RE: How would YOU respond?

RE: How would YOU respond? (Full Version)

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chellekitty -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 6:54:02 PM)
quote: Why throw it all away when I can find the one thing that I'm lacking in my perfect relationship elsewhere? if that one thing is so essential that you are willing to potentially hurt him so badly, then it is not a perfect relationship... i am not saying do not approach him with the possibility, i am just saying be prepared for the highly likely possibility of him saying "'if i can not fulfill your needs and you feel you need to go outside our relationship, our relationship is over'...and almost certainly not so nicely..." good luck chelle

xxblushesxx -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 6:55:05 PM)
Snow...I think you're in a bad situation. You guys need to talk about what you both need and try to figure out how to fulfill each other's needs. Good luck.

pettingdragons -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 6:57:59 PM)
Since communication is one of the most important things in my life.. would talk with him and work it out ...or not..adn find someone.else... Pamela

sweetstorm -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:04:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsnow I really don't think that love is being taken into account here. You can't just say "it's over" when you love someone. If I were in my boyfriend's position and he were in mine, I would tell him to find a play partner but keep me in the loop. Since I love him and want him to be happy but can no longer provide what he needs to be happy (meaning I was able to provide it at some point), I'd say go for it. I think you're being a little harsh on me. Some may say that I need to be more submissive and stop demanding things but the D/s part of our relationship no longer exists. You're acting as if I'm asking for the world. When we first started this relationship, it was agreed upon that we would have a D/s relationship including SM play. Those were my expectations going into the relationship. Then things changed...but my love for him still grew. Why throw it all away when I can find the one thing that I'm lacking in my perfect relationship elsewhere? subsnow, It kind of seems as though you are asking for validation. That you would like us to agree with you and say it's okay. What I see a lot of people saying is that (A) (for them and the people they know) it would break the relationship (B) the communication - or lack of - between yourself and your partner seems to be a concern (C) there is some concern from the folks here on the board that you are not being as involved in your partner's needs as you are concerned with your own These are all opinions from those of us who are not in your relationship but trying to offer some guidance that would be beneficial. I can say by looking at this list that no relationship ever died of over-communication but I see them die daily of lack of communication. In sitting down with your partner and really talking this out, you can also use your ability to compromise and perhaps meet more of his needs also. You say the D/s is gone out of the relationship but that you love him and want it to work. You also say that this relationship started based upon D/s including SM play and that these were your expectations going into the relationship. How have HIS expectations changed? I'm afraid all we are hearing is your side of this. Please just talk to him.

subsnow -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:06:29 PM)
I feel as if I've tried everything I can to help him get in the mood. He's exercising on his own which will help with his weight and libido. I've definatly tried to stimulate his mind and body with things that are arrousing to him. I buy clothing to wear that I know he'd like. I tell him things that he would enjoy. I read him paragraphs out of the erotic novels I read. When I see that he's a bit arroused, I'll take action. When I do, he'll enjoy it for all of five minutes and then say "that's enough for now" and push my hand away. sigh I love him to death. I want to marry him. I swear we couldn't be more perfect for each other. Except for this one thing. I will talk to him though. It's the best thing I can do. Sweetstorm, I'm not looking for validation, just opinions. The only thing I was wondering was whether or not it would hurt someone's self-esteem if they're partner asked them if they could find a playmate. I guess I got a lot more than I bargained for. That's ok though. I appreciate the advice.

BoskoDotDom -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:09:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsnow I thought about asking him if he would mind me seeing another male during the week for play. There would be no sex, just SM play. I am afraid that it will be a huge blow to his self-esteem. How would you react if you were approached with this question? I am actually in a relationship that did exactly that slowed to a crawl then BDSM basically pulled from the relationship. luckily we had already been honest about being open with others so I am lucky enough to enjoy the best of both worlds. Our rules for this are: 1. both have the right to meet and if we decide to veto any play partner (potential play friends are told abut this when things get to a safe meet situation.) 2. honesty! my partner knows when and whom I am meeting someone I think could be suitable.(often good for a emergency call away if things are going horrible) 3. Honesty! all play partners know my partner is first and play is second, and there will not be any stealing me away from my partner so dont bother.. 4. be honest about what you want and need (there is a difference) both with yourself and your partner, allow for compromise, if there is no room for that .... your in the wrong lifestyle. note compromise does not mean giving all and getting nothing, all need to flex in that. thats my say, good luck to you

RedMagic1 -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:09:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsnow I've talked to him about what I need and how much I need it but I've never outright told him that I'm not getting enough. I've told him that I enjoy and long for the pain in hopes that it would solve this problem. I thought about asking if he'd consider using the little blue pill to increase his libido but, again, how will this effect his confidence? What if he doesn't want the control though? Maybe he discovered with me that this isn't what he really wants. Maybe he's more of a top and prefers to dominate only in the bedroom. This is something that I still need to talk to him about but haven't thought of until now. These questions are fundamental, and you are just now thinking of them -- and you have "never outright told him" the very thing you are telling us is the "real" problem. Despite this, quote: We actually have great communication and I HAVE brought it up to him before. Well, Ms. Snow, not all of the above statements can be true at the same time. I am starting to feel a bit sorry for your boyfriend/Dom. You are avoiding being honest and having a deep conversation, using "not hurting his feelings" as an excuse. Your communication skills seem poor where I am sitting, and I don't think chellekitty was too harsh. It also sounds as though you stop dealing once he apologises, which has just made things worse. Try this. "I love you. I know what I am about to say will hurt, and I am sorry. But I want that to be the last apology in the conversation. I am not getting what I need. Please don't apologize, and I won't do it more either. Let's please just talk as long as we have to in order to work out a solution."

littlebitxxx -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:11:47 PM)
Nothing really to add but hugs and good luck to ya. Communication is the key, I think. Obviously this is bothering the hell out of you and, whether it hurts or not, needs to be talked about. All you can do it put it out there and ask him what he thinks could/should be done.

sweetstorm -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:12:07 PM)
You're 20, cupcake. Don't put the cart ahead of the ponyplay.

