feel about the person? Are they more appealing? Less appealing?

Does the sex of the individual matter? Do you find it more appealing in a female than a male? The other way around?

If you had your choice which would you chose?

*edited to further clarify the type of virgin in question

< Message edited by butterflydame -- 9/1/2005 7:09:06 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/1/2005 3:09:17 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

I dont find virginity appealing at all. And I would consider getting involved with a virgin too much responsibility. I prefere to have sexual partners completely aware of consequences, relaxed and experienced.

I even turned down some bi-courious females on the ground I am not willing to be someones experiment and want to deal only with people that know exactly what are they doing.

May be harsh but thats the way I feel.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to butterflydame)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/1/2005 3:47:10 PM

indygirl2

Posts: 23
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Yeah, I'm not a big fan either. I'm ready and willing to train someone on my specific quirks, but if you need a twelve page from-the-ground-up schematic, I'm not your girl.

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/1/2005 6:18:10 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Are you referring to scene virgins or sexual virgins?

I have been the first-ever scene for more than a few people, and have found it to be very rewarding. (yes, Me who has no patience!) If the person is clear about what they are interested in trying, and has a realistic expectation of what they will get from the experience, why not?

(in reply to indygirl2)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/1/2005 7:00:08 PM

sarbonn

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline

Virgin status means very little to me. It's the mind that turns me on, not whether or not she's had sex before.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to butterflydame)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/1/2005 8:53:47 PM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

I can handle "scene virgins" rather well. I have no problem teaching, discussing and opening up learning opportunities. If we get to know each other pretty well, I like to show them whatever they show an interest in or I am usually able to refer them to others who can explain certain kinks better.

As for sexual virgins, I tend to back up a step. If I've got a solid enough grounding about the rest of their life, it might never be an issue. The bigest factor is usually how they handle it. If they are always talking about their virginity, waving it like a flag, or a threat, then there are obviously other psychological issues which would deter me from involvement with them in that realm. If they are a fanatic about the topic, though, it would probably end our interaction altogether. If it just happens to come up in discussions over time, then it's probably fine as long as they don't have any fears or phobias surrounding it that cannot be dealt with.

So, it comes down to the reason that they are a virgin. If it's out of fear, obsession, or sexual hangups, then it's a sign that there may be more baggage to deal with. If it's simply a matter of lack of opportunity or choice without baggage, then I don't see it as an issue.

I do know of, and have been involved with more than one "late bloomer." People who, for one reason or another, went through adolescence and a good part of young adulthood before the desire ever struck them. Now, they are interested, and interested is ok. One was obsessed, though, worse than most pubescent teenagers, and it has never seemed to get handled. So, there's caution there, in some cases.

If the person is otherwise valuable and lovable, then it's like any other adventure we can have together after trust and security have been established. (That's MY relationships. If they want a quicky event to get it over with, then that's someone elses party to have.)

Purr

(in reply to butterflydame)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 12:52:26 AM

ragdoll

Posts: 231
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: New England
Status: offline

This is a good topic.. and one i've been kinda wanting to ask about... but i was scared.

i'm a virgin.

Well not exactly.... but i sometimes feel like one.

i am technically "not" a virgin because of what happened to me when i was a child. i lost my "technical virginity" when i was under the age of 8, so i wasn't a virgin very long in this world. ...The "bad stuff" that happened to me as a child both made me "fascinated by sex" and "scared/disgusted" of it.

It took me a long time to even begin to get over that ~ though i had a few minor sexual experiences in highschool (kissing, feeling up...) with another girl in my highschool.. and two guys.. (not all of us at once!!). None of them lead to sex-sex - penetration.

i still hadn't done much therapy in highschool. i did all that as an adult, the therapy. i'm now 25 and more or less a virgin. ... i have never had sex as an adult (unless masturbation counts -heh).... ...i've felt ready to have sex for a couple years now, maybe since i was 22 or 23.. but the trouble is... i actually feel "ashamed" to be so very sexually inexperienced. ....i feel like no one (except REALLY perverted older men - maybe) would be interested in having sex with someone who is still so inexperienced at my "old age" (or at least it feels old).

