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pandoravampire -> RE: Passive-aggressive submission (9/5/2005 4:02:39 PM)
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passive aggression (in my opinion) is a manipulative behaviour seen in people. Not subs or doms, people. It may be conscious or unconscious. Either way, it is a way of communicating to another - a message. Sure its completely screwed communication, but manipulative communication none the less.
We are all capable of it at times. And we all have indulged. All of us. Some of us have insight, some of us dont.
If you know someone well, or you have taught yourself or been taught well enough to communicate, then the need for PA behaviour lessens.
Some PA behaviour ive seen here and on other boards is from people who make a bit of 4x4 timber look like a pentium 4. It grates on me, annoys the crap out of me and infuriates me to read such threads, as people are sucked into the transference these people can kick out at a rate of knots. So i avoid such threads now. You know the ones where it goes.... Met my Dom, we are in love, but he's sleeping around without a condom, is this ok?
I work a lot with people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, where PA is paramount. It is their most reliable sabotage tool, one they can easily tap into. Not allowing my buttons to be pushed is a challenge at times. Often these people have many years of expertise in this field compared to my paultry 22 at not responding to it.
Like saracasm is supposed to be, PA in my opinion is the truly lowest form of whit.
Its counterproductive to mutual goals.
I indulge in PA when im truly frustrated. Its a bad behaviour im capable of as are we all. But it only comes out, when communication is not flowing. It is my responsibility as a human bean, to spot it, control it, prevent it. Not my Dom's. Restart communication of a flowing level, and work through the issue.
I detest being manipulated. I can smell it a mile away and spot it in half of that. [:'(]
Sometimes, you will read a post, that is designed to mislead, and cajole others into a predetermined response. Where ignorance is claimed. To play with bdsm from the level of igonorance claimed, or described, is unconsenting. Consent should always be given from a informed stance, Posters, such as i mention here, are either lacking the capacity to give informed consent, through stupidity or practicing PA behaviour or manipultation. Either way, not attractive as people to me. But may float others boats nicely.
Topping from the bottom is another sited PA behaviour. Again, a form of communicating what i want. However, this is not the agreed dynamic, and therefor unwelcome. If my needs are not met, i am responsible for communicating what/why/how in a respectful manner. A wise dominant will listen and respond to our mutual benefit. If i want something, i ask outright, in a respectful manner as His sub. Well, thats the theory. Sometimes i cock up, and i spot whats going on, then i can stop what im doing and go about it in a more productive manner.
My tolerance for manilpulation is zero, i respect that His is too.
pandoravampire
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