Kalista07 -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:12:58 PM)
OP, i'm confused...Have You read Your profile lately?? Because it says: Hello everyone!!! I'm Baby Ella. RR37PP29 is my very loving Daddy. I couldn't be happier with him. I met him here on Collarme. We live together now. We started out in a D/s relationship but that dynamic has slowly dwindled away. It has since been replaced by a Daddy/babygirl relationship. Daddy and I are looking for a Daddy/babygirl couple or a single babygirl to play with. There would be no sex. Just good old fashioned age play. We'd be willing to travel depending on distance and compatibility. I look forward to hearing from you. Take care, J's babygirl [image]http://www.collarme.com/htmlarea/smileys/0119.gif[/image]~ella~[image]http://www.collarme.com/htmlarea/smileys/0119.gif[/image] Which makes me think either You are fooling him, Yourself, or us..... confused.

sweetstorm -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:15:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalista07 OP, i'm confused...Have You read Your profile lately?? Because it says: Hello everyone!!! I'm Baby Ella. RR37PP29 is my very loving Daddy. I couldn't be happier with him. I met him here on Collarme. We live together now. We started out in a D/s relationship but that dynamic has slowly dwindled away. It has since been replaced by a Daddy/babygirl relationship. Daddy and I are looking for a Daddy/babygirl couple or a single babygirl to play with. There would be no sex. Just good old fashioned age play. We'd be willing to travel depending on distance and compatibility. I look forward to hearing from you. Take care, J's babygirl [image]http://www.collarme.com/htmlarea/smileys/0119.gif[/image]~ella~[image]http://www.collarme.com/htmlarea/smileys/0119.gif[/image] Which makes me think either You are fooling him, Yourself, or us..... confused. LOL, I noticed that too [:D]

Kalista07 -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:16:39 PM)
Thank goodness sweetstorm, cause for a few minutes i thought i must be losing my mind...

subsnow -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:20:28 PM)
RedMagic1, I'm disappointed to hear that my communication skills are being percieved as poor. Good communication, honesty, and trust are the three things that I strive for perfection in when it comes to my relationship. I truly believe that my boyfriend and I have great communication. I've already sent him a message concerning this problem.

sweetstorm -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:22:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsnow I've already sent him a message concerning this problem. Oh for fuck's sake....... 1) If you texted him, I just won a bet. 2) THAT IS NOT THE SOLUTION. YOU NEED TO SIT FACE TO FACE AND *TALK*.

subsnow -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:25:23 PM)
Ack!!! I don't know. I'm going to talk to him. We have a Daddy/babygirl relationship but he caters to my every need and desire. I've tried several times to hand the power back to him but he won't take it. He likes pampering me too much. I definatly don't mind that but I miss the SM which is seperate from the whole adult baby thing. I'm VERY happy with the relationship that we have except for the fact that the SM has disappeared. Bring back some rough handling and I'd be the happiest girl alive.

IrishMist -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:25:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetstorm quote: ORIGINAL: subsnow I've already sent him a message concerning this problem. Oh for fuck's sake....... 1) If you texted him, I just won a bet. 2) THAT IS NOT THE SOLUTION. YOU NEED TO SIT FACE TO FACE AND *TALK*. /gasp She used the F word [&:]

subsnow -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:26:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetstorm quote: ORIGINAL: subsnow I've already sent him a message concerning this problem. Oh for fuck's sake....... 1) If you texted him, I just won a bet. 2) THAT IS NOT THE SOLUTION. YOU NEED TO SIT FACE TO FACE AND *TALK*. Grrr...I'm about to use the F word too. I didn't text him. I sent him an email. I can't talk to him until Saturday. It's better to get it to him while everything is fresh in my mind right now. Sometimes it's better to write an email anyway. Stop assuming that we don't talk, that we don't communicate. We have great communication. I started this thread to see how other people would react to my question. That's it! I wanted to know so that I could better word my conversation with him and spare hurt feelings.

xxblushesxx -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:34:15 PM)
"I can't talk to him until Saturday" "We have great communication" uhmm...... huh?

sweetstorm -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:34:24 PM)
I still get half the money because I knew it would be email or text as opposed to phone or face to face. Fear of confrontation. My best friend has it too.

Kalista07 -> RE: How would YOU respond? (1/28/2008 7:35:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsnow Grrr...I'm about to use the F word too. I didn't text him. I sent him an email. I can't talk to him until Saturday. It's better to get it to him while everything is fresh in my mind right now. Sometimes it's better to write an email anyway. Stop assuming that we don't talk, that we don't communicate. We have great communication. I started this thread to see how other people would react to my question. That's it! I wanted to know so that I could better word my conversation with him and spare hurt feelings. i am really not trying to be a bitch here...But You've gotten exactly what you were looking for it sounds to me.... It sounds to me like you were looking to see how other people would react...Only when they explained their reactions to you, you got defensive and huffy...could just be me though

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