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self-awareness - 2/20/2004 8:44:07 AM   
looking4One


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2004
From: Orange County, CA.
Status: offline 		Greetings to Aall,

~one has been reading many posts and is quite impressed by the level of honesty and openness that Mmany have shown.. she feels it's perhaps time to do the same; to open herself up to Oother's and let Tthem, if Tthey so choose, to get to know a bit of the "real" her, a deeper sense of herself, not just the superficial "top layer" lol. This girl is relatively new to the L/s.. she has no doubts as to who and what she is however. What she's found, though, in her short walk here so far is a bit disturbing to her, something she's not very proud of nor likes at all and would like to know if there are any others out there who can relate, or if Aany have any suggestions for her... besides stop...lol.
~one has found that while she has a deep need to serve and please One.. she tends to roam. ~she's talked, seriously with a Few but has found most to be online "Dom's" only... which is absolutely fine for Them.. has taught this one that she needs more than that. What her problem is, she fears, is the constant need for that hand to be there.. that thumb to be above her always; to know that One controls her..always.. not just when He is "present", if that makes sense to anyOone out there. When she is not "under His thumb" so to speak, she looks for One to be under... Please know this is not something she's proud of at all...is this basic insecurity, disloyalty, lack of integrity...what??
Any comments would be appreciated. Thank Yyou Aall and peace be with Yyou always.

~looking4One
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: self-awareness - 2/20/2004 2:14:34 PM   
MCarlos


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/20/2004
Status: offline 		Dear looking4One...

You have written well. Let me share my thoughts with you.

I advice you not to haste into finding someone just for the sake of having that someone. As good grandma will always say, "don't go shopping in the supermarket when you are hungry... because everything looks good.."

Unfortunately many Doms are only capable of living out online fantasies, frankly, many cheating behind someone, either it be a wife, or another submissive, or whatever, otherwise if everything else fits and within reason, why can there be any reality to the big talks? Which means, well, many are just all talks with no real substance.

With that in mind, it is further more important not to haste into a real life experience because you might get hurt by it after finding out the truth to behind those fancy words and when real life does not match up to expectations.

With that being said... I do understand what you are asking, the fear about the constant need and the constant realization that you have this need. This is but normal, in the phase of discovering yourself. It is a very scary world --the one that has yourself inside-out and clearly visible to your very own eyes. ... But, what you do is with every step of your discovery, take a moment to pause, analyze, study, and confirm for yourself where you are, where you want to go, and settle square-one before moving on to square-two, and so on.

The foundation is important -- that foundation is first and foremost know yourself, and draw up clear boundaries. It is not insane, but might drive you there if you have not secured yourself before venturing out to the open sea...that's when sudden insecurity and fear overtakes us,... overwhelmingly..


MC

(in reply to looking4One)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: self-awareness - 2/20/2004 3:43:33 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		This is going to sound bad, but I guess it's one of the reasons I am not found of 3rd person speech. I had to laugh that your screen name is looking4One, yet you start by saying *one* has been reading, and *one* tends to roam. It makes it almost sound like you are the one you are looking for....

That being said, if you are seriously looking for *one*, why would you tend to roam? It seems a major contradiction,,, Are you looking for micromanagement? And what are you views on honor within the lifestyle when you roam anytime you are not *under his thumb*?

I have to admit I know few that are into micromanagement. Most I know seem to prefer a slave who is capable of doing things to make their lives easier without being told and doesn't have be watched like a 2 year old to make sure they don't wonder off to play in the street.... But I guess to each his or her own.

Sandy

(in reply to MCarlos)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: self-awareness - 2/21/2004 8:30:21 AM   
Simpleslave


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline 		EStrict/Sandy: This girl has come on here with open honesty and asked for advice regarding a situation she finds herself in, and your response is to mock her for something you clearly have no conception of? Here's a tip, try researching before you judge someone. Your condescending judgemental attitude sickens me, especially in a lifestyle that promotes openminded and nonjudgemental behavior.

