Maintaining it through the pain

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Aimtoplease101 -> Maintaining it through the pain (1/27/2008 10:15:11 PM)
I recently entertained an out of town guest for a few days whom I had been corresponding with for a while on CM. We had a very enjoyable time, but one incident occurred that I'd like to ask about here. She wanted me to remain erect during the entirety of play time together. That wasn't a problem for the most part, since I'm normally very aroused during a D/s session, she did a very good job teasing me throughout our interaction, and I had refrained from orgasming for several days prior to her arrival. However, at one point during a "discliplinary" portion of our play time, I had trouble maintaining. She had warmed me up pretty well with a bare handed spanking of increasing intensity, and I did just fine during that. However, once she had me red and tingling, she bent me over the foot of the bed and took out a thick leather strap from her bag. She's a pretty powerful lady, and she cracked me quite well with the strap repeatedly-- I had the welts and marks afterwards to testify to it. It never got to the point where I needed to safeword out of the scene, and I think I did a respectable job of channeling my breathing and taking the beating, but I lost my erection, a fact that did not escape her notice or comment. It's not that I no longer felt the scene was erotic, or wanted it to stop-- physically I just shut down down there. I was able to regain it once we moved on to other activities, but I certainly felt like I had fallen short (so to speak) of her instruction to remain erect at all times. So the questions-- first, do you require your subs to remain erect during "play time" (and to the subs, are you required to do so)? If so, have you found that certain activities, like harder impact play/ discipline make this more difficult to accomplish? What do you do, in that case, to address the situation? Viagra? Cock rings/ harnesses? Meditation or other pain management techniques? Longer periods of pre-session denial? Or is there simply a threshold beyond which only the truly extreme masochistic pain slut scan keep the flag at full mast? I appreciate your input. Regards, ATP

canupleaseme -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 12:32:04 AM)
In my experience Ive not found any sub who was able to maintain an erection throughout the entire session even when they were so turned on. I think if your on the recieving end of some pain play that your body has enough to think about without your cock staying hard. Viagra cock rings most of the above that you mentioned havent made any difference for the people Ive played with. I am sure there will be people out there who can maintain but in my personal experience it's never happened. I think I would be setting myself up for disapointment if I requested my boy to stay hard throughout play and to be honest quite bored with it. I love watching my cock react to different things when we play I love having the control of making it hard when I want and have more fun telling him he has 30 seconds to lose the hard on or his ass gets it [:)]

MistressDolly -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 1:33:26 AM)
It's a silly and unreasonable demand, imo.

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 1:59:19 AM)
No, I do not expect it to stay up. That is the point [:D] Sooner or later, enough pain will make any man's penis want to run and hide from me [&o]. Those danged things have a mind of their own and are often a bit smarter than their owners........ It is fun to demand a man stay hard, then turn up the pain until we reach the inevitable failure point. Then tease and play punish him for failing his 'simple' (ha ha) task The old Keep-It-Up-4-Mistress game is a cute excuse for a bit of sexy humiliation play. Could she have been setting you this impossible task on purpose? Sounds like you took a fair beating before she won the challenge [:D] Its funny how some men will lose their hard on with a mere smack on the bottom, while others break at caning. Everyone is different but they all flag eventually if I try hard enough (in my experience anyway - there must be exceptions out there)

thetammyjo -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 5:23:37 AM)
I think a demand that someone stay erect or wet for any period of time is a set-up for failure. I don't set-ups for failure because I think they end up damaging the bond between people.

LadyPact -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 6:41:18 AM)
If it was a serious pain scene, the chances of you being able to keep the erection are slim to none. I'm sure the person you were playing with already knew that, and planted it in your head as something of a distraction factor. She may have wanted a little diversion for you to concentrate on, to prevent you from going to space too quickly, or she may have been laying the groundwork for future methods. It's hard (excuse the pun) to say without knowing her thought process. I will say, from My own point of view, that there is a certain excitement in starting a scene with an aroused male, then through the course of events, causing the turtle effect, then coaxing the little fellow back out again. I can tell you from this side of things that a couple of well placed dragon tail flicks to the inner thighs will certainly produce the instinctive reaction desired. I've yet to meet the bottom who can keep the erection while the threat of injury anywhere near the genital area is introduced. It is purely a physical response to the body's own protective instincts. As much as a bottom would want to stay in the aroused state, at some point, the 'survive/protect' trigger takes over, and the bottom can no longer hold out.

