Am I really a sub?

Am I really a sub? (Full Version)

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Looking4answrs -> Am I really a sub? (9/3/2005 4:53:16 PM)
Hi I have a quandary and would love some input......I have talked with more than a few Dommes who insist that being a "true" submissive means doing anything for your Mistress (or Master...whatever your case). I have no problems in experiencing new and exciting things. However, I draw the line at forced-bi and cuckolding activities. These are my only two limits and I have been lambasted for having any limits whatsoever as a sub. I have been told I am not really a sub and am just looking to fulfill a fantasy or two since I am unwillingly to give myself completely. Ultimately, I am looking for a long-term relationship and I just don't think these activities jive with that. Am I wrong in my belief that you can be a sub and still have limits? Is it possible to have a loving, healthy relationship while still engaging in these types of activities? The frequency with which I get this type of response is causing me to rethink things. I have all ready considered the possibility that I might have to relent on the cuckolding subject....but how can you have trust and love in a relationship where cuckolding is involved? Any thoughts, comments, or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

LeatherRose -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/3/2005 6:23:40 PM)
This is just me, but if I were in your shoes I'd be asking these gals what makes them a "true" Domme? I absolutely abhor people who use the term "true". Your shade of red could be a different shade of red from mine, same with your take on BDSM. When they start coming out with an actual degree for being a Dominant, THEN maybe I would listen to someone saying they are an authority on it. In regards to cuckolding and forced bi, every relationship (even in BDSM) is different. Yes there are subs out there that are into, but I bet there are just as many that are not. You are a human, you have every right to have limits. If there is something that you feel goes fundamentally against your way of thought/feeling, then stick to your limits. You are no lesser a sub for it. Keep looking, not all women out there think they rule the world and control everyone in it. LeatherRose

TexasMaam -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/3/2005 6:32:08 PM)
I thing you've answered your own question, looking. Search for a Domme who insists on not sharing you. We're out here. Texas Maam

iamdownonmyknees -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/3/2005 6:32:27 PM)
Anything? Give her all your money and bankrupt yourself? Allow yourself to be subjected to emotional or physical trauma that you can’t handle. A good dominant of either gender will get to know a potential submissive and see if his capacities match her needs. And know that fantasies aside surrendering yourself can take effort and training. Plenty of dominant women are as nurturing and empathetic as they are demanding and controlling. I’m sure it is a tough balance for them at times. Why shouldn’t you fulfill some fantasies unless you just have a shopping list of demands. Like any other erotic-romantic relationship D/s takes compatibility. I know it can take enormous patience but don’t let yourself get trapped in something that may wound you too deeply. Best of luck, Richard

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/3/2005 6:34:41 PM)
I agree with LeatherRose. Stay true to yourself and what you are willing to offer a Domme. It is very possible to have a loving Domme/sub relationship, and it's worth the time and effort to find the person who shares your interests and outlook on life/relationships. Be well, Julie

TexasMaam -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/3/2005 6:35:01 PM)
"think", er, umm. not 'thing'. My typing sub is off tonight!

MsWhip -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/4/2005 2:02:13 AM)
Your eagerness to please the Dominants you encounter seems to give you some confusion. As the other ladies have pointed out, everyone has their own definitions of D/s. Stick to your own, don't go changin' to try to please them. If you're finding these people online, you never know what the reality of their experience is, or even if they have any RT experience. The reality of D/s is very different than the cyber version. In my 18 years of reality, boundaries are respected. IMO you cannot take something that is not offered, if you do, then it's abuse. Like yourself I've had online interests offer me very unrealistic levels of exchange - and sometimes I think, why not, cyber is not reality. quote: ORIGINAL: Looking4answrs Am I wrong in my belief that you can be a sub and still have limits? Is it possible to have a loving, healthy relationship while still engaging in these types of activities? The frequency with which I get this type of response is causing me to rethink things. I have all ready considered the possibility that I might have to relent on the cuckolding subject....but how can you have trust and love in a relationship where cuckolding is involved? Any thoughts, comments, or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks. Don't judge other people's kinks, define your own and be true to them. If you were my play parnter, and you relent on something, I would trust that you are doing it because you want to, not at my insistence.

