Acceptance of discovery

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Acceptance of discovery - 1/30/2008 2:44:30 PM

szobras

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During these past couple of months I have been working on a large sculpture project which has gotten me thinking of a few things.
At times the energy level of enthusiasm climbs and falls goes from tedious to exhilarating. Some days it is purely a mindset of a task with the goal of the finished work as a result seeming quite far off, and other day’s that so much progress has been accomplished in view of that goal.
I have a goal to finish the work with exemplary results, and WE have goals to bring forth certain specifics of our interaction to what we feel are acceptable and fulfilling results.
Patience… has been the word in my forethought in regard to both. Patience in the process, patience with both myself and my submissive. A thought that came to mind is “When does one realize or accept that patience has gone as far as it should in regard to realizing that something is not meant to be.” A fine line I think, and an amount of acceptance and flexibility exercised.
Certainly I think everyone looses their patience at times, I know I do. That is not what I am getting at.

What I am interested in hearing about are other’s experiences when although all may be sincerely willing to work together for “as long as it may take”, putting forth the efforts and there appears a realization that something is just not true for that person to learn, or perhaps not in ones ability to teach the other specifically. We all have a knack for learning and communicating, and teaching certain things, and sometimes we find that we do not. Sometimes things are accomplished together, though not quite as we would ultimately like them to be.
WIITWD to me is one opportunity as an avenue to self discovery, discovery of another, and the discovery of us together. Perhaps a language of specific experience, that we would not understand when spoken by other experiences in life.
As with any other part in life, we find what is personally true to each, and go from there. Sometimes we can relate that as we get to know each other, and sometimes it is something discovered together on the journey .
I am interested in hearing other’s experience with this, what did you realize about yourself and your partner? What did you do in regard to acceptance of the discovery?
It also got me thinking about some of the threads I have read here about “Settling”, “3rd person speech”, and the idea of a relationship being more about the person than the dynamic. In regard to those on the submissive side of the kneel.. when learning or doing things not because you like them, what obstacles to you personally feel you face in those regards, and do you feel somehow a lack of sincerity, even though your focus may be in pleasing your Dominant?
For those that are on the Dominant side, have you found that perhaps something you wanted your partner to learn was just not right for them personally after a time, and how did you feel about it in regards to flexibility and acceptance?
Thank you to all that respond in advance.

< Message edited by szobras -- 1/30/2008 2:48:32 PM >

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RE: Acceptance of discovery - 1/30/2008 2:56:04 PM

greyangelus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: szobras

For those that are on the Dominant side, have you found that perhaps something you wanted your partner to learn was just not right for them personally after a time, and how did you feel about it in regards to flexibility and acceptance?

A penchant for the fantasy and ideal should never be a substitute for the acceptance of cold, hard reality. I've got a thing for pointe shoes and en pointe standing ( and ballet heels come to think of it, yum). Realistically, the chance of a woman learning to be able to do this after her teens is about zilch. Growth is possible in all of us. Equal amounts of potential growth is not, and in a lot cases undesirable. Specializtion of skill and abilitys is a hallmark of humanity, its the very thing that enables civillization.

On a more practical note, ideally as the relationship grows so does the ability to gauge the strengths and weaknesses of each other. Technically this should allow both to provide accurate advice to each others about the likelihood of success of a paticular endeavour before stating in the first place.

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RE: Acceptance of discovery - 1/30/2008 3:21:33 PM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: szobras
I am interested in hearing other’s experience with this, what did you realize about yourself and your partner? What did you do in regard to acceptance of the discovery?

Greetings szobras
Funny you mention patience. What I have realised so far (and remembering that my relationship with Darcy is still in an early phase of only a couple of years) that I am capable of patience. This is something I never thought I had, even to the point of refusing to want it. And honestly, without Darcy, I would not of been able to utilise it.

quote:

It also got me thinking about some of the threads I have read here about “Settling”, “3rd person speech”, and the idea of a relationship being more about the person than the dynamic. In regard to those on the submissive side of the kneel.. when learning or doing things not because you like them, what obstacles to you personally feel you face in those regards, and do you feel somehow a lack of sincerity, even though your focus may be in pleasing your Dominant?

