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location, location, location - 1/27/2008 7:03:16 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

after my fifth email this week asking if I would consider relocating, and my fifth answer saying its not my thing, blah blah blah .. Well I got to thinking, and thought I would open my thoughts up to the wise peeps of Collarme

For me, relocation within the UK is a reasonable request to be made, and I think I would relocate for my own job, if I was with someone who needed to move for their job/family or if we decided we fancied the change. I am almost certain that I would not relocate to BEGIN a relationship with someone and for me .. the real business begins when you are in frequent and intimate rt contact. I have been in online relationships, and i am not slamming them at all so no flames please .. but they are not for me .. and do not replace the real thing. ... Then however, One who ahs been very dear to me, for a very long time, but lives on the otherside of the world is finally able to offer me something more than has ever been on the table before. So perhaps my feelings are about to change ...

I would like to know about other peoples ideas on relocating for a relationship, success stories, horror stories, tips, ideas, warnings happy endings

This is not an attempt to get bogged down in ONLINE vs RT ... or to start a slanging match about who is the BDSMiest of them all... so please donmt lets start down that road

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Post #: 1

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 7:09:07 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

No relocation for me; not for anyone; for several reasons. One being that I still have a teenager who lives with me; moving her from her friends would not be fair. Two, my other chickee's live just over the state line; I have no desire to be in a position that I could not see them if the whim took me. Three...while I may complain about my work from time to time; I would never stop what I was doing. It took me along time to get where I am within the dept's that I work in, I will not give that up.

So, to answer you question...no, I would never relocate to be with someone else.

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Post #: 2

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 7:13:56 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Hi;

HoneyMaster and I met here on Collarme (ty CM!), spent quite a while as 'friends' then as 'friends with possibilities', took that to phone, (emailing and on the phone heaven knows how many hours per day) then real life, and after being with Him for a few months, I moved from Indiana to Kentucky, and in with Him. We've been together (almost!) two years now. Our relationship was do-able because we were about a two hour drive from each other, so, we were able to see each other frequently before making any huge decisions. It would be more difficult (imo) if someone lived a very long distance only because every time you saw each other, you would both be on your VERY best behaviour, not wanting to ruin a planned holiday. But, I do know it can work.

Best wishes,

~Christina

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 3

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 7:15:26 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I would, and I will be, sometime this year. I'm fortunate that I work in a business that I can find a job almost anywhere in the world :)

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 4

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 7:16:06 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

It really depends on if you know someone well enough to be worth such an investment-and if you both have the relationship and financial means to make it happen.

Not a good thing to base on a kink fantasy.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 5

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 7:17:58 AM

donnaamarie

Posts: 335
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline

Hi softness,

I met Master back in December, 2002 online in a Gorean chat room. We spoke on the phone for about 6 weeks before he decided to come and meet me. He came here on February 13, 2003 and moved back to be with me full time on March 1, 2003. He moved right in and boy let me tell you that was quite an adjustment. I remember the first week being at work and googling Greyhound at which time I printed a ticket for him to return wherever the hell it was he came from. LOL When I gave him the ticket he looked at me, nodded and said "I'll be gone by tomorrow." Oddly enough that was the first huge step in building the trust that was needed for us to begin the relationship for real. I think if he had gotten all "Dom" on me and told me that he owned me and wasn't leaving, blah blah blah, I would have totally freaked out and we wouldn't be where we are now, 5 years later.

I could not relocate as I have to um's that I am committed to until they become real people. So it was either Master or a LDR that I could not sustain, especially after meeting him face to face.

It can happen, and it does happen. I'm sure it fails as often as it is successful but one never knows until they take that step off of the bridge.

donna - property of Ubar John

edited to add that Master lived in Phoenix, AZ and I am in New York. So ocassional meetings were not possible from 2,000 miles away!!

< Message edited by donnaamarie -- 1/27/2008 7:19:31 AM >

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Post #: 6

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 8:52:05 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We were about three hours apart, we stayed LDR for over two years. He moved here.

