RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology - 1/29/2008 8:30:23 PM

northwindrise

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline

Just a thought. Are both of you going through meapause. If so it can be quite the trip. Recently went through that myself. At the same time I went to a pro. She has worked with me for several years giving me advice. i told her on the first visit I wish my wife would get into this.
Two yers later, I get a session about 2 times a month from my wife. Just go slow and tread lightly. Take baby steps. Therepist may be help foul or not.
I am not advocating cheating. I know I did. It is not worth the guilt trip.

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology - 1/29/2008 10:00:36 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Thank you kind response cTP. I can promise the third thing (lying) won't happen again. Depressing I can tip-toe around but boring will be tough.

Here I am talking about my little issues " 'Nilla blah blah blah blah, is that normal?"

While in other threads they're debating how many Buicks can one parallel park in someone's else's rectum or does the flogger go on the same side as the forks or above the plate? Just otherwordly stuff.

Boring is going to be tough to dodge.

Oh you'll be just fine. See, a sense of humor, things are looking up already.

By the way, the answers to those queries;

1.5, but this doesn't account for the extra space needed for a pair of fuzzy dice.

Neither, the flogger should be drapped in a fashion forward circle around the plate.

Speaking of dodging, dodge ball can be quite the party when included in BDSM.

And remember, living in unhappiness is the unkindest lie of all. Make you happy.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology - 1/31/2008 8:10:35 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

I'm not looking for a mistress or owner or cyber whatever. I'm just trying to find some peace. And I have to find that myself.

YES - you do. I too don't want to rehash advice given to you or others, but if you have time, searrch my posts. I have a sense of peace and happiness I never thought possible, but it took some terrible things happening in my life, some major realizations, and great advice from a friend. If I can help one person jump over the heartbreak to find this place, my karma will be incredible.

Good luck.

My opinion is this. I came from an abusive/adultress marriage. My ex cheated on me all the time, and always had some excuse for it.
You need to be a man, and I assume you are a man because I haven't checked your profile, but all you are doing is lying to yourself. You are not fit to be in this lifestyle because we require truth and honesty in all matters in a relationship, or there are serious consequences for it. Lying is not allowed.
Next, quit filling sorry for yourself, and give your wife the unconditional love she deserves and leave the lifestyle. Do not play with Dom/mes. We are pretty smart in the cheating area of the game, and that is what you are doing. You are cheating on your wife, yourself, and killing her.
Either do the right thing and file for divorce, or leave the life. You just cannot do it at this time.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology - 1/31/2008 8:32:10 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

In the last few months I occasionaly sit at her feet or sit with her on the couch and take her feet in my hands to rub her feet at the end of the day; she pretty quickly tells me to stop. I resently sat at her feet while she was petting the cat and reading the paper and asked if she would pet me like she was petting the cat. She asked if I really needed to be petted like the cat and something in her tone made me think I should say no, which I did.

There have been years (only a handful) that we did not engage in sex. There have been occasional periods of days that she fondles me and grinds herslef against me in her sleep at night. This is very difficult to endure.

Several few years ago I joked with her that I knew we were due to have sex because it was time to change the batteries in the smoke detectors. She has made it a point to initiate sex a little more frequently than that since then. And when we do it's wonderful.

She does not verbalize emotions or feelings. "I told you that I loved you when we got married and I'll let you know when I change my mind" she says.

First off there is some impressive advice given in this thread, I don't often post here but I saw it scrolling by and thought I would comment.

The above passage just SCREAMS repression to me. You two may talk to each other but neither of you is actually being honest with each other. You didn't ask her to pet you because you THOUGHT she didn't want to? She grinds against you in her sleep? SOMETHING is getting her horny but she is too repressed to act on it when awake and may in fact be unaware or more likely ashamed of what she is dreaming of.

Most people go through life doing what they THINK they should be doing and responding to others how they think they are SUPPOSED to. They are often totally unaware of what they want or at best ashamed or insecure about it that they never give voice to it.

So, they NEED to be pet, perhaps their partner might even get off on petting them, but if their partner asks, the are so ashamed or insecure they reject the offer out of fear of rejection.

ITS SICK !!!!!

It takes a long time to build the trust needed to actually BE open AND honest with each other. You need to learn to listen, not just to their words but their body language AND to read their mind. Yeah, I said it.

Step outside yourself and look at how you react to her, how you lie to her ("no, I don't need to be pet") and how your body shows fear, and yet you in fact NEED the complete opposite. Imagine your wife doing the same to you!

I have NO idea what she wants, she probably doesn't know either. Learn to be open, take risks, make yourself vulnerable to her. In short, model the sort of relationship YOU want. If she opens up to you, great, if not, then you really know she isn't ready for what you want.

A therapist for BOTH of you and just YOU would be a HUGE help.

