Married men and women (Full Version)

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takenbyjohnr07 -> Married men and women (1/27/2008 11:14:02 AM)

i see so many single people in the BDSM world involved with married men or women (secretly) some are happy and some are not. My question is what attracts you to the married person vs the single person who may actually be wanting a full time committment?



KatyLied -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 11:22:48 AM)

Some people prefer relationships without full-time commitment.  Some people like the excitement of something that is forbidden.  Some people prefer to live in the here and now instead of waiting for something that may or may not come along.  I've never been with a married person so I'm just guessing about the attraction.  For some people there is nothing more powerful than having what they aren't supposed to have.



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 11:40:02 AM)

That is so very true. It's very easy to fall for a married man. Although nothing ever happened really between us, it was really hard getting back up for me.



Maya2001 -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 11:40:09 AM)

I did for a bit ...his wife knew, she was his sub and married him some 30 years ago he has had other subs ever since and loves introducing new people to the lifestyle, she feels very secure in her relationship with him and they have agreements which he has kept.   For me it was someone  I felt safe and secure with who could  introduce me to the lifestyle and learn from explaining safety in meeting, playing and with toys , some of protocols, even though it was short term and has been over with for several months, he is still a friend, confidant, advisor and shoulder to cry on if I need., for me it was a positive relationship, I have no regrets.   



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 11:42:23 AM)

That's wonderful! It's so nice when you can come away form somethng and have gained from it.



Kerjin -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 11:43:08 AM)

Are you referring to being with a married person when the married person spouse does not know of the relationship?

If so, it is nothing more than a simple case of someone having an affair, of cheating on thier spouse.  Personally I believe that a mans word is his bond.  If he's married and is living in a monogamous relationship, then he's being a bad little boy.



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 11:48:15 AM)

Yes, i had written (secretly) in my thread. The spouse has no idea what's going on.



domahpet -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 11:51:50 AM)

take the happiness you can get, and be happy with it



KatyLied -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 11:53:35 AM)

I have to agree on some level with that.  You really have no idea what is going on in another person's relationship.  I can see where it would be bad if one person starting having feelings beyond what was agreed to as far as relationship boundaries.  It's difficult to control where people's emotions go.



CalifChick -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 12:48:12 PM)

Sometimes it's a matter of attraction to the person, not their marital status.

Cali



Evility -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 1:44:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07
i see so many single people in the BDSM world involved with married men or women (secretly) some are happy and some are not. My question is what attracts you to the married person vs the single person who may actually be wanting a full time committment?


This question assumes you have both before you to chose from (the versus part). Perhaps it is more "What attracts you to the married person versus spending all your time alone?". I'm not advocating hooking up with a married person nor am I criticizing it - I'm simply trying to add some clarity to your question. I think most folks would tend to prefer a single person if everything else were essentially equal. Life just doesn't always work out that way.



kinkypuppy2 -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 1:57:26 PM)

I feel it should not be "secretly" but many do as it apparently give them a feeling of security that they will not be approched for a relationship with a commitment.



breatheasone -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 3:31:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i see so many single people in the BDSM world involved with married men or women (secretly) some are happy and some are not. My question is what attracts you to the married person vs the single person who may actually be wanting a full time committment?

I don't know about the "secretly" part....I am married but my husband has given me permission to have this D/s relationship I am having. I would assume the prevailing thought is married folks are "safer" emotionally...meaning since they are already committed they won't want that kind of commitment from another....Thats just my best guess......



littlebitxxx -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 3:56:37 PM)

I played with a married man for several months.  He has been married for 39 years to the same woman.  She was very straight vanilla and he was a kinky Dom.  She knew about his outside interests just didn't want to hear the details.  He used to drive her into town every couple weeks, drop her off and spend the afternoon with me.  She knew about me and I knew about her but that's as far as it went.  She allowed him to go off and do his kinky stuff knowing he would be returning to her in the evening.  It kept them both happy.  I know it kept me happy for the time, too.   [:D]



shysub0951 -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 5:13:27 PM)

i'm talking with a married Dom and we have a lot in common but we would not be in a d/s relationship because i respect his wife and wouldn't want to come inbetween both parties. Even though she knows what he does, that's just a line i won't cross.
   With a single person, if i find a connection, then i will continue talking with them, going out for coffee or something and see if it's for real. And if so, fine, if not that's ok to.



HeavansKeeper -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 7:36:03 PM)

In my life I've met a lot of homewreckers.  They tell me there are plus sides to a married man. 

1) He's usally clean, meaning the amount of new partners he has is lower than that of a single man.
2) He's stable. If he can maintain 2 women, 2 kids, 2 cars, 2 dogs then he must be a fairly  "together" guy.
3) He's confident.  Without being cocky.  Because he has that "I don't need you, I choose you." allure.
4) He's wicked.  All the pent up sexual aggression from what is (apparently) an failing marriage means he has a beast to let out.  If only he told his wife he wanted to tie her down...

I don't think these are accurate, but they are what I've been told.

Personally, I hate the idea of infidelity.  Women put up with so much crap, they'd probably be relieved if the husband just was himself, for better and for worse (in sickness and in health, so long as you both shall live.  Also, your shared "Slavegirl" should probably say 'I do' too.)



Aylee -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 7:55:05 PM)

He or She has been vetted, therefore it is a better choice than choosing alone.



KnOcala -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 8:03:33 PM)

I am personally against having a relationship with a married person..  I personally feel in the long run, no good can come from it.



Aynne -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 9:16:18 PM)

Don't ask me, I made the hugest mistake of getting involved with someone on here that is taken, he pursued me, and she has no idea.  Trust me, I am not the only one.  Then he lies about his activities to her , say he is just being a "Dom" and training others. Poor girl, I should tell her, what do you think?



Leatherist -> RE: Married men and women (1/27/2008 9:17:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne

Don't ask me, I made the hugest mistake of getting involved with someone on here that is taken, he pursued me, and she has no idea.  Trust me, I am not the only one.  Then he lies about his activities to her , say he is just being a "Dom" and training others. Poor girl, I should tell her, what do you think?


Yes, and every other cheater on here.

Out them all, every one.



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