The obstacle I come across the most for me, is thinking I 'won't be able'. Darcy of course in his wisdom doesn't set me up for failiure, but knows exactly what I can do and encourages me to do it. And over time, I have learnt to trust him when he instructs. There is only insincerity if the focus is not on doing exactly as Master instructs and desires and if one doesn't communicate any discomfort or fears, instead pretending all is great inside.
Master needs to know the suffering so he can deal with it.

Not sure if that made any sense. Many blessings and deepest regards to you and yours.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/30/2008 3:22:05 PM >

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RE: Acceptance of discovery - 1/31/2008 8:17:13 AM

LordVelvet

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szobras,
I have known you for over 13 years and I am not spilling My guts on the forum but I have had to go threw patience with both My sub and My slave. I have spoken to you about both of them and You have listened and helped. I have also been an ear for You to talk to. I think that the key in all of these relationships is to be honest with yourself first and the rest will follow.
LordVelvet

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RE: Acceptance of discovery - 1/31/2008 10:47:56 AM

ProlificNeeds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: szobras

... when learning or doing things not because you like them, what obstacles to you personally feel you face in those regards, and do you feel somehow a lack of sincerity, even though your focus may be in pleasing your Dominant?

When learning something new, I give it a fair chance. If I can't get into it but it must be done, then I say so. I turn the focus from the task itself, to performance for the sake of the Dom's pleasure. I'll say it up front as well so there is no sense of disappointment or displeasure when the top realizes I'm not really digging it as much as they might want me to. The Phrase "I do it for you, not me." Is often magic in smoothing over any displeasure.
There will obviously be a bit of lacking in enthusiasm for the task itself, instead I try to stir up enthusiasm for the top's pleasure in my performance. Biggest obstacle that remains though is knowing I could likely do better if I was more excited about the task itself. Sometimes though, 'good enough' is better than beating yourself up over things you just can't get into.
It's not really my evaluation that matters anyway, it's his. If I'm doing it for him, then I must do it to his standard, and if he is satisfied then I should be too. If he's not, then I try again until I get it right, or we both give it up as a lost cause.

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RE: Acceptance of discovery - 1/31/2008 12:06:13 PM

verysweet

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quote:

In regard to those on the submissive side of the kneel.. when learning or doing things not because you like them, what obstacles to you personally feel you face in those regards, and do you feel somehow a lack of sincerity, even though your focus may be in pleasing your Dominant?

I'm not certain if this is exactly what you had in mind with that OP, but here's my take. Many of the toys he uses, the scenarios he conjures up, the predicaments he places me in would not be "5's" on one of those bdsm checklists. In fact, most of them would probably be a "1" or "2" at best. Before I met him, some things would have been a 'hard limit'. Yet not once have I ever felt a lack of sincerity whilst enduring these things---if I am truly focusing on doing whatever it takes to make him happy, I'm not quite sure how I could give 100 percent without being sincere. In fact, sincerity is a crucial element, for me, in doing things for others. One of the obstacles I've faced is fear, but over time I've acquired a taste for it and have learned to embrace it because instilling it in me is part of his modus operandi.

quote:

I am interested in hearing other’s experience with this, what did you realize about yourself and your partner?

There has been a lot of self-discovery thoughout this relationship. and to me, that's what makes it so amazing. One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that trusting someone else begins with trusting myself first.

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RE: Acceptance of discovery - 1/31/2008 12:40:35 PM

DesFIP

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Your post reads as though you feel the dynamic is more important than the personal happiness of the individuals involved and/or the success of the relationship, which is after all composed of the individuals in it.

Did you mean that? That people ought to put on a false persona of a strict, uncaring D or a robotlike s? Because I think it's the other way around.

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