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Dari -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 4:25:28 PM)
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To the OP:
A couple thoughts on what you say there. Some people like fighting, others don't. You don't really talk about the context in which you fight, though your "crying and fighting" makes me think this is during a scene (or more physical domination).
If your fighting and crying and general rambunctiousness is limited to scening, then you need to talk to him. It may be that he's uncomfortable with it, because he loves you and that's "not the sort of thing men do to their wives." It's up to you to explain to him - and to convince him until he really believes it - that you will love him in the morning, that you don't think of it as something that makes him a bad person, or an abuser. Does he have problems or issues from his past women, or from childhood? You may need to go slower and be more understanding and patient as he learns and slowly explores and expands his comfort zone. Are you doing any kind of aftercare? After a rough scene, some Doms require aftercare from their subs as much or more than their subs require it from their Doms. They want to know that you still love them, that you had fun with the scene even though you were crying and whimpering and begging for mercy.
Or he may never enjoy that, and you'll have to decide if you can accept that or not, and act accordingly.
But if your fighting and crying isn't just limited to scening or the bedroom, and he doesn't like it - then you need to maybe reconsider why you're submitting to him. Maybe he's looking for time to relax with you kneeling against his leg, with him stroking your hair. Maybe he's looking for a gentler way to express his dominance.
And then you say he doesn't know what he wants. Does he not know, or do you just not know? And if he doesn't know - is it that he doesn't know what he wants, or that he doesn't know how to tell you what he wants, or that he doesn't know what he wants you to be or how he wants you to act?
These are all questions you don't need to answer to me, but the two of you should sit down and discuss things, really. You've really told us not much at all, and he's the only one that can answer a lot of it anyway.
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