RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ?

RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (Full Version)

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subtreat4u -> RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (1/31/2008 3:09:32 AM)
GoddessDustyGold Ma'am Your understanding is wonderful, and appreciated ! Thank You! You said "And we do talk to each other...maybe more than you know!" i am lost as what, to say at this moment! Good night jim

thetammyjo -> RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (1/31/2008 6:00:14 AM)
I always assume that someone talking to me is talking to other people. I mean, does he/she live in a cave, isolated from others. However some people have this fantasy that once you starting to her/him then you are only talking to him/her. Here's how you find out if the person you are talking with is living in reality or fantasy: Tell them that you are chatting/talking with others and see how they react. If they become upset, they are in a fantasy world, if they say "I figured so" or "thanks for letting me know" or "me, too" then they are in reality. Now, it is also within reality though for everyone person to have rules by which they live their life and conduct their interactions. A good potential will tell you what her rules are. For some once you start negotiating she will expect you to only be negotiating with her. For others once you sign a contract you need to be only with her. Of course that may or may not mean you can't continue to talk to others. Again a good potential will tell you that.

subtreat4u -> RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (1/31/2008 9:55:07 AM)
thetammyjo i understand what your view is, and thank you. I sent one lady a filled out form from a site (negotiations) but beleive she understood, understands it was to clairify who i am! I need to clear this up immeadiatly, and not believe, or assume anything! This is a mess, and should not have happened if i would have thought clearly, and said from the begining i was talking to more then one. (Could've, Should've, Would've) Don't you love hind sight, it is so Clear ! Innocent on my part, or so i thought! Thanks have a wonderful day!

lateralist1 -> RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (1/31/2008 11:29:34 AM)
I'm still confused as to how other Dommes view this so I will clarify what I expect. 1 I talk to a lot of subs. 2 I expect or assume the subs I talk to to be free to talk to other Dommes. 3 If a sub asks me to become his Mistress I will see him as under consideration and I then expect him to communicate that to other Dommes he may be talking to or be friendly with so they are aware. 4 I will then start to work with him as a trainee until we find out if we are compatable. This takes as long as it takes. At some point I will offer him my collar or one or the other of us will decide it is not working out for us. Collaring is a very very serious commitment for me.

subtreat4u -> RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (1/31/2008 12:33:07 PM)
Beth Ma'am out of respect, and courtesy. Your explanation on your views is appreciated. I am at fault here. It was I, that did not communicate that I was speaking to others. I assumed other Ladies would know this (assuming is one of my mistakes, flaws that have been pointed out to me) I am trying to rein in this learned behavior, and am working on making changes! As soon as I realized I was seeing feelings from one of the Women, I sought advice here immediately. Believing hearing several opinions, beliefs I would get a clear picture, if I had done something wrong, or not, and if something needed to be rectified. My conclusion was I needed to take responsibility, tell them both, and Apologize! Telling them both at the same time, with identical letters, seemed appropriate. I did not want any one to be angry, or hurt. This may not have been smart it seems somewhat impersonal, that was, is not my intention. I sent them the same letter in hopes it would assure them both of my sincerity, and my understanding I made an error in my judgment by not trusting in them enough to accept the fact I was talking to other women also. Myself, I hurt out of my own ignorance feeling guilty. I tried to clear this up as soon as I perceived I was in the wrong, You speak of Collaring as a commitment, serious, and not to be taken lightly! I would venture both of these women share your view as Inflexible on this! New (newbie) I see collaring as a sign of ownership. A collar is a symbol not unlike a wedding ring, a commitment! (life long) Also this tells you have chosen this person, and are dedicating yourself to their well-being. I hope I am not off base with what I wrote, or my perceptions. Thank you for expressing your thoughts, and views. Have a wonderful day. jim

YesMistressIrish -> RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (2/1/2008 9:58:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtreat4u thetammyjo i understand what your view is, and thank you. I sent one lady a filled out form from a site (negotiations) but beleive she understood, understands it was to clairify who i am! I need to clear this up immeadiatly, and not believe, or assume anything! This is a mess, and should not have happened if i would have thought clearly, and said from the begining i was talking to more then one. (Could've, Should've, Would've) Don't you love hind sight, it is so Clear ! Innocent on my part, or so i thought! Thanks have a wonderful day! Subtreat, Maybe I missed something above? I don't see where you had to announce immediately that you were chatting with others. If we only chatted with one person at a time, until we were completely clear they were for us, we could spend 2 lifestimes looking for what we seek. As Lady Pact said so nicely above "I wouldn't trade my friends here on cm for anything in the world." Paraphrased, of course. And hindsight is 20/20. Too bad we can't do some things in reverse, yes? And Pixil, I think that putting someone 'under consideration' is up to each domme to handle how it best works for her and her potential collared sub. There are different ways to go about it and some are very workable. waving hi to my buddies here on the boards Irish

ItalianSMistress -> RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (2/1/2008 3:58:52 PM)
I would just say once they ask. I know Myself, I like to screen someone for a couple weeks, then met, so once it gets to the point where I am ready to met someone, I will just ask if they are being screened by anyone else. I dont care either way, at that point, as there is no commitment, but I would be livid if I was lied to. If they never ask, then once you met, I would say, you should tell them. Thats just My opinon.

PanthersMom -> RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (2/1/2008 5:15:50 PM)
unless you are in a relationship and are forbidden contact with friends or others in general for some odd reason, essentially locked away from the world; why would anyone object to your having adult conversations and stimulating your intellect with new thoughts and different viewpoints? unless the person you are with wants someone with the mental capacity of a barbie doll, then you're screwed. PM

subtreat4u -> RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? (2/1/2008 6:29:26 PM)
YesMistressIrish ItalianSMistress PanthersMom God day - evening Ladies Thank you for your thoughts, and insights, appreciate what you have expressed. Loved your expression, and wording "unless the person you are with wants someone with the mental capacity of a barbie doll, then you're screwed." jim

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