RE: location, location, location

RE: location, location, location (Full Version)

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Maya2001 -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 11:18:28 AM)
For me 2 stories My first Dom was local but we enter a relationship with the understanding it would be temporary with me being my mentor and he encouraged me to go line and make friends within the community inorder to learn more about the lifestyle so it would not be restricted just to his POV a little while after my relationship with him ended I was one of the friends I only talked to briefly asked if I would be interested in pursuing a possible relationship, at the time I did tell him I did not want to relocate because my job is not transferable and I want to be close to son and grandchildren, which he then said could be worked around, I also had some health problems which required surgery so meant 5 months at the earliest to meet and the discussion of lead to an agreement we would reserve the meeting until afterward but he also would like to start my training online because of the length of time before the meet, which I agreed to, though I did express my reservations about but he asked if I would at least try , But when it came time to plan the actual meet it became conditional with him telling me that he wanted to ensure he was not going to be wasting money by flying here and that the months online should have proven that he is trust worthy , for the meet to go ahead I would have to agree to fully submit to him in writing, I had in the past explain to him my terms for a meet, but I knew if I agreed to what he was asking it would nullify my terms and I would be waving all limits for the meet, and could potentially put myself in a dangerous position, which I tried expressing to him first but the discussion did not go well So I told him no and ended it ... to me that slapping the condition of full submission just before the meet gave me a major uneasy feeling and made him appear to me that he could be a dangerous online predator and I sure as heck was not going to put myself in a position to see if my mental antennaes were correct or not... I would rather chuck the 5 months online trying to build a relationship with him than take a chance as possibly putting my life in danger. . Shortly afterward a online friend of 7 months asked if I would agree to meet him during one of my weeks of holidays initially the meet was to be as friends for wining/dining, a bit touring and possibly sex included if I felt comfortable and an attraction occured , he would fly in for a few day, reserved separate rooms for me and him inorder to ensure my comfort level so I would not feeled pressure into more than just friendship and save me 4 hours of traveling time each day of his visit since Toronto has more to offer in the way of entertainment that my home city, as the passed couple weeks progressed and with both of getting over past relationships he stated that his feeling for me has grown and asked if I would consider a D/s relationship with him if we connected well during his planned visit making it clear that he was not asking for submission from him during this visit. With 7 months of chatting about family, interests, jobs, philosophies, and all sorts of other topics a good comfort level has been achieved already so I was able to say yes to, his job also gives him the ability to relocate so becomes an added bonus. I feel much more positive about this meet than with the other even before the condition was slapped. And if we do move into D/s I do know the distance will make it difficult especially early on but I do feel optimistic about giving it a try

spanklette -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 12:10:32 PM)
I relocated from New Orleans to Washington state to be with Daddy...I wouldn't do it again, even though our relationship is wonderful. I didn't think I was attached to a place, but I realized that I was attached to my culture... We're now looking to both relocate...if I don't get out of here, I'm going to be a permanent resident of the state of Washington with three hots and a cot.[:D] My mama lives in PA, thousands of miles from anywhere that I'm headed...sorry yankees...I'm headed south! She said she completely understands the sentiment and will probably move to be closer to me when I've settled down somehwere. In the end, I gave up too much of ME when I relocated. It took too much time to get all that back and get somewhere healthy for myself and for Daddy. Maybe we just did it wrong, or maybe I'm just not someone who should have ever relocated. I'm sure there are other factors, but for my money I'm blaming relocation... It's beautiful here, and I will treasure the memories of Washington, but I will be very glad to have put this entire state behind me. So, I really don't have any advice, just an opinion on my own situation...and never again.