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology - 1/31/2008 10:46:22 AM

TermsConditions

Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

MSCD, I appreciated your response. It sounds like you had a bad time; With no such experience I have no way of understanding what a bad experience you had.

OK. I painted myself in the worst possible light. I never actually engaged in interaction with anyone with the idea of doing anything other than posting on the message boards. I never actively sought a relationship with anyone. I did post on the boards without indicating my marital status. I am what I am but am not intentionally evil.

If posting here is cheating then I need to rethink posting here. From my perspective its thearpy; but maybe I need to do it somewhere else. It is sort of stinking up the Mistress board.

It is not possible for me to leave the lifestyle as I have never been in the lifestyle. My experience includes this board and a couple of other experiences.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology - 1/31/2008 7:15:34 PM

TermsConditions

Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

SM,

"First off there is some impressive advice given in this thread".

I comletely agree and your's is more of that good advice.

"ITS SICK !!!!"

It's messed up and I've done the easy thing and let it slide for far too long. My mom left the when I was little and I have massive self esteme and fear of rejection issues. Talking (typing) about it helps. Turns out I might not freakishly mentally ill after all.

With the help of folks here I'm gathering my courage. I put "The New Bottoming" book on my AMEX where she's going to find it. I'm a big passive-agressive pussy but I'm slowly outing myself.

"O would some power the gift to give us to see ourselves as others see us."

Shut up, Bob.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology - 1/31/2008 7:43:20 PM

TermsConditions

Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

For the purose of full disclosure: I had posted in this thread that I did not want to email one-on-one with someone. That's was a cop out because I'm afraid of ....I don't know what. Maybe emailing is cheating or maybe it's therapy. I'm bawling my eyes out and email comes in 'tell me your dreams, boy' what am I supposed to do? Other very kind mail and a post in this thread have included the possiblity of that person acting as a sounding board, which I think would be helpful. Thanks to everyone who has endured this thread and to those who have kindly contributed to it and to my understanding.

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology - 1/31/2008 8:12:22 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

MSCD, I appreciated your response. It sounds like you had a bad time; With no such experience I have no way of understanding what a bad experience you had.

OK. I painted myself in the worst possible light. I never actually engaged in interaction with anyone with the idea of doing anything other than posting on the message boards. I never actively sought a relationship with anyone. I did post on the boards without indicating my marital status. I am what I am but am not intentionally evil.

If posting here is cheating then I need to rethink posting here. From my perspective its thearpy; but maybe I need to do it somewhere else. It is sort of stinking up the Mistress board.

It is not possible for me to leave the lifestyle as I have never been in the lifestyle. My experience includes this board and a couple of other experiences.

Terms:

What you don't understand this is I caught my exhusband via email. To chat with people on the net is like you are cheating even if you are not. It will eventually lead to it.
Anything on your computer can be used in court if you were to have to go. All I want you to do is to realize you need to be with your wife if you love her.
I won't back down on that at all. I know what it feels like to be hurt by ranting on computers. You can check the harddrive very easily.
You are not being fair to us either if you are just having fun to get your kicks. That is not what the lifestyle is all about.

I wish you the best and understand where you are coming from. I don't think I made you cry because I think you knew what you were up to. I may be the first one to call your hand on it.
Again, it is because I was cheated on via computer by sites like these.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Depressing and boring relationship post and appology - 2/1/2008 12:00:59 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

"ITS SICK !!!!"

It's messed up and I've done the easy thing and let it slide for far too long. My mom left the when I was little and I have massive self esteme and fear of rejection issues. Talking (typing) about it helps. Turns out I might not freakishly mentally ill after all.

With the help of folks here I'm gathering my courage. I put "The New Bottoming" book on my AMEX where she's going to find it. I'm a big passive-agressive pussy but I'm slowly outing myself.

Here is a perfect example of bad communication. I said "its sick" and you took that as "YOU are sick" and what I mean was "it is sad that people who might be truly happy together AND fullfilled instead spend all their time hiding from themselves and each other".

Sorry about that.

Passive aggressive behavior sucks and you need to break yourself of it. I LOVE the bottoming book but it is the wrong book, the pictures are stupid and it is too "perverted". Find a copy of Midori's book "The Wild Side of Sex" as doesn't present this stuff as "wierd" or out of the mainstream.

My bet is she is as chocked full of issues as you are. You need to create a safe place for HER to open up. Which means YOU need to be brave and say "yes I want to do these things"..and allow her to freak out, pretend she isn't interested and create a SAFE place for her to explore. Tell her she only has to try one thing from the book, that way she can pretend she doesn't want to. Again, be brave and see what happens.

Seriously, you guys aren't having sex anyway, you aren't happy, what the hell do you have to lose?

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Profile

Post #: 29