If I had to move, it would have to wait until my ums are out of the house. Oddly enough, once that happens I would like to move down to the area he was in. I like it better. But I'm not uprooting adolescents.

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Post #: 7

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 8:54:42 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness
I would like to know about other peoples ideas on relocating for a relationship, success stories, horror stories, tips, ideas, warnings happy endings

Ours is a wonderful success story. We met on CM and eventually I relocated from WV to AR (800 miles south). It has been nothing but wonderful and positive. I got a good job and then three months later got an even better (and better paying) supervisory job in the field of my choice. The only thing I would have done differently now that I look back is that I would have had a job lined up before relocating. I spent about 6 agonizing weeks sending in resumes and hoping for interviews. Master wasn't a bit worried but I felt badly for not working and contributing (even though I had money in the bank that we used). It took all the pressure off when I finally got a position I had interviewed for.

Other than that, all has been great and I haven't regretted it for a moment. I only wish I had met Him 15 years ago

. I would encourage you to weigh all your options and not be so against relocating. It can be a wonderful choice as it has been for us................luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 1/27/2008 8:55:40 AM >

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Post #: 8

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 8:55:20 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I can't imagine a scenario in which I would relocate. I know that it would be impossible to have the same house with the same mortgage anywhere else. My grown kids are not close, but I can get in a car and be with them in 3 hours, no way I want to live farther away from them. My family is here, and after living 19 years away from home, the last 10 back have been wonderful. I have two jobs and don't want to leave either of them. A man would have to be extraordinary to make me even consider relocation, I don't think he exists!

ack spelling

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 1/27/2008 8:57:26 AM >

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Post #: 9

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 9:12:50 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

I have relocated twice...to parts unknown...with unknown people..once it was wonderful ad the second time not so much...but I am Gypsy type person....I have the need to move around....I dont have any great concerns about safety as I also move with a few very large dogs and if that doesn't freak em out the assorted guns, rifles, swords, knives and whips do...a black belt doesn't hurt either..LOL
I am either brave or stupid..I prefer stave (a little of both)....I do not recommend it for EVERYONE in fact not for most people....:)just my two sense...Pamela

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pettingdragons
"may the moon bless you with her light.......so you dont pee on your feet"

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 10

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 9:16:05 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

Some one ever relocated for me fom the USA to Europe..partly to be with me (and the go back to her parents). I always felt guilt. She had a good job there...and has not found a good job again.
I didn't ask her..even said she shouldn't do it for me. But that is looking back, it is so hard to look in the future. But ...don't rush into it.

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(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 11

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 9:16:28 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I relocated where I am presently to go to school. I left my home of 30 years to do so. I am committed to people and ideas, not places. I love so many places that I have been, and I am just not emotionally invested in the place I am in.

I am relocating whether it is to be near Daddy, or somewhere else, so I thought it might as well be near Daddy. Actually I dislike the area I am living in presently. I love where he live. I also have an adult teen, he needs me still, and he can come with me. I understand what others have said about wanting to remain close by for their grown offspring. I am not of this opinion. Once they grow up they have their decisions about where they want to live and how they want to live. For all I know he could up and decide to move to another state, and in fact has mentioned doing just that a time or two... his life, he needs to lead it, just like I need to lead mine. I raised my offspring alone for over 17 years, I have sacrificed many an opportunity to do so. It is my turn now, and I am actualizing my own wants and desires.. that may sound selfish, but I have done the martyr thing way to long.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 12

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 9:21:30 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i'm relocating with attachments (my UMs) included in a few months and i can honestly say - we cannot wait to move to Oregon!

though i'm leaving behind many friends and family behind, i'm looking at this relocation as a new lease on life for me after a divorce ...for my oldest after 8 yrs of a traumatic accident which still bothers her and for my youngest, her own treehouse (her words exactly). i've never seen the ocean or whales ...camping (HA!) well we're still discussing about me communing up close and personal with Nature - should be fun times.

i won't have any problems finding a "job" - i'll be reviewing bands out there as well as in CA and WA. i know there will be slight adjustments for the girls with new schools, friends and family but SO and i will be there to help them get settled with the new surroundings.

