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Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 7:39:39 AM

BlackPhx

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Some people I suspect find sub-space relatively quickly. For me poenkitten, it takes time and a long build-up. Start slow and build slowly one instrument at a time and I will reach that wondrous place where I have difficulty remembering I have a name. Example: Bonds, Thuds, Sharps, Smacks, Heat. Too fast and I can't find the rythym and begin to fight what is being done. Musical example O Fortuna, starts slow builds slowly to a crescendo. Done right I can dance for hours, done in a rush and only one of us is going to be satisfied. Him. Cool, he is the most important person in my life and His satisfaction comes long before mine does in the scheme of things. Here's the trick, done right, in the ways that sends me over the edge and I need nothing else. Sex and Pain have never been a mixed media for me. Sex has always been pleasant but not an end all be all. Most of the Dominants I have been with in my life have pretty much been the same way. The dance has been enough. With Master however it is an integral part of BDSM. He reaches a point where the dance stops, an interlude of sex interupts the flow and sometimes it stops right there. He's content, I'm still looking for the ground that just fell out from under me.

So here is the question. Am I unusual? Is sex an integral part of the Dance or is the Dance itself enough?

poenkitten

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 7:45:43 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

So here is the question. Am I unusual? Is sex an integral part of the Dance or is the Dance itself enough?

poenkitten

Depends. Sex is a pretty integral part of our dance. I think I can count the number of times we've scened and not had sex on one hand. For us, there isn't a pause and an interuptation of the flow though. It's just part of our energy and I love it. The things he says and does during sex continue the energy and just take me higher and higher.

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 7:45:55 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx
Is sex an integral part of the Dance

Sometimes.

quote:

or is the Dance itself enough?

Sometimes.

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 7:51:39 AM

BlackPhx

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Hmmm. You say without interuption. Are you already reaching space before sex is added? Perhaps that is the problem for me, I just begin to relax into the dance, (at times it is very rushed, implement change every 5 minutes or so it seems) and the dance is over, sex completed, done. Anyone know a way to get my libido to speed up and switch tracks that quickly?

poenkitten

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 8:32:04 AM

MsVampirella

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Before I can answer that question, I need to explain a bit about Myself first....

I have been active in the lifestyle for 21 yrs now this past Fall Season. I entered into this lifestyle as a submissive but My Mentor and I realized very quickly that I was Dominant and that is how My training began. I have always been Dominant in the lifestyle, yet My previous relationships were with Switches... both male and female in the way distant past... I came to realize that what I sought were females so I chose to walk that road.

Although I am very Sadistic, I also have a masochistic side. Now, during My journey in this lifestyle, I have had several Mentors who taught Me different styles and traditions of the SM and BDSM world. During a Training Session about a year ago...My Mentor had been using a flogger on Me (Her satisfying the masochistic side while teaching Me things).... It started out very slow with other sensory Training along with the intense energy exchange between Us...and before I realized it, She had taken Me to sub-space. It completely took Me by surprise and was something I dealt with for a few months until I welcomed and honored the experience to know what such a realm of existence feels like. Knowing that it is best that the Dominant experiences equipment and the experience...so that We know what the submissive experiences. (yes I have heard SOOOOOO many Domiants in this lifestyle who say they have never been submissive - are a natural "Dom/Domme"... yet how can One be natural without having any real training to know the very fine line between what this lifestyle is truly about from abuse?). BTW, there had never been any sexuality in My Training with My previous Mentors... (except one lil incident after We were intoxicated after a celebration which did not have anything to do with the lifestyle)...

To answer your question... For Me this lifestyle has never been about sex... it has always been about The Dance... that flow is enough for Me but there have been times when The Dance does flow into making love or sex (and there is a difference)... tis a nice part of The Dance....

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 9:03:23 AM

meticulousgirl

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i'm honestly the same way, i think it depends on the situation being slave to Him i dont feel like i really have that much that i can say about it because no matter what, He'll do what He wants.

Sir is always happy and content with whatever long before i could ever be, and then the release for Him comes and i'm also still left basicly saying "that's it" so to speak. There's a sense of disapointment that settles in after awhile, and it always leaves you wanting more but, also leaves you with a million questions starting with why that your not sure if you can ever bring yourself to ask.