diaperedbaby -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/4/2005 6:42:36 AM)
I think I know where he is coming from. I am into the AB scene and that is needed for me to be submissive. Of course I don't expect others to share that same interest. I have been told by a handful, that I am topping from the bottom and am not a sub. I am not sure where I would put myself then? Sometimes confusing. I have many interests within the "scene" and this is just one aspect of it. To me, this is just a personal component that I need in order to be in that submissive state of mind. I am not sure if that made sense or not? diaperedbaby

Nuke718 -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/4/2005 1:32:04 PM)
Hey Looking4answers, I have been there. I aproached A domme online, and her only question to my (in my opinion) well thought out intorductory message was that she liked to make her subs suck of her male friends, and was I ready to do that for her. My profile clearly said straight, and that interest was not marked on the checklist supplied by the website, so she came up with the idea on her own. Now it's not a hard limit for me, but it's not a fantasy. I explained that it was something I would consider very highlevel avtivity after a trusting exchange could be established, but not something I was ready to do right then. Her next reply was even shorter "you're not real then". I have had other encounters with women who are into this. It always comes up early and is a deal-breaker for them, so I say no and go on with my life. I have also met several women who were not hung up on this, so keep looking they ARE out there. Actually most I have met in the local scene are not into it, so there may be more people with that fantasy represented online. Nuke }:-

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/4/2005 6:09:34 PM)
We all have our own deal breakers. EVERYONE has limits, no matter what their orientation. To say that someone is not real just because they have a limit is an absolute crock.

Looking4answrs -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/4/2005 7:05:50 PM)
Hey everyone! I want to thank you all for the thoughts and comments! I sort of figured that it was all right to have limits as a sub but I just needed to check and make sure. The thing that really makes me shake my head when I think about it is....I had two potential Dommes who told me that they just ask a potential sub if he is willing to do forced-bi just to see how "submissive" he really is....even though the Dommes really had no interest in doing so!!!! I am not kidding........I thought that was really, really wrong on their part. Again, just want to thank everyone for their responses. [:)]

JohnWarren -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/4/2005 7:12:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Looking4answrs Hey everyone! I want to thank you all for the thoughts and comments! I sort of figured that it was all right to have limits as a sub but I just needed to check and make sure. The thing that really makes me shake my head when I think about it is....I had two potential Dommes who told me that they just ask a potential sub if he is willing to do forced-bi just to see how "submissive" he really is....even though the Dommes really had no interest in doing so!!!! I am not kidding........I thought that was really, really wrong on their part. It can be really really annoying to keep hearing "I'll do anything." I just have a pair of stainless steel shark hooks and some Fakir Mustafar photos. Works about the same. Done to get real information quickly, it isn't all that wrong.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/4/2005 7:34:57 PM)
quote: I draw the line at forced-bi and cuckolding activities. These are my only two limits and I have been lambasted for having any limits whatsoever as a sub. Ironically enough, I have turned away plenty of men precisely because they have those things among their interests, and I'm not interested in those things. I won't say it's not a desire I will never have, but it's not one I can build a relationship around anymore than it is one I'd destroy a relationship over (were I already in a good relationship). Indeed I would ask these women who want to force these things down your throat (no pun intended) against your will what makes them true dominas? M

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/5/2005 11:23:16 AM)
I admit that I do toss out the earrings made from molars idea out when I have an "I'll do anything" sub, but to ask for something you don't even want? Not the best screening method.

MistressGrace07 -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/6/2005 11:24:00 PM)
I love telling people who tell Me "I give you anything"... "Can I get a gun and shoot you?" Every submissive has limits - and that's okay... as long as you're not planning on being a slave.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Am I really a sub? (9/7/2005 12:50:06 AM)
quote: I admit that I do toss out the earrings made from molars idea out when I have an "I'll do anything" sub, but to ask for something you don't even want? Not the best screening method. Probably not the best screening method... Ever consider that you get some inaccurate answers just in their attempt to please? Some people I imagine are submissive, and if sufficiently attracted would do their best to try and do anything that pleases their domina. I try to have normal convo, and ask about kinks on their lists (if they have them). M

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