......some of the responses here.. i admit.. made me wrinkle my nose and "worry" more... 'cause they sort of validated my fear... the fear that most people "run away" from virgin-adults... and it's a little frustrating too.. it makes me think i should just sleep with a bunch of old-perverted men just to get some "sexual experience" so that the people i'm really interested in will perhaps be more interested in me.

Ack!..
i wonder if Mistresses (since this is the Mistress forum) feel differently about female virgins than they do male virgins... or.. is the feeling the same......... (or should i create my OWN topic for these questions -blushin'-)

(in reply to butterflydame)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 5:37:40 AM

GADomCpl

Posts: 62
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I hope Y/you Ladies don't mind me butting in here but this is something I know a bit about. Liz is 19 (granted a little younger then you) but she was a virgin in my eyes up until we got married a few months ago. While not technically a virgin (she had been raped and molested when she was younger), I have always considered myself her first and only. One of the main reasons she was a virgin is because, like you, she was a bit ashamed of herself. She felt like she was "contaminated" because of her past. She was also concerned that her inexperiance would be a major turn off (I kinda liked knowing that just like getting a new slave who you can mold to your liking, getting a virgin is just as good cause you can teach her exactly what you like and not worry about bad habits she learned from someone else).
That being said, speaking as a person who had been with an "adult virgin", it is a little different. It requires the other person to be very understanding, and caring. In my experiance, adult virgins (I have known a few) are often that way because of a tramatic experiance in their past. When the time does come to "do it" both people have to realize that it can bring back bad memories, and be prepared to deal with them. Just because you plan on having sex tonight doesn't mean its gonna happen. Be ready to slow down or even stop for a bit and just talk things out. I would definately encourage you not to get discouraged about this ragdoll. Trust me, you are not the only person in this situation. I promise you there is someone out there willing and able to give you the time and attention you need. On a side note, from my perspective people who have waited a while tend to want to make up for lost time (really good news for me :-D) I invite you to email us if you would like to talk more to either myself or Liz.

Troy & Liz

(in reply to ragdoll)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 6:51:12 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I was an adult virgin and I kinda agree with the part how you said you have to take it slow. I was so nervous lol but thankfully the girl I was with took the time and care and had the understanding not to push things too far too fast.

As for taking a virginity ive had the chance too but choose not too as all I wanted at the time was basically sex and this girl ( 19 year old) had a major crash on me and wanted to date me so I knew if I did it then she would want to date me more so....

(in reply to GADomCpl)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 6:51:35 AM

Nuke718

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Being the first time sexually for a virgin can be a lot of responsibility. At leat that's my take as an adult. When I was 17 I didn't care, and heck I prolly wasn't that good myself LoL. But everybody needs a first time. I think as long as both parties are aware and don't make it a big deal it's OK. If either party has a hang up about it, it's probably not a good idea.

Now SCENE virginity is another thing. A lot of this lifestyle to me is finding new things to enjoy, and I have discovered several this year alone. In the last couple months alone I lost my TENS virginity. Just like any new thing I was scared before it and ecstatic after.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to GADomCpl)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 6:59:11 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

Libby and I are often contacted by scene virgins. Usually it's just for information, but occasionally, the energy "clicks" and we do scenes with them. Very often, these people are very unsure about what they want and sometimes even if they are sure, their body's reactions aren't what they expect (http://www.lovingdominant.org/1stScene.html). Because of this, our initial scenes with them are sort of a kinky smogasbord with a little bit of a lot of different stimulations and experiences followed by a lot of talking about what worked for them and what didn't.