Communication is key, so the best advice that I can personally give you is to talk to Him and ask Him to allow you to go deeper a little more often.

~meticulous~

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 9:20:01 AM

Prinsexx

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it's all sexual to me
it's a mind fuck but it is
He is, she is, they are, W/we are.......
quick slow quick quick slow, rock and roll baby.......
the ups the downs, the soft caresses, the electro buzz, the ache, the hurt, the smack, the pinning down and the total freedom....
before, after, during........
and best of all looking forward and never back
and especially Him
even in the insecurity He might release me at any moment
just yeh oh yeh so many ways of getting an orgasm
no shame no guilt.............

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 9:39:46 AM

LadyPact

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Is the dance enough for Me? Good question. It's been a while now, but some time ago, I wrote in My blog about this on another site. I entitled that particular post "The Dance". It happened to be about a Top/bottom experience that I had that I consider one of the most beautiful that I've had the pleasure to encounter to date. Those who watched this little scene all came back with the echo that the girl and I danced to the same music. With every move and counter move, we swayed together to a tune that no one else could hear. Part of this had to be retold to Me, since both the bottom and I were very far gone in space.

Moments like that, the beauty of the dance, are certainly enough for Me.

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 10:00:08 AM

littlebitxxx

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Can be both for me.
I was "taught" pain through the addition of sexual touching. It brought me forward to where I found pain pleasurable. Then I went past it into just liking the pain. So.....I like scenes with sex interwoven, scenes without, scenes with sex afterward, scenes without. I have found though, that the addition of some form of SM to sex intensifies the sex....and the addition of sex of whatever sort to a scene intensifies the scene.

Sometimes, the dance in itself is enough. Sometimes I want the dinner and band and dance and limo and the whole nine yards.

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 10:11:38 AM

BlackPhx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

i'm honestly the same way, i think it depends on the situation being slave to Him i dont feel like i really have that much that i can say about it because no matter what, He'll do what He wants. Communication is key, so the best advice that I can personally give you is to talk to Him and ask Him to allow you to go deeper a little more often.

~meticulous~

Sigh, we communicate, gangbusters for the most part, about every thing but this. Seems sometimes like it is a whole different language between us when it comes to the dance, and neither are speaking the same one. I know there have been times he has worn his arm out on me and others where it has felt like whappity, whap, ok that's enough. There are still others where I end up fighting myself because the instruments have changed to fast for me to flow anywhere, much less space. Those are the most frustrating for both of us.

A very long time ago I wrote a short, called : Dance with the Devil, it is currently in our journal if you are interested. It inadequately conveys how the dance is for me. I say inadequately becasue there are no words to truly describe the feelings. I would love to go there with him. I have been there before, but in 4 almost 5 years we haven't gotten there together.

Worse sometimes it feels like there is a bit of aversion therapy going for us. Like I am so used to not getting thee, my body refuses to try and he is so frustrated at not getting me there he might as well take what he needs and not bother to try. I am kinda hoping that one day we can get to a club where all we can do is Dance. Get beyond the immediate satisfaction of sex and concentrate solely on the sensations and feeding.

Ooops maybe I should explain feeding. When the dance is right, when both are on the same steps, there is a feedback that forms, the sub/slave need feeds the Dom/Sadististic needs and vice versa, and a circuit is formed taking both even higher.

Yes, we do talk and he will read this series of posts tonight when he gets home. Maybe it will help.

poenkitten

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 10:18:04 AM

DesFIP

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Sex is integral to bdsm with us. We're bondage freaks, minor sensation play. Bondage makes me incredibly aroused. I space when allowed to rest afterwards, still bound, blindfolded, and gagged, if I'm warm enough. Sometimes during, but honestly he doesn't enjoy me zoning out. He wants me there with him, actively responding.

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RE: Is the Dance enough for you? - 1/29/2008 10:53:34 AM

darchChylde

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I'd much rather be dancing. Intercourse? I can take it or leave it, subspace doesn't really enter the equation.

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