Shawn1066 -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 7:15:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101 So the questions-- first, do you require your subs to remain erect during "play time" (and to the subs, are you required to do so)? If so, have you found that certain activities, like harder impact play/ discipline make this more difficult to accomplish? What do you do, in that case, to address the situation? Viagra? Cock rings/ harnesses? Meditation or other pain management techniques? Longer periods of pre-session denial? Or is there simply a threshold beyond which only the truly extreme masochistic pain slut scan keep the flag at full mast? I appreciate your input. Regards, ATP If I lose my erection during a scene, then everything is fine. It's not really a cause for concern. This rarely ever happens, but sometimes the body just doesn't want to play nicely with the mind. It doesn't mean what's happening is any less hot or arousing, it's just the state of things. The worst thing you can do is focus on trying to stay erect. That's like the quickest way to lose your arousal and most of the enjoyment of the scene. If you spend the entire time focusing on your penis, then you're totally missing all the good stuff. Just forget it's there and you'll be fine. Both of you. My 0.02 DV's Fox

Aimtoplease101 -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 7:33:10 AM)
Thanks folks--- Feeling much better about the incident for knowing it's the typical reaction. This is a good example of why this board is useful and helpful. Have fun out there! ATP

LadyLynx -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 8:57:28 AM)
Well my nipples don't always harden/or stay harden when aroused, so i wouldn't expect a man to be able to maintain an erection. Nor would I punish him for it.

ItalianSMistress -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 9:34:48 AM)
Yeah, just reading that post I thought it was an unreal demand. Esp if she was increasing the amount of pain, sooner or later, your goin down! lol Its fun to watch a body react to what you are doing, but the person in the body can not always control how it reacts. You just have to go with that. Unless, like Ms C said, she was setting you up to fail, which many have done to slaves many times. But if that was the case, you should not feel bad about it now, it was a game, and as everybody knows, those are usually rigged for the Dom/me to win. Hahaha.

ElanSubdued -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 9:36:12 AM)
ATP, My first thought after reading your OP was "gee, ya sure know how to take the fun out of things". More seriously now, every reply you've received up to now is, in my opinion, pretty much spot on. But, I'll add my own two bits into the ring too. The whole staying erect thing, to me, is a non issue. Were this my concentration during play, it would be the fastest way for me to lose my erection. Sometimes when I play, I'm not erect at all. Other times, the mast is at full salute. And, of course, there are many variations in between. At all times, my focus is on my partner and the affection we're sharing and communicating, not on my cock. Many things influence a man's ability to gain and maintain an erection. A lot of people here discussed reaction to pain play. This is one thing, but day-to-day things have a huge impact too. So, for example, if you're tired and have had a very stressful day, your body may reflect this. Another time I've found erection difficult to maintain is when doing BDSM play that is new and extremely edgy for me. Usually, during this kind of play, my partner's attention is far from my cock (unless the type of play happens to involve the cock). Her attention is on me, making sure I'm safe, caressing my emotions, and enjoying our two-way communication. So yes, here's another vote for "your cock will do what it wants to do". I'm not saying mindset can't influence erection. Sometimes it's fun to purposely play with erection/orgasm rules, but I think it's better when these are more playful than concrete. "Oh, I see someone's happy... let's see how happy he is after another few swats" is playful whereas "stroke for me boy... you must orgasm in x seconds (or x strokes) otherwise you don't get to cum" is a setup for failure. Failure scenarios usually cause me to lose my erection immediately because all I can concentrate on are feelings of disobeying and failing my partner. Not a good way to spend intimate time with someone and as thetammyjo pointed out, potentially damaging. Just enjoy spending time with your partner and don't worry so much about the flag pole. That's my advice. Elan.