Given the present early age of sexual exploration and the fact that we are both "old farts," we haven't encountered many sexual virgins. It's not really a factor for us because Libby and I have an agreement that we reserve genital/gentital intercourse exclusively for each other. The only sexual virgins we have encountered have had extensive and enthusiastic experience in the kinds of sexual "things" that we do so, aside from the BDSM aspect, it wasn't all that much of a new thing for them.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to butterflydame)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 7:15:48 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I tend to collect scene virgins for some reason, that and female bi virgins. I'm just really good with newbies and love the excitement of being able to help them get a leg up and gain confidence in themselves.

As far as male sexual virgins, my boyfriend was a virgin when we met. It surprised me, but delighted me, because I WANTED a deeper relationship with him and the virginity added an extra tang to the relationship. If I hadn't wanted anything more however, it's likely I would have not pursued it, and at the very least, taken it slower to make sure he knew what was going on before having sex.

For me, no level of experience is an immediate yes or not, there's too many other circumstances to take into account and mutual feelings all around. But I definitely enjoy newbies and though watching them start to fly on their own can be rough on me sometimes, the pride and joy in knowing I helped get them there is wonderful.

< Message edited by EmeraldSlave2 -- 9/2/2005 7:21:54 AM >

(in reply to butterflydame)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 9:35:02 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

I haven't seen a cherry in a long, long, time. But, that doesn't mean I still don't love that cute little box it came in!
I'd prefer experience...anyway!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 9:39:45 AM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ragdoll
......some of the responses here.. i admit.. made me wrinkle my nose and "worry" more... 'cause they sort of validated my fear... the fear that most people "run away" from virgin-adults... and it's a little frustrating too..

You have nothing to worry about Ragdoll. You are a valuable person. The idea that people are aware that there may be a bit more of a complication in the matter doesn't mean we think it's a bad thing overall. Knowing and foreseeing where a slow spot might come up is a good thing. Being a scene virgin or a sexual virgin is no different in that the person you are with needs to KNOW that the experience is going to matter to you and will be a milestone. It's GOOD that people see it as something special and different.

When I say "baggage" that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes baggage comes in some really cool matching sets, and sometimes it's full of wonderful surprises. But, the person you share that milestone with needs to be fully aware that things will be new to you too. It's GOOD when someone recognizes that it's different. By no means would I turn up my nose or consider it a burden to be a part of that discovery with a virgin, but I'd make sure I had plenty of time and patience before it got hot-and-heavy. It's just a matter of being aware of YOUR needs. You deserve to have someone that's aware, not just someone who's tagging a prize.

And as for male virgins, I think the stigma is even worse. Society builds some nasty expectations about a persons sexual development, and males really get hit hard. Female virgins can be seen as just "really good girls", male virgins get some nasty commentary, and I've seen them do some horrid damage. (That being said, YES one of my partners was a virgin when I got involved with him. It took a while to get past it.)

One other stigma to mention is this. When a person hooks up with a virgin, there is some idea that once they discover that sex is good, they'll want to go on the prowl to learn more about the variety at some point. That can cause some to hesitate that are looking for "the One for life."

*Meow*

Purr

(in reply to ragdoll)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 10:59:17 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ragdoll

i actually feel "ashamed" to be so very sexually inexperienced. ....i feel like no one (except REALLY perverted older men - maybe) would be interested in having sex with someone who is still so inexperienced at my "old age" (or at least it feels old).

......some of the responses here.. i admit.. made me wrinkle my nose and "worry" more... 'cause they sort of validated my fear... the fear that most people "run away" from virgin-adults... and it's a little frustrating too.. it makes me think i should just sleep with a bunch of old-perverted men just to get some "sexual experience" so that the people i'm really interested in will perhaps be more interested in me.

Ack!..
i wonder if Mistresses (since this is the Mistress forum) feel differently about female virgins than they do male virgins... or.. is the feeling the same......... (or should i create my OWN topic for these questions -blushin'-)

There is nothing to be ashamed of, as far as I saw by your posts you are one wonderful and intelligent person. And I dont think you should worry over anything at all. The right person for you will come one day and he/she will love you just the way you are, including your virginity or anything else.

