Asking your opinion (Full Version)

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softysub -> Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 5:30:58 AM)

Hi everyone:

I've been chatting with this Dom for 2 weeks now and last night He asked me something that really stunt me. He asked me to play with myself and when i am close, to call him, but He wouldnt talk and once i cum over the phone, He would hangup.

I was thinking like WTF, that was a first time for me. But He said that this is how he wanted his first contact . Then that was too much and i said, first contact? for who? since i wont hear Your voice at all and you would hang up on me.

He then said and here comes the *red flag* if you dont do it that way, there wont be nothing after................well, i was extremely upset and far from being excited.

I told him that i didnt work that way, told him my like and dislikes, well i reminded him cause the first time we had spoke, i told him about them.

The other thing, why cant some Doms cant accept the fact that i dont want virtual relationship? I tell them, once you have experienced real life, you dont want to go back to virtual.

Anyway, to think of last night it does make me laugh, some nerve!!!

So my questions, did any of you (subs) had an experience like that or a request?


Be well [:D]

softysub



Nuke718 -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 6:25:01 AM)

Some people in the lifetyle pull these my-way-or-the-hiway scenes, but so do 'nilla folks. Just ask my buddy why he is living in his folks basement at 26 LoL.

I tend to view ultimatums as red flags, especially early on. Both times a Domme has given me on I walked, and both times the ultimatum was to pave over a lie.

For example, pre internet and I answered an add on a local singles line. That Friday evening I got a call from her, and she said if I wanted to meet her come to the bar she was at. I siad I didn't like the idea of drinking a lotif we were going to play, and she replied she was hanging out at her local bar alone NOT getting drunShe also said this would be my only chance to prove I was obedient. I sucked it up and went, a half hour drive to the bar and she was lit up. A 3/4 empty pitcher and some empty shot glasses on her table. I sat down and said we couldn't play tonight bit since I was there we could at least talk. About 20 minutes later this guy comes in and kisses her. She introduces him as her husband, and says HE hasn't been drinking and if I wanted to get with THEM tonight I needed to prove it by blowing him. That's exactly the kind of ultimatum that mad this mostly monogomous and striaght fella walk out when she was in the head and he was at the bar.

So, you did right. Walk away if you get some wierd ultimatum that ignores all your discussion and negotiation. There are plenty of Doms out there.

Nuke }:-



JohnWarren -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 6:26:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: softysub
He then said and here comes the *red flag* if you dont do it that way, there wont be nothing after................well, i was extremely upset and far from being excited.


It sounds as if he's been reading too many porn books. There is a purpose for negotiation that he seems to have missed.

quote:


The other thing, why cant some Doms cant accept the fact that i dont want virtual relationship? I tell them, once you have experienced real life, you dont want to go back to virtual.


You don't have to give back face to face; you just aren't going there with him. [laugh] Just hit the "next" key. Remember you have to dig through a lot of blue clay to find a diamond.




sultryvoice -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 6:52:57 AM)

Boy oh boy, do I get these idiots..I don't believe there are any subs, male and female, that haven't had some of these ultimatums! I say goodbye and good luck! I agree with John, they have been reading too much porn and can't escape from a fantasy world! Real life just doesn't play out like that..



littleone35 -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 9:29:29 AM)

Yu are aboustly right to walk away. There are a lot of Doms on the site or should i say guys who say they are Doms. Ther are some good and real ones out there. So you were right not to waste your time with one who sounds like a wanna be.

littleone



exploringlimits -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 9:54:16 AM)

That Dom is just playing a game with you for his pleasure. So many online live in this fantasy world, which is fine by me but I don't want to play that way. I just wish more said online only or phone when they mean that. I don't want either but waste time weeding through them.



TexasMaam -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 10:29:00 AM)

I have read these responses with great interest. John Warren, I must say it's refreshing to find some 'real' BDSM pairs on this site. softysub, it seems that lately I've been beset with male sub imposters here, so don't feel as though you are the only O/one who finds weirdo's among the chaff. It does get frustrating, discouraging and downright aggravating to invest time and energy cultivating an online introduction into some kind of real life contact, only to find a *red flag* right out of the gate. Those kinds of *red flags* jump out at you for a reason: either this "Dom" was recording you for some nefarious reason that served his own gain or purposes, or a previous answer hit the nail on the head when they said "He" was using you for his own satisfaction. Steer clear of "Him", take John Warren's advice. Pretend you are at Baskin Robbins: go pull that numbered ticket off the dispenser and yell "NEXT!", and yell it loud and clear! TexasMaam



KnightofMists -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 10:54:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: softysub

Hi everyone:

I've been chatting with this Dom for 2 weeks now and last night He asked me something that really stunt me. He asked me to play with myself and when i am close, to call him, but He wouldnt talk and once i cum over the phone, He would hangup.

I was thinking like WTF, that was a first time for me. But He said that this is how he wanted his first contact . Then that was too much and i said, first contact? for who? since i wont hear Your voice at all and you would hang up on me.

He then said and here comes the *red flag* if you dont do it that way, there wont be nothing after................well, i was extremely upset and far from being excited.

I told him that i didnt work that way, told him my like and dislikes, well i reminded him cause the first time we had spoke, i told him about them.

The other thing, why cant some Doms cant accept the fact that i dont want virtual relationship? I tell them, once you have experienced real life, you dont want to go back to virtual.

Anyway, to think of last night it does make me laugh, some nerve!!!

So my questions, did any of you (subs) had an experience like that or a request?