Third person speach is a symbol of respect and submission/slavery, if it annoys you, dont read it. I for one find it beautiful and sweet. It may not be your thing, but you've no right to judge someone for whats right for them.

Furthermore, I dont recall her saying anything about wanting to be micromanaged. You may wish to check you reading skills, or at the very least your ability to pay attention.

Looking4One, I am in full agreement with MCarlos on this one. You have a need to be Dominated, and being new to the L/s this need is especially strong. The only way to stop is to make a conscious decision to do so, and hold to it, no matter how deep the temptation reaches. Playing around will bring only heartache and feelings of betrayal in the end, and thats never a good thing. you know what you need to do....but you wont be able to until you make that choice, and truly want it.

Fond regards,
Simpleslave

< Message edited by Simpleslave -- 2/21/2004 8:28:56 AM >

(in reply to looking4One)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: self-awareness - 2/21/2004 9:06:50 AM   
looking4One


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2004
From: Orange County, CA.
Status: offline 		Greetings MCarlos Sir,

~one would like to thank You for Your kind words, they are truly appreciated, thank You, Sir.
You are quite right in that Many are "cheating" in some form or another, or at least, that has been this one's experience thus far. And too, one most definitely needs to pause, analyze, study etc. thank You, Sir. ~one will heed Your advice and look more carefully, ...lol.. in other words.. she shall not go shopping while she's still hungry..lol.
Thank You again, Sir. Peace be with You.

~looking

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: self-awareness - 2/21/2004 9:24:04 AM   
looking4One


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2004
From: Orange County, CA.
Status: offline 		Greetings Ssandy,

Here goes the 3rd person again... one thanks you for your response. It has been this girl's experience that 3rd person is not for Aall and that is fine, however; if you'll notice, there is quite a difference between One and one. Perhaps just a problem differentiating has caused some of your confusion. ~one most certainly is not looking for herself nor anyOne anywhere near what she herself is...lol...quite the opposite actually, which should be quite apparent especially within the context of the L/s.
No, one is not looking for micromanagement. From looking deeper within herself and speaking to Oothers, she feels more like, as One Dear Friend put it, that she has a need to feel like she is owned. With such in place one truly believes that yes, she would be set firmly in place, knowing where it is she belongs and not wishing to search elsewhere for what she's needing. ~she does not need to be babysat, only needs to know her place and have One strong enough to make her feel that at all times... hence the "under His thumb" comment. ~one is more than willing and quite capable of doing all that needs to be done to ensure One's happiness and pleasure; what she does not know or cannot do, she would strive to do such and is more than willing to learn. Your condescending attitude is, in this girl's opinion, quite offensive and disrespectful, a characteristic rather unbecoming of anyOone, most especially those who refer to themselves as a submissive or slave (again, in this girl's opinion).
~one wishes you the best in your journey and endeavors.

~looking

(in reply to Simpleslave)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: self-awareness - 2/21/2004 9:28:10 AM   
looking4One


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2004
From: Orange County, CA.
Status: offline 		Greetings simpleslave
Thanks sister...lol. ~you're absolutely right and one loves you for your candor and honesty.. thank you.

Love you!

~looking

(in reply to looking4One)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: self-awareness - 2/21/2004 9:47:46 AM   
Simpleslave


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline 		love you more sis *huggs* hang in there.

Simpleslave

(in reply to looking4One)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: self-awareness - 2/21/2004 10:50:35 AM   
ZenMaster


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/30/2004
Status: offline 		This is my first post on here.

I would simply say to accept yourself as you are. If you feel the need to have someone in your life who you want to be "under His thumb" then simply accept that about yourself and continue your search. you will know when the right one comes along. There may be a few weeds to pull of the way but eventually you'll find the one whom you can not only be "under His thumb" but share many happy moments together. I wish you well in your search.

(in reply to looking4One)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: self-awareness - 2/21/2004 12:34:34 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Simple.

Thank you for the reply, I love irony. Do you notice you do everything you accuse me of? And pray tell, what do I need to research? If it is third speech and where most get it from, you are incorrect. I am well aware that most that use 3rd speech do it as part of the Gorean culture. I am equally aware that the few places where a slave did speak in third person in the books, they reverted to 1st person speech by the next page.

