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Long distance... - 1/28/2008 10:20:29 PM

ForcefuIHands

Posts: 47
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline

After coming into contact with a submissive from a few years ago, we have found perhaps it might be time for a reunion. As we are both older and wiser, although apart, this could lead to something very permanent and binding. In the meantime though, with a state between us, I was curious if any submissives have ever had to be apart from their Dominants. What kind of things did you do to lessen the seeming distance? Were there any fun rewards, or punishments? What do you consider to be crucial to communication?

Give me your best ideas, although I already have a few of my own.

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RE: Long distance... - 1/28/2008 11:02:05 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings forcefulhands,

my previous dominant/fiancee and i lived 1100 miles apart and were together for about a year, maybe a little more. for us, it was and still is important to talk often - aside from my master, he is probably the person i am closest to and we still talk every day (although we are definitely like siblings now). to me, having that support and stability there and knowing that i always had that regular mode of connection with him even when we were in a long distance relationship made it much better to deal with. we also did little things together online or over the phone that we couldn't do because we weren't together - play cribbage or monopoly, write together, watch movies, read to each other, etc. for us the d/s part was the easy part, because that was who we were - maintaining the security of the relationship as a whole without feeling disconnected was the difficult part. i do worry about that with the possibility of my master going back overseas as well - it's hard for me to imagine ever being in an ldr again after having been close-distance for the last two years with him. i don't know if i would ever knowingly enter into an ldr relationship like i did with my previous dominant, just because there are so many things about being close-distance that are important to me now, so i do think it's really important to look at how being in an ldr will affect you and her individually.

anyway, i hope that helps. good luck!

respectfully,
annabelle.

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a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to ForcefuIHands)

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RE: Long distance... - 1/28/2008 11:38:21 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForcefuIHands

In the meantime though, with a state between us, I was curious if any submissives have ever had to be apart from their Dominants.

Yup. Not fun but we managed it.

quote:

What kind of things did you do to lessen the seeming distance?

We played the same MMO so that we got to have couple time even though we lived in different states. We chatted every single day and visited each other as close to every other week as possible, switching up who drove to see who.

quote:

Were there any fun rewards, or punishments?

Not really. Seeing him was my reward and I just in charge of living my life well while we were apart. There wasn't a strong reward/punishment dynamic in place.

quote:

What do you consider to be crucial to communication?

Treating it as a relationship above all else.

Look for ideas from "vanilla" sources. Keep a blog together that only you two know about, write love letters the old fashioned way, send pictures... basically: Let the other person know you were thinking of them. I used to send Valyraen snail mail letters all the time. While I was writing to him, it felt like he was there and could hear me. They never anything very profound and he rarely wrote back to me since we talked on the phone every day, but while I was writing those I felt a very deep connection to him. I drew him little cartoons in the borders and sometimes put lipstick kisses on the paper.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ForcefuIHands)

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RE: Long distance... - 1/29/2008 2:12:20 PM

Vampyrefledgling

Posts: 91
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline

My Master lives quite far away, there is an entire ocean between us. It isn't easy. I miss him constantly. Training is difficult from so far away. Plus just being away from him kills me. I hate it. But this is the computer age, we e-mail and chat online, we talk on the phone, etc. He's just a plane ride away (a seven hour plane ride, but still). It's hard. But for now this is the situation and I'm bound to him. If I deserve it, he still punishes me; I still serve him, it's just more complicated than your average relationship.

~Fledgling

(in reply to AquaticSub)

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RE: Long distance... - 1/29/2008 2:43:53 PM

sagirah

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline

As a sweeping generalisation I'd suggest that LDRs are more likely to work if it's a D/s relationship rather than an SM one. You can still have power exchanges through computers, text messages, photos... But from this masochist's point of view, spanking yourself (!) or applying nipple clamps on yourself gets old pretty quickly.

In my experience, a system of rules and punishments works well to convey that "owned" feeling... Not being allowed to touch myself; not being allowed to wear underwear; having to wear my "discreet" collar to work - those are all rules Master and I have played with. I especially like the public displays of ownership, as they really reinforce the feeling of submission and take an edge off loneliness. We found that storing up punishments for when we're together doesn't really work - you don't want to spend 3/4 of the precious weekend when you are together laboriously working through a list of canings or cage-time. So thinking instant punishments really helps.

For us, writing is a great way to stay connected. I have a notebook I use to write about my reactions to certain tasks or rules. It works two ways: firstly, it means that Master is on my mind no matter what the distance, as I'm writing my thoughts. Then, it's intensely personal (and sometimes a bit reminiscent of humiliating schooldays) to give the notebook to Master to read.... Writing stories or detailing fantasies also helps bring us closer and prepare for being together. I think quite a few couples do this online, but I like the old-fashioned pen-and-paper approach.

I find that one of the biggest challenges over distance is to keep things spontaneous. I love getting unexpected text messages from Master ordering me, for example, to stop whatever I'm doing and go masturbate... And then, we also try to vary the your place-my place-your place-my place routine (reminds me of in-out-in-out vanilla sex!) with trips to somewhere else, such as a play party halfway between us or similar.

Erm, I'm rambling. Time for bed. Good luck, hope it works out.

(in reply to Vampyrefledgling)

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