Be well [:D]

softysub



mmmmmmmmmm given the length of time that you been chatting... I think the the red flag was he ask that question in the First place!! The rest was just validation! to that flag.




brightspot -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 2:47:46 PM)

quote:

I have read these responses with great interest. John Warren, I must say it's refreshing to find some 'real' BDSM pairs on this site.


Could you please give me your definition of "real BDSM pairs"?

*Brightspot



Tempestspet -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 3:17:04 PM)

Or..... he is sitting at home with his family, and if you ring in only to come....he can listen, wifey none the wiser, hang up and say it's the wrong number or a telemarketer. But hey...I was never told I was the MOST trusting person....laughs
But in any case, you are absolutely right to say no. Good for you!!! Now, there are some people who like that excitement, that's ok too. If you find that kinda stuff exciting. But hte fact that he seemed ONLY worried about his first contact is what would make me wonder.
His saying that it's his way or the highway.... tell him ok...bye, I gotta go jump in my car.... and leave him alone after that.
I'm sorry that you had a crappy experience, but hey, look at it this way....he gave you a great example of what you definately don't want....smiles


Tempest's pet
jennifer



softysub -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 3:27:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Tempestspet

Or..... he is sitting at home with his family, and if you ring in only to come....he can listen, wifey none the wiser, hang up and say it's the wrong number or a telemarketer. But hey...I was never told I was the MOST trusting person....laughs
But in any case, you are absolutely right to say no. Good for you!!! Now, there are some people who like that excitement, that's ok too. If you find that kinda stuff exciting. But hte fact that he seemed ONLY worried about his first contact is what would make me wonder.
His saying that it's his way or the highway.... tell him ok...bye, I gotta go jump in my car.... and leave him alone after that.
I'm sorry that you had a crappy experience, but hey, look at it this way....he gave you a great example of what you definately don't want....smiles


Tempest's pet
jennifer


Hi:

When that happened, of course i did not call him, after calming down, i was laughing.....i might be slow at time, but not that dumb.........and today i was laughing just to think of that conversation.

I guess i am not the only sub that gets alot of wannabees...i will have to take a good look as to what it says on my forehead *wannabees magnet* LOLOL. On a more serious note, its a shame though that so many people think that this lifestyle is just a game or a free trip to powerland.

Be well[:)]

softysub





lbsnuggle -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 3:28:14 PM)

hello i am sub new to the lifestyle. i met my DOM online HE is a wonderful person. but i did have to go through some not so wonderful ones to get to the one that found me. i feel as though HE rescued me from a lie i was living all my life. He helped me embrace what was deep down inside me. so believe me wether it be online or in life there are always the true ones and the fake.



Tempestspet -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 3:29:27 PM)

Oh no... I got a good giggle reaading about it...not what happened to you...that the guy was just that ..... desperate....smiles

Take care!!!..smiles

Tempest's pet
jennifer



ehlovindom -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 7:47:05 PM)

Good on you for seeing the reg flag!



brightspot -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/3/2005 10:35:26 PM)

quote:

I've been chatting with this Dom for 2 weeks now and last night He asked me something that really stunt me. He asked me to play with myself and when i am close, to call him, but He wouldnt talk and once i cum over the phone, He would hangup.


Hello softy sub,
No never had that asked of me, at least not the then "I will hang up" part.

That would probably be the last time you heard from him.
He probably has many women set up to try and pull this on.
I'm glad you didn't fall for it and also that you posted too, giving others a clue.

*Brightspot



SionedMorgan -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/4/2005 1:11:20 AM)

See to me... that kind of request should come from a Dom/ina that you have been with for a while as something to kinda "spice things up" a bit.. hehe. I could just imagine receiving a request like that from someone I didn't even know yet. I think I would have laughed out loud at that moment instead of waiting. lol



fastlane -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/4/2005 11:06:11 AM)

Most of the fake ones pull that shiat. Fuck yourself in front of your webcam...jack off and let me watch. The real ones do not like cyber and virtual either. They interract and meet with you, or get to know you through chat, prior to the meeting. You're scenario had me laughing.....Kinda like the Dom who said "I want to fuck you in the eare so you can here me cumming."



mossy -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/4/2005 5:17:45 PM)

softysub....it hurt me to hear you call yourself a wannabe magnet.....cause you're not.
perhaps they see you're name and mistakenly think it says something other then you meant it to be? [;)] Thats on them...and as long as you keep doing what you just did in that wonderful experience you relayed to us? It will stay on them and not become your problem. kudos...

oh and btw: every day of this seeking stuff for me, i seem to get wiser and wiser, my red flags are standing at attention faster and faster. Now sometimes (i am so proud of myself)
it takes the first letter and in one sentence....something feels off....the "dom" turns something back around on me perhaps? i'm done...i politely say no thanks. BIG change from having to spend months...with someone instead[:)]



softysub -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/4/2005 8:20:27 PM)

thanks mossy :)

I think i should start writing a book, it would be quite funny how some *wannabees* are looking so pathetic [;)] With that book, it wouldnt be to have pity, but to warn others (newbies) and in the same time, it would make me much stronger and have more self-esteem. For me writing has been a good therapy.

Well its just a thought [:)]

Thanks to A/all

softysub



Dracironsgirl -> RE: Asking your opinion (9/5/2005 12:50:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: softysub

thanks mossy :)

I think i should start writing a book, it would be quite funny how some *wannabees* are looking so pathetic [;)] With that book, it wouldnt be to have pity, but to warn others (newbies) and in the same time, it would make me much stronger and have more self-esteem. For me writing has been a good therapy.

Well its just a thought [:)]

Thanks to A/all

softysub

i agree with you softysub ..and writing has always been good therapy for me. =)



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