If it is something else, please explain.

There is also nothing wrong my comprehension either, but thank you for your concern.

Looking wrote: "When she is not "under His thumb" so to speak, she looks for One to be under... " This comment says she needs to be constantly under thumb which fits the guidelines for micromanagement.

If what she writes is taken as written, she either is seeking to be micromanaged, or is showing a major lack of integrity *in my opinion* in looking for one to control her just because her current isn't being strong enough. Unless, of course, she tells the one that she is with that if he isn't being strong enough to control her constantly she plans on looking when he isn't looking.

Looking: Yes, I do know the difference between One and one. Both are pronouns, one of them is improperly capitalized.

Sandy

(in reply to Simpleslave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: self-awareness - 2/21/2004 2:16:31 PM   
looking4One


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2004
From: Orange County, CA.
Status: offline 		*laughing* ignorance is bliss

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: self-awareness - 2/21/2004 2:46:26 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Looking,

Ignorance is the lack of knowledge or comprehension. I am not ignorant. I just disagree with the feeling that improper English as any bearing on dominance or submission.

I have full comprehension of the things written in your original post. I fully understand the *need* to be owned. I have it, or I would not be owned. I also know reality is that if Master controlled my every little move, it would be micromanagement.

I thrive on Master's dominance. We have been together for 4 years, and our relationship is stronger than ever. Now, if what you are speaking of as *under his thumb* is just being accountable for your every action, that is a different matter. I am well aware that my every choice has consequences that are not seen by others.

But, Master is a human, and we have complicated lives, just like most others do. There are times when he has no time for me at all it seems. And though I *crave* to know my place, it would show an extreme lack of honor and integrity if because he is to busy to remind me of my place or deal with anything that needs to be dealt with as promptly as he would like that I were to go seeking someone who *could* keep me under thumb, don't you think?

Sandy

(in reply to looking4One)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: self-awareness - 2/23/2004 12:27:20 PM   
poeticsurrender


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Huntington Beach, California
Status: offline 		Perhaps, my friend , you roam because there is not a Master worthy of you yet. i wouldn't consider it "roaming" as much as searching for the right One. When vanilla people date, they don't date just one person usually, they date a few, trying to find one to 'click' with. W/we need more than that. There is far more involvement in this lifestyle. The trust level, the emotional involvement, the devotion has to be intensive and sure. There, there's my two cents ......... love you!!!!!!!




Attachment (1)

(in reply to looking4One)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: self-awareness - 2/23/2004 12:29:56 PM   
poeticsurrender


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Huntington Beach, California
Status: offline 		i think You may want to consider the phrase of "to each their own". There are some that choose third person speech because it allows them to feel their own surrender fully. i know this girl personally and i know it is something that comes naturally to her submission and only makes her more attractive. It may be a bit more difficult when reading, but if she chooses to express herself in this way, i believe she should not be judged

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: self-awareness - 2/23/2004 1:40:00 PM   
looking4One


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2004
From: Orange County, CA.
Status: offline 		Thanks sis... love you more... you mean the world to this girl!

(in reply to poeticsurrender)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: self-awareness - 12/24/2004 7:36:41 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

(in reply to looking4One)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: self-awareness - 12/25/2004 8:53:37 PM   
RealityFix


Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline 		This will cease when you go from online, to an actual real life investment you fear the loss of.

Enjoy your wanderings until that day.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: self-awareness - 12/26/2004 4:26:49 PM   
MC2044


Posts: 31
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		I think you have answered you own question. If you doubt your ability to submit to and concentrate on one dominant only, that sounds like basic insecurity, perhaps disloyalty, and lack of integrity. It also sounds like fear due to inexperience.

What I did not detect is recognition that your desire to serve and please will build a love for your dominant that will keep you focused upon that dominant. I think once you find the One you will cease to feel the need to roam.

(in reply to looking4One)
Profile   Post #: 18
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