My feelings about virginity have grounds in something that happened to me long ago.

I was 18 and looking forward for summer vacation. I met that boy (he was 19) and since I was local and he was just a tourist from distant town there was never question about us getting too involved. I liked him and we started to "get out", walk on the beach holding hands, cuddle and kiss and all that stuff.
So naturaly it came to sex after some time.

And in the middle of getting laid, he told me he was virgin! Being more experienced I tried to stay calm and help him perform and be nice and all that shit...... and I didnt have much fun altogether.
So one painful evening was enough and I tried to tell him as nicely as I could that there is no point in us seeing each other again. So of course, he was hurt.

I found another boy who was much more my mach and we had some lovely time together....... until he came one day and told me the first boy approached him on the beach and said we were engaged and I was a cheater and dishonest and bitch and whatever.

Now, from my early age I hate lies and I am always doing my best to be honest even to the point of cruelty. And I never in my life cheated on anyone. I told my ex husband right in his face "I am finished with you and our marriage and btw you know that guy downtown? I am going to fuck him and you can go to hell". What I did.

So there I am, being 18 and all sensitive like we all are at that age, and someone (to whom I was actually trying to be nice) is spreading lies about me.
And I went and told the guy in front of his friends that he was a prick and if I had one-lousy-night-stand with him it didnt mean he owned me for life....... and so on. And he was that much humiliated that he actually went back home the very next day (a week before he planned).

So I got hurt and he got hurt and all for what? It was an agreement we are not going to date seriously, but after loosing his virginity he sort of lost his heart or mind or whatever happened.
Thats the sort of emotional trouble I am never willing to be involved in again.

So, if you got this far in reading my post

, hope you understand why I dont like virgins.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to ragdoll)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 12:27:26 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

My bf of threee years now was a virgin when I met him. I don't mind virgens but I really do prefere someone with a little base knowledge of how to please a woman.

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 1:47:20 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Whenever I meet a virgin, I do everything I can to make sure she's not a virgin afterwards.

Oh, but she has to be over 18.

(in reply to butterflydame)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 2:46:34 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

LOL Lordandmaster......good one!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 3:58:50 PM

ragdoll

Posts: 231
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow

You have nothing to worry about Ragdoll. You are a valuable person. The idea that people are aware that there may be a bit more of a complication in the matter doesn't mean we think it's a bad thing overall. Knowing and foreseeing where a slow spot might come up is a good thing. Being a scene virgin or a sexual virgin is no different in that the person you are with needs to KNOW that the experience is going to matter to you and will be a milestone. It's GOOD that people see it as something special and different.

Thanks for your entire response to my questions and post, MsPurrmeow.
i wasn't sure if anyone would respond to my questions ~ i'm really glad you did because you made some really good points. ^_^

and as for my extra question... i do think you're right about there bein' a much different stigma for male virgins than girl ones. ~ ....

i'm thinking some other things too.. but i'm not really sure how to write them out right yet.. ~~thanks again.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia

So, if you got this far in reading my post , hope you understand why I dont like virgins.

After reading your experience.. i do feel like i can understand why you have something against virgins now. ~ Thank you for explaining... :)

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you feel about virgins? - 9/2/2005 4:02:59 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

If you had your choice which would you chose?

It really doesn't matter to me. If I'm attracted to someone and there is chemistry, I'll deal with their experience or lack of if necessary.

That said, I've initiated a few boys to WIITWD and a few girls to girl/girl play. What I've liked about it is the look in their eyes when they discover a whole new way. I guess the teacher in me likes that part a lot.

Then again, I also like being with experienced partners who know *exactly* what they are doing.

So there are up sides to both.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to butterflydame)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How do you feel about virgins?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.156