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First time speeking to a new Mistress - 1/30/2008 5:30:12 AM

subforsweetpain

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would like to know, what is a good way of speeking to a new Mistress? So I don't sound like I am begging, Would like to know what anyone thinks.
Terri

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 1/30/2008 6:21:45 AM

MistressFaye1

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You speak to her like you would anyone else, with respect! Hold general conversations, let her see and hear the person you are. Would you "beg" anyone for anything the first time you speak to them?

It's cute, funny, interesting, and at times downright confusing to me why some submissives feel Mistresses have to be spoken to in some other way other than how you normally would, that is unless you're the uncouth disrespctful type as a norm.

Present the vanilla you, do not under any circumstance talk about what you will or won't allow her to do to you. Also, don't talk about what kink/fetishes you enjoy unless she asks. If it's the first time, simply say---"Hello, I'm (insert name here). Also, is this face to face of via message? If by message, make sure you show in your writing that you took the time to read her profile. Be real about your experiences so far and what you hope for overall in a D/s relationship, without the specifics.

I hope this helps.

Faye

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 1/30/2008 7:38:20 AM

atursvcMaam

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terri,
   please take this as constructive and not insulting...try spell checking your presentations. as this is your introduction to a potential Mistress do you truly want for Her first thought of you to be "potentiatially cute, but not too bright."
    as an employer i used to screen out all resumes with misspellings. if your first intro is misspelled then Mistress might decide that you have not taken the time or energy to make a good first impression.
    if you are sitting there scratching your head, you spelled speak as "speek" in this thread. both words, and presentation, make a difference here.
    good luck, and i hope that all goes well for you.

< Message edited by atursvcMaam -- 1/30/2008 8:33:32 AM >

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 1/30/2008 7:39:41 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subforsweetpain

would like to know, what is a good way of speeking to a new Mistress? So I don't sound like I am begging, Would like to know what anyone thinks.
Terri

You need to clarify your question more.

What do you mean by "new Mistress"?

Someone who is starting out?

Someone who you are starting a Ds relationship? (you two should have covered that in negotiation frankly)

Someone who happens to be female and identifies with the top/dom role whom you have not spoken to yet?

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 1/30/2008 8:21:51 AM

chiaThePet

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Well, first, never ever call her Mistress unless she has given you exact permission.
I know, it's a word, one many think is an exceptable and respectful form of address, but trust me, doing such can get you roasted quicker than a marshmallow at a girlscout bonfire of the vanities.

When writing to her, first as a polite letter of introduction, second, only if the
treasured Wells Fargo Award of continued communication has been granted,
use spell check. "Speeking" to a Dominant just sounds a bit too kinky and
presumptuous to me in a first contact. Take your time, there will be plenty of it.

You are not automatically a worm, worthless, or willing to do anything for her.
She will give you prompt notification when each level kicks in. Be patient.

Nigeria is not the most popular girls name on the planet. When you see such,
delete, block, cancel credit cards, close bank accounts and change your name.
If you fall for her, all these things will follow soon after anyway.

First impressions are seared into your existence as commandments into stone.
Don't wear fuzzy bedroom slippers if you wish to put your best foot forward.
Be clear and honest about yourself, but don't become an erupting volcano,
nobody likes premature ejaculation.

Consider each communication as if it were the first day of the rest of your life,
it may well be. In life, we trip, fall and skin our knees, it is no different here.
Well, here the blood may be a catalyst for adventure, but keep a clear head.

And smile, inside and out, every chance you get, as if each were your last.

Failure to comply can result in hefty fines, otherwise known as tribute, and
incarceration, otherwise known as cage time. Granted, some find these
quite the rush, but you may not.

Warm wishes.

chia* (the pet)

< Message edited by chiaThePet -- 1/30/2008 8:26:14 AM >

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 1/30/2008 8:27:32 AM

HandSolo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: atursvcMaam

smisspelled

How's that petard?

