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slavegirljoy -> RE: WTF? (1/29/2008 7:52:44 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: breatheasone
but now I'm feeling things I never knew a person could feel....Its scary.
I never knew giving away control could feel so good, and SO scary all at the same time.
This is part of a letter that i wrote to my Master on Oct. 2, 2007, almost 2 years after He took Ownership of me:
Good Morning Master, Your slave girl just needed to tell You that she is so very happy, that it hurts. Does that sound stupid? Your slave girl has never felt this way before, Master, and it is just a little bit scary but, so wonderful, at the same time. You have done this to me. You have captured me and made me feel Owned by You, and it feels so fantastic. It's kind of hard to explain but, it makes me quiver inside and makes me tremble all over and makes me wonder if it's really true or just my wishful thinking. i have stayed by Your side, devoted to You, not just because i said i would be Your slave for life but, also because i can't stand the thought of not belonging to You. i can't stand the thought of not being Your slave. i can't stand the thought of not being with You. i need You, Master. Do You know how badly i need You? You captured the essence of my being, Sir. You saw inside this slave girl's soul and You took control of it and, You did it so beautifully. You don't need locks or chains to enslave me, Master. You have enslaved my inner being and nothing can break that, Sir. It scared me when i first felt Your power taking over me, internally. It was such a different feeling from Your power taking over me externally. External enslavement can be broken. It can be temporary. Those physical chains and locks can be undone. But, the internal enslavement that You have over me is unbreakable. It's permanent. There is no way to undo those chains, Sir. No matter what, i am absolutely under Your Power and Control for the rest of my life. And, it is the most wonderful feeling i have ever known.
Your loving and devoted slave girl,joyXOXOXO[image]http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/tsmileys2/07.gif[/image]
Now, i am someone who has been in 4 other D/s relationships, of varying degrees and varying lengths of time, including one D/s marriage. i have also been in several non-D/s relationships over the years, again of varying lengths of time and varying degrees of commitment. And, i never had anything even close to these same feelings in any of my other relationships. And, these other men were all very wonderful and good and none were abusive or uncaring jerks. They were attractive and intelligent and funny and shared many common interests with me and they were stable and secure in their careers and in their personal lives and i wanted to feel these sorts of feelings with them. But, i never did. They all left me feeling that something was missing. The something was the lack of Dominance over me to the level that i was needing. They wouldn't Dominate me to the degree that i needed and that left me feeling frustrated and unfullfilled and wanting more than they would or could give. So, for those who say that there isn't a difference between a D/s relationship and a "vanilla" relationship, with regards to the degree of emotion felt or feelings of attachment or special meaning, i say, "Maybe for you there isn't but, as for me, there most definately is." As much as i care about my Master, the fact that He is very Dominant over me is one of His main characteristics that attracted me to Him, in the first place. It's not everything but, without it, i wouldn't be with Him and i wouldn't be feeling so good. i knew that the missing piece from all of my previous relationships, D/s and non-D/s, was the lack of control over me that i needed to have, and that's what i was looking for when my Master answered my ad, seeking a Master for a 24/7 TPE M/s relationship. That's what this relationship is based on and, if He were to no longer want that sort of relationship with me or, He were to decide that He just didn't want to Dominate me to the same degree that He has so far, it would most difinately change my level of contentment and happiness. And, if any of the other men i had been involved with, before, had just taken more control of me, i would have been very happy to have stayed with any of them and serve them and would have been writing about how wonderful they made me feel. Of course, it matters that i am with someone i care about and respect and trust and share interests with and, all of that. But, without the D/s (to the degree that i need) there would not be the magic that i feel with my Master. He's a great guy and, no doubt, He and i would be terrific friends but, without His strong Domination over me, there wouldn't be anything other than friendship between Him and me. That's not to say that people in non-D/s relationships can't or don't get the same intensity of wonderful feelings that people in D/s relationships can and do get or that D/s relationships are "better" than vanilla relationships (unless, like me, you need to have D/s in order to feel this way). Of course, anyone can feel totally wonderful in any kind of relationship, when it's the right relationship for them. D/s relationships haven't cornered the market on wonderful feelings. Other people need other things, to be fulfilled in their intimate relationships. But, for me, i need to be completely and unquestionably Dominated in order to feel the sort of splendor and excitement and contentment that i have with my Master. And, a relationship with the most wonderful man on the planet just isn't going to do it for me, unless He Dominates to the degree that i need. joyOwned servant of Master David
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