EponasChylde -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 12:25:59 PM)
Relocating is NOT a possibility. I won't move to another state, I won't move to another city, I won't to another street, I won't move one single flipping FOOT from where I am. I live on the family farm, it's my heritage and my home. The hounds of hell couldn't drag me away. I will live here to care for my parents as they age and to take over the care of the farm when they become unable to do so.

wisteriaV -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 12:34:51 PM)
Master moved from California to the wilds of the Adirondacks in NY on the east coast...we have well over three years real time and counting. We met here on CM and its been an awesome ride since.[:D]

ProlificNeeds -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 1:01:28 PM)
When my responsibilities and obligations here are done with, I am open to relocating but never at the beginning of a relationship. I would relocate only after I am sure there's something worth moving for.

SailingBum -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 1:06:26 PM)
I wouldn't move not even for a job. My family is here all 34 of us. Brothers there wive and kids... BadOne

LadyPact -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 1:14:02 PM)
I don't blame you a bit for not wanting to get into the relocation game. It's not that I don't think others should do it, or understand that some have that particular situation after meeting on line, it just isn't My thing. My profile actually starts out with something to the effect of, "If your email to Me includes the bit about you can relocate, please save both the time and trouble".

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 1:21:03 PM)
i would go anywhere for true love. Anything less, probablt not. Especially if asked to leave my country/

pettingdragons -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 2:37:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EponasChylde I live on the family farm, it's my heritage and my home. If I had roots liek thank I wouldnt move one inch either.....I grew up on a farm but it was horses on the beach where the turning of the tides settled any plans of staying in one spot... I just wanted to say "Great post!!!" Pamela

schoenekitty -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 2:55:52 PM)
I was once very willing to relocate for a man. It was a vanilla relationship and I met the guy teaching him English (he was Brazilian). We had only spent a few weeks together in the States but spent quite a bit of time talking on the phone and internet. Eventually I went to Brazil to see him and would have been happy to give up my life here in the States for him but things didn't work out (he got scared or some other bs reason). So I would totally be willing to relocate for someone- but I'm also a sucker for love.

TheLookingGirl -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 3:07:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness This is not an attempt to get bogged down in ONLINE vs RT ... or to start a slanging match about who is the BDSMiest of them all... so please donmt lets start down that road First...LMAO...I love it. the BDSMiest of them all.... I have given this alot of thought. I posted on another thread similar to this my feelings about relocating. I would do it, if there was something there OTHER than that person. Jobs are important. Social interaction is important. Luckily this person happens to be somewhere that seems FULL of people. But only time will tell.

Tatsuchan18 -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 3:16:41 PM)
i dont really have a long distance relocating story, but for people wanting to get to know eachother better but distance is a problem, both parties having webcams really help, because then, its like your just out having tea together and you kind of get to talk face to face. (^^)

CalifChick -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 3:32:47 PM)
My exhusband moved from NY to CA to be with me. He didn't really have any ties there, his family is in the southeastern US though. I cannot say whether his moving was a factor in the demise of our relationship, but I sure heard enough about it during the bad times. Ironically, I did not ask him to move, he volunteered. Pretty much all of my family is here except for my father, who I don't speak to, and he is on the opposite coast. I left CA once for a job (and later came back), so I'm not opposed to leaving the state. The person that I am interested in now lives two time zones away, but it is a place that I would not be opposed to going to. His business is there, so leaving there is not an option. I'm a little concerned about my ums and what moving would mean to them. And I'd have to get a court order, because there is no way in hell my ex would consent to me taking our um to a place he could not drive to. But still, I am not opposed to it. Cali

SageFemmexx -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 3:53:02 PM)
I was one of those military kids that relocated every 3 years my entire childhood. When I was fifteen, I relocated myself by hitchhiking to Oklahoma and never looked back when my parents took off to England. My newest husband/Dom/Gorean Master relocated to me from Florida. I was still in school and he was recovering from a nasty divorce. Initially he suffered from quite a bit of culture shock--he came from a nice upperscale city to ten acres in the middle of nowhere down a dirt road. However, I think he's grown to liking it--he brags about being able to pee off the front porch and not a single neighbor to notice it. He's learned how to pull wells, chop firewood, and shoot at coyotes. If he wasn't half as flexible, I don't think he would have made it though. It can be people's dream to live in the country but the reality of it can be harsh indeed. We've discussed intensely the subject of us moving back to Florida and we may decide to do it. However with the economy as nasty as it is, we are waiting it out. I'd much rather be on my own land where I can run goats and raise my own food than paying rent in a suburb if everything crashes. So for the moment we watch and wait. It's been five years and his relocating has worked for us. Just be ready for grieving and missing the place you lived, the people you loved and having to adjust to new things, I think it gets harder as you get older. Blessings and Be well, Sage.