But seriously, a garbled profile or introductory email is like showing up at a first meeting unshowered and in sweatpants.

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 1/30/2008 8:34:26 AM

atursvcMaam

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Thank you. corrected.

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 1/30/2008 8:44:35 AM

Nats

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

That was great!

Subforsweetpain,

I can't speak for any of other females here, but for myself, if someone is sending me an introduction letter I like the main focus to be on who they are as a person... not what each of our respective roles and kinks are. Those can be in the letter as well, but as an aside. I want to know who the person on the other end is first, and use it as a way to guage whether we have any mutual interests, life commonalities, etc. (all of the things that would provide the foundation of a friendship).

If I want to find out about a person's kinks or BDSM needs, then I'll peek at their profile. If things click, then I'll explore those with the person at another time. In other words, be yourself, focus on what makes you unique as a human being and potential partner, as those are the qualities that I find most appealing.

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 1/30/2008 1:33:22 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subforsweetpain

would like to know, what is a good way of speeking to a new Mistress? So I don't sound like I am begging, Would like to know what anyone thinks.
Terri

How do you want to speak to her?

In a non-begging fashion?

Then hold your head up, look her in the eye, smile (if that feels genuine) and answer her questions with confidence

You could follow her lead. Speak only when spoken to and use the same sort of language she does eg if she theatrically calls you "slave", you call her "Mistress" (unless she told you to call her something else).

But only speaking when spoken to can get boring.

A good sub can start conversations about interesting topics, asking open ended questions of the Domme (about more than BDSM, collarme and the horrors of internet dating!!!).

Act really interested in what she has to say. Nod in agreement if you agree. Have your own opinions. Ask questions to try to find common interests (the arts, movies, sport, travel, family, pets, cooking???)

Let her steer the conversation to BDSM if and when she is ready. The main screw up IMO when speaking to Mistresses (new or old!) is being pushy or boring, not begging.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 1/30/2008 1:35:16 PM >

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 2/5/2008 9:54:37 PM

subforsweetpain

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I want to thank everybody for their input. terri

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RE: First time speeking to a new Mistress - 2/7/2008 4:45:26 AM

LadyJeelys

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I can't say how to speak to any Mistress, only what works with..........

I don't mind if someone wants to call Mistress or whatever-I don't particularly are for "Mistress" as a term between my slaves and I, so its not something I see as "personal". No more than I mind guys "kneeling at my feet" on a first conversation--actually I find it rather sweet that guys are brave enough to take that step.....especially not know how sadistic I actually am :)

I also don't mind poor spelling or grammar. People are nervous---they are in a hurry and truthfully a larger percentage of the population of the US is functionally illiterate. My own personal view (as a PhD education person) is that education and literacy are not indications of intelligence and worth. Some of the most intelligent people I know are functionally illiterate. Someone who is a poor speller, never graduated from high school and kind, sweet and smart trumps a self involved, self loving quadruple PhD in my book anyday.

But what I do find irritating is guy who wants to go on and on about what I can do for them. By the same token, it irks me when a guy goes on and on about what he can do "for" me, since in reality its just another way to rephrase what I can do for him.

Also, when a guy goes on and on about what he wants/gives, sometimes it can get a bit creepy. Don't offer to move around the world to be with me, don't tell me you'll give up your kids to be with me, don't tell me you'll cut off your personals to please me (especially since I rather like personals, and if there is any cutt off to be done, I'll do it myself, thank you very much).

Rather, I would prefer the guy talk to me as a person first.....then we'll see if he would work as my slave and I as his Mistress.

Finally, I generally believe that friendships are good....a guy may not end up my slave, but could be a great friend---so I don't just tells guys to go jump in a lake. At the same time, no does mean no. My being Domme doesn't mean I have to take care of every sub that contacts me (I know that sounds arrogant, but wow, some of the first conversations I've had were just, well, wacky.)

Of course, none of this applies to all Dommes or even any other Domme. Some Dommes may well love

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