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...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 13

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 9:28:06 AM

fullofgrace69

Posts: 99
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

i can't relocate at the moment because of my training course, the minute that is over i am considering moving about three hours away to the coast, that or staying where i am and going for a new job.
would i relocate for someone else? maybe, but i think at my age, it would be something that would come after doing the LDR thing for some time. i wouldn't feel comfortable to move and be with someone that i've not had a relationship with previously. also as i live with my family now, i don't know that they would be able to understand why i'd be moving to live with a random person they don't know anything about. but sure in the future when my career is more settled and if i felt truly comfortable with someone i would consider it i think. tho i dont think i would move out of the country.

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Post #: 14

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 9:28:27 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

LOL Julia...I suppose if things had been a bit different, I would be of the same frame of mind you are in regards to 'it's my time now' thinking. I dragged the chickee's with me from Indiana, to Texas, to Colorado, and back to Indiana...moving three times within the state before we finally settled where we are. The youngest, finally asked me if I was planning to move her again so I promised her that we wouldn't. I plan to keep it. I guess you could say that they put up with my wanderlust for a long time, now it's their time lol..

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Post #: 15

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 9:59:07 AM

shysub0951

Posts: 132
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

Me personally i wouldn't relocate to anywhere outside of CO at this point in time since my family and friends are here and the fact that i'm going to school and have a wonderful job, though i also have family in MT of which i wouldn't move back, no offense to anyone who lives there now. The only tip i would say is to not move immediantly within the first two emails to some unknown location, no matter how insistent he is. But it seems like you know that already, and like with me, when i do connect with someone i will meet them first to see if it will work out.
Best of luck to you

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 16

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 10:05:28 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Never mind me IM, I suffer from some guilt in looking forward to having "my time". I have my own mother telling me on a daily basis how much I will regret this attitude and I should continue to put off what I want for my adult son. Funny thing is, I do not recall her doing the same for me

I haven't lived with a man for almost 18 years, and offspring is the reason... I moved my son once in his life, and I was guilted for that too... I understand your making a promise and sticking to it, I would and have done the same. I have wanderlust myself, and it is something I haven't been able to do in my life... I am definitely looking forward to not having all the responsibility on my head. If I want to leave for a few weeks, I can. If I want to move, I can... high school is finished in June

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 17

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 10:25:23 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

i would relocate only within the province. and only after years of knowing the person and living previously with them to know what it is like together 24-7.
and most importantly only if we love eachother.

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Post #: 18

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 10:38:51 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I have just relocated; he moved me into the house on December 17th. It was a distance of about 3,700 miles. I have gone from a huge metropolis area (South Florida) to a small town in Northern Alberta. It was the best decision I have made.

We spent a couple years getting to know each other and spending as much time together as we could. I also spent a lot of time thinking about how things would change and what challenges we would face. Honestly, it has been much easier than I expected. The comment has been made on here that living with your master is much more intense than being long distance and I tried preparing myself for that. I was quite suprised to find out that things are less emotionally intense and less challenging than managing the distance. I am more content and at peace than I have ever been. Even getting private time has been easier than I expected even though we have a very full house, 4 kids, 3 adults, 5 cats, one dog and one frog.

Every now and then I wonder if we are still within the honeymoon phase or NRE even though we have been together almost 3 years, but things are peaceful and calm rather than the intense feelings from those times.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 19

RE: location, location, location - 1/27/2008 10:50:44 AM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

hubby relocated to be with me, but he only lived two hours away to begin with. he would go back to his place on weekends. when he'd come home during the week, he moved a carload of stuff at a time so when the big move came it wasn't as bad.

PM

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Post #: 20

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