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acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 8:20:34 PM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		Hello Ladies
i would like to ask if is appropiate to talk to someone without informing others you are talking to some else?
(scenario)
i speak to Lady 1,  lady 2, as well as Lady 3, nothing is set between myself, and lady, 1, 2, or 3.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To my feelings it is not wrong,  the Ladies are also talking to other people.

So am i looking at this wrong,
Being a submissive do i have the right to do this without informing the others of my actions?


Respectfully
subtreat4u
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 8:33:46 PM   
DragonLadysFire


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/8/2007
Status: offline 		Until you are with one of them in a relationship, it is up to you if you say how many (if any) others you are speaking too.

_____________________________

A dragon may breathe fire, but that doesn't mean you will be burned.



(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 8:43:32 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		It is up to you to tell anyone if you are talking to others. If you do not belong to one of the ladies you are speaking with there is no rule that says you must tell them anything.  However, if it goes beyond casual chat I would appreciate if someone I were chatting with told me if they were also chatting with others .. but on the other hand I would probably ask and expect an honest answer.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to DragonLadysFire)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 8:45:42 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I know it wasn't intended in the OP, but I can't help but think of what the definition of "talking to" actually is for My oldest um.  I really do know that's not the point.  I'm just throwing that out there.

Personally, I 'talk' to other subs and bottoms all of the time.  My own sub is completely aware that I talk with other people and still engage in casual play.  That's how it was before he ever became My sub.  It wasn't until the dynamic evolved to what it is now that he was put above the others. 

I guess what I am saying is that, until something becomes...... well...... something, you have every right to talk to as many perspective Dominants as you feel are right for you.  Until someone actually has some kind of claim on you, I would say you are more or less your own free agent.  The good part about this is you are getting to know some people, and are starting to get an idea of what situation might be right for you.

I know some of the above was rather confusing.  Still, I hope it gave you My view on the answer to your question.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DragonLadysFire)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:07:09 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		subtreat4u,
Don't ever fall for the "under consideration" BS that some attempt to use to take a sub out of circulation and put him "on hold" while they continue to explore all of their options.  Until you reach the point where you no longer desire to continue to explore your options, keep talking with the other ladies.  When that desire is gone, you'll know it, and there's no sense in playing games.  That's when it's time to put your energies into the one who consumes your thoughts.
 
 - pixel


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:08:40 PM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		DragonLadysfire, MissHarlet, LadyPact  

Ladies
Thank you for assuring me i am not out of line!
I appreciate hearing your thoughts, i mean this sincerely!

Lady Pact
Talking is just Talk,
i have been getting to know others, as possible relationships, friends.
Everyone i seriously talk with i adress i am looking for a LTR.
This is in turn as you say helping me understand myself also as well as growing.
i have never told anyone that i was talking to others as far as LTR,
or friends either way i saw no purpose, and believed it is just accepted.

As i said i did not think i was wrong in any way,
but since i have gotten myself in trouble a couple times already,
thought it would probably be better to ask!


jim
  



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:12:03 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		We were all new once .. .and it is never wrong to ask .... and then take the answers, sift thru them and take those that resonate as truth to you and make them your truth.  Good luck in your search and remember ... that even tho this life is not always easy, it is supposed to be fun!

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:12:46 PM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		    imho, if it causes you to wonder, then ask each of the Ladies involved if it causes them concern. 
   i have had occasion to ask if my profession causes concern, as part of my job is to hang around outside of bars, pick up drunk young ladies and take them home. (i'm a cab driver in a college town) the only caution that i have encountered with this is NOT to take them to my home.

(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:17:21 PM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		pixel

Thanks for your advice.
I appreciate what you say of being on hold.

I have found local community activites here.
Going to start in Feb going to the munches 3 per month
1 first Sat.of the month, then 1 every other week on Thur i believe.

You have been very responsive, and supportive!





(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:20:09 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		The only thing that bothers me is when a sub is raving about the whole "Oh, I live to serve you and you alone" crap, then you find out that they're secretly telling 5 other Ladies the same thing. Which is pretty funny when the Ladies know each other and talk in private.

If you're honest, it shouldn't be a problem. Good luck and have fun

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to atursvcMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:34:41 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Speak to as many people as you wish, but I would say make sure they know you are speaking to others. That way, if one of them does get more serious, everyone else wont feel like you led them on and then bailed. Just to keep feelings from being hurt in the long run, make sure they know that until something is more serious, you do not intent to commit yourself to someone. I have talked to many in that situation, and they all told me right off that I was one of multiple they were discussing things with. Some Ladies are ok with that, others dont like the competition. If someone isnt comfident enough to be one of several, then you're best to be rid of them from the beginning. Just be honest and you should be fine.
DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:44:55 PM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline 		I don't see anyting wrong with it in the context you have presented.
However, if you have feelings for one stronger than the others, and are interviewing with the person you have a strong feeling of "connection" with already, then I would say that you are defocusing your attention and being a bit dishonest to the others by not saying you already have a strong desire to be owned by someone else, already.  In other words, they are your 2nd or 3rd choices and are there in case #1 doesn't reciprocate in the same manner.  If I was interviewing someone and found out they already had a strong desire to be owned by someone else, I would be a bit discouraged about their sincerity and proceeding with any further interviewing.
However, if it is all just talking and no one has expressed any strong interest, either way, then let the games continue.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:52:09 PM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		MissMagnolia

i understand what you say.
Thank You.
I do not know if you are directing your answer at me on devotional servitude, or in general.
i was thinking that the Ladies talk among themselves also You are Elite!
(Esprit De Corp,
Camaraderie)
This is why i came here to ask!
I do not want to be in hot water, lead some one on,
be played with as i try to find a LTR, make friends, or learn.

Isn't it possible to be in service to any one,
and not have the devotional love that maybe you, or the other may want, or like?
Couldn't this grow over time as you became closer, better friends, as the relationship grows ?

My belief is i want a devotional love, respect for whom i sereve, and or i am with!
i have always given my heart 100% to no matter what i was tasked, ordered to do,
or what i have chosen to do.

Thank you for responding with your opinion!



(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 9:53:42 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Well I will tell you I will serve you and only you, but only if you feed me and feed me well regularly lol. No food no loyalty. otherwise all bets are off
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

The only thing that bothers me is when a sub is raving about the whole "Oh, I live to serve you and you alone" crap, then you find out that they're secretly telling 5 other Ladies the same thing.


< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 1/30/2008 9:58:34 PM >

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 10:00:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My thanks to you, subtreat, for understanding what I had to say as it was intended. 

There are several here on CM that I talk to on a regular basis.  Though they are not a good match for Me, I wouldn't trade them in the friendship category.  Sometimes, that is what a person needs, is a friend that understands them.  I realize you are just starting on your journey, but that core ideal is very valuable, at times.

I wouldn't give up the positive connections I have made here on CM for the world.  They know who they are.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 10:58:57 PM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		DiurnalVampire, MistressVnus

DiurnalVampire
Point made.
I did not tell either one i was speaking to the other!
This is why i came here to ask.
I am wrong by not telling them, but then i am not.
I felt Guility, or other wise i would not be here asking!
There is no commitment from any party 100% to anything!
EITHER of these Women i am speaking to is more then i could ever hope for!

On one hand there is a Woman whom i respect, but we have not spoken to that much.
I was, and still am in deep____ with her for my last posting. (24/7)

The other lady whom i adore also, lives closer, we have talked a little more, until just tonight!
We share a few things bonding us closer, Military Service, Service related experiences..

I need, will tell them both!

Thank You!

MistressVnus

Wow.
Niether of