collaredncontent -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 4:21:31 PM)
Hoo boy. I met Jack online and at first we were just friends. I told myself under no circumstance should I ever fall for him. Online relationships are just risky business and don't work, was my philosophy. I'd never dated anyone online before but I'd been around those that had and heard enough horror stories. Well...I fell for him. Hard. I was in Texas and he was in Connecticut, way too long distance for us to meet. So I kept it to myself that I had feelings for him, I doubted he would return them. Long story short: I moved to Pennsylvania to college while he went to school in NY. Our first visit confirmed everything for me. We didn't even pause or a miss a beat, we transitioned from our online medium to an in person relationship without a hitch. I knew right then I'd not want anyone else. Still, being hours away was difficult and I slacked off in school. Turns out you need to go to class and be awake to do well. So I decided to take a year off to clear my head and moved up to be with him. A mistake only in that I had not planned on life being so damn difficult, I was naive to think a fulltime job at minimum wage would be sufficient to live off of. We lived off love and peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches for about three months until I couldn't make do any more. So now I'm back home in GA, still looking for a job to save money and looking into going back to college here where I can get in state tuition and the fear of my Mother being able to come snatch me up and ring my neck. I know now what it takes to make it in the world so I really doubt I'll slack off in college this time around, and our relationship held together for a year and half just being online and another year in person off and on and three months in a dorm room the size of a nice walk in closet where our airmattress took up the entire floor space. I say all of that to say that you just don't know where love will take you. I could have stuck to my guns about not getting involved in an online relationship, I could have stayed in Texas where I had friends instead of branching out to a place where I knew no one, and I could have never found a happiness like this. Sure I screwed plenty up along the way, I failed out of Penn State University for one, I failed at making a living for myself in NY for another, and yeah I had to come back home and pick myself back up, but for Jack anything is worth it. I can't say that everyone will have the same experience or that you should just pick up and go, but if your heart tells you this is something you need to do I'm proof that love finds a way. -Brian. [Great...I feel sappy now. Time for a beer and some peanuts, maybe a little grunting and scratching.]

EponasChylde -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 6:52:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pettingdragons quote: ORIGINAL: EponasChylde I live on the family farm, it's my heritage and my home. If I had roots liek thank I wouldnt move one inch either.....I grew up on a farm but it was horses on the beach where the turning of the tides settled any plans of staying in one spot... I just wanted to say "Great post!!!" Pamela Thank you :) We have horses too btw!

LadyLolly -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 8:14:04 PM)
Oh boy, yes, I can tell you a tale. Some years ago, after extensive email, phone, visits I imported a boy from Europe to the USA. Was absolutely crazy about him. After 5 years of dedicated searching thought I had found perfection. Will provide the practical basics here for the group but if you would like to chat in greater detail please email privately. There are immigration considerations, visas, green cards, immigration lawyers to consult with. Employment is generally not a major issue once a green card is secured unless there is professional licensing to contend with. There may or may not be language barriers but certainly there will be cultural differences. Vacations, social security, unemployment and medical are not a given nor socialized in this country. You may loose your rights to those benefits in your home country as well. Credit will have to be built from the ground up. Public transport, with few exceptions, is no where near as developed as what you are used to. Do you drive? You will be fairly isolated from friends, family and all that was known and familiar all your life. The phone, net, letters and visits help as does connecting with others from your homeland. Things like housing, personal property and so on are a given, there are limitations to what is practical to bring. Some items you may want to store for awhile. You will be extremely dependent on the person you are moving too. Will they follow through on thier end even if things just don't work out or will you be cast adrift - a stranger in a strange land? Will that dependancy cause you insecurities. Will they miss-use the leverage the situation gives them? Think hard. Consider well. CYA. Will not tell you it will not work. I've know others that have jumped the pond in one direction or the other and so far as I know, last I'd heard, every thing worked out. In my case, things did not. Ethics adhered to, I kept up my end, even when they did not. Betrayal all most cost me everything and 5 years later I am just now well enough recovered and ready to again resume. I will not accept the risk again of assuming the responsibility for another foriegn national. That's me. Honor and ethics can be a burden with consequences. I doubt there are many that would suffer for them as I did, some might even feel/say to foolish levels. (shrugs) I can hold my head up.