PhoenixRed -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 4:04:56 PM)
Just my 2 cents to the OP. I do like my boys to be erect for a good portion of a session, but as many others have posted already, it's not realistic to expect it for the whole session. Pain is one thing that can make a man lose an erection. Concentrating on sensations that are going on at other parts of his body are another. Your body does have physiological reations that you can't consciously control sometimes. Another activity I've found challenging for men is staying erect while a strapon is being used on them. Most, even though they enjoy the sensations of it, can't stay erect unless thir cock has some physical stimulus. If I want them to cum during this activity, when I decide it's time, I'll start stroking them and encouraging them back to an erect state. Some men can cum while being fucked, some just can't. It all comes down to learning what your triggers are and you're Dom/me knowing what your triggers are, be they physical, verbal or mental. Just as an aside...there is one thing I do with them to "encourage" their staying erect. I put a cock ring just behind the glans with a bell attached to it. I tell them every once and a while to "ring the bell". If they get totally flaccid the ring may slip off, earning them a correction. They're told not to drop the bell. When I tell them to "ring the bell", I stop any other activity I'm doing so they can concentrate on that. Works pretty well. It's a conditioning thing.... have fun with it.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 5:11:19 PM)
Not relevant to pain play but during lingam massage (A genital massage in tantric practice) it's common for the lingam (Penis) to go limp and hard several times over, and that's from gentle erotic stimulation. I don't understand the mechanics behind why Junior falls over from time to time but it's quite natural and likely a healthy reaction to prolonged stimulation. It gives your loins a chance for normal circulation as far as I could see. From a sub point of view setting you up for failure like that seems a bit sadistic. Sometimes you just can't control what your body does without your a-okay.

Ravel -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/28/2008 8:53:39 PM)
I have read through most of these posts and happen to agree to them. As a switch I've been on both ends of the game so to speak. When I'm playing the sub for my Lord Asher DeLampyr I find that there are some things that stop me completely and make me go dry. Usually during pain play, fierce biting on the neck, riding crop to the bottom, hair pulled back a lot harder than expected. Although in these circumstances I dry up it is getting me wet again that enhances the play (at least for me). Thus I want to play a lot more. It also makes my Lord happier knowing that he is the one that completely controls me in these circumstances.

pixelslave -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/29/2008 7:05:14 AM)
ATP, There was one Domme I knew with whom I had a brief relationship where it was her goal to begin things with my having an erection, then intensify things to the point where I lost it. After which, she wanted to "beat it back up" so to speak. [:D] Bottom line (pun not intentional), don't worry about it! It's gonna do what it's gonna do. Enjoy focusing on the sensations of whatever is *really* going on or you'll miss out on all the fun by focusing on the wrong things. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] - pixel

Aimtoplease101 -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/29/2008 10:09:43 AM)
Thanks for the advice one and all. I want to emphasive that the reason I saw this as an issue at all was that my dominant friend was telling me to keep it up, and that she pointed out during the strapping that I was losing it. Otherwise, I'd be focusing on my breathing and enduring the discipline, and not worrying about what junior was doing. Regards, ATP

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/29/2008 5:26:46 PM)
I think she was just having a bit of fun! She sounds like a keeper, ATP [:)]

Aimtoplease101 -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/29/2008 8:11:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne I think she was just having a bit of fun! She sounds like a keeper, ATP [:)] An out of town visitor from another part of the country, alas!

MisPandora -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/29/2008 9:24:15 PM)
Her expectation was totally unreasonable. As for what I think of an individual who carries such an unreasonable expectation, tammyjo's post summed it up nicely. Setting someone up for failure is potentially damaging to the other person's psyche, and it requires skill and aftercare, and preferably an ongoing relationship to assure that no negative damage has been done as result. The other side to the equation is that the domina carrying that expectation is very rarely satisfied. That's gotta suck for her.

MisPandora -> RE: Maintaining it through the pain (1/29/2008 9:26:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued Just enjoy spending time with your partner and don't worry so much about the flag pole. That's my advice. Elan. Nice advice, but that wasn't his problem. He wasn't solely worried about making sure he was hard. SHE was the one that set up the expectation that she wanted his dick hard the whole time, and that's why he was concerned about it.

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