MaamJay -> RE: location, location, location (1/27/2008 8:15:13 PM)
Master and i had met 3 times for 5 days, 11 days and then 23 days (lovely arithmetic progression there!) over the course of nearly a year before He drove over 5000 km to relocate diagonally across Australia to be with me and My then sort of sub husband. On the edge of the city, W/we had a 5 acre bush property and large house, Dungeon, pool ... everything perfect for bdsm! However, eventually hubby decided he wasn't really a sub, his CD fetish was all that interested him, and so he and I split. With burgeoning house prices there, Master and i couldn't afford to buy anything decent, so considered relocating. Country Queensland was much better priced, so W/we did the reverse journey, ending up in a town new to both of U/us about 3 hours south of His hometown. Couldn't be happier! Considering i had left the city in which i had lived for 40 years (since making the big move from England at age 11), i have transitioned to small town life remarkably easily. In fact, Master misses Perth more than i do, as He'd "just got the hang of it" LOL! Yes i miss some people ... Mum, friends, my choir ... but a week's visit before Christmas proved to me that i definitely don't miss the city itself! The only downside is that the chance of finding a local sub for My Domme side is severely reduced in a small town, so I know it is likely that someone will have to relocate to be with Me. So that has to be discussed early on, as I don't want to form an attachment to someone who is not willing and able to move here. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

BlackPhx -> RE: location, location, location (1/28/2008 6:43:07 AM)
Master and I met through a social organization we both belonged to. While we lived in the same state we were on opposite ends. Gettng together on a weekly basis was impossible, due to his job and the fact that at the time I could not drive (cataracts). A Memorial day weekend was our telling point. It was several more months before I moved in with him, though I still maintained my home and was attached to my ex husband for over a year. Believe it or not, that was not a safety net or hedge for me. Ex2b was going to BE an Ex or buried upsidedown in the backyard and used to park bicycles. Master and I never looked back and are going on our fourth year together and racing toward our 3rd wedding anniversary. We have had our struggles, but to be honest, nothing we could not overcome and we wouldn't have missed this for the world. I have always been willing to relocate however, and interviewed with a Dominant couple in California, a Dominant in NY and another and his slave in MI. The MI couple moved to Florida. We all lived together (including ex2b) until the Dominant in that couple pulled a really stupid move and landed himself in jail. I would say keep your options open. Even in a vanilla relationship, relocations happen. Consider, what if the Dominant you find, and become a part of in your immediate area has to move for work, would you cast the relationship in the trash or consider moving with him? Life is an adventure, you can hide from it, or embrace it, but it will happen. How much you get out of that adventure depends on how open you are to it and what you put in. poenkitten

ExSteelAgain -> RE: location, location, location (1/28/2008 7:00:17 AM)
I had a long experience with a girl in NJ. I live in GA. We met maybe 5 times in 2 years. After that, I drew a circle with a 200 mile radius on the map around my hometown and refuse to get close to anyone outside it. She can move first if she wants to be my intimate friend. I can only type, "You are protected, warm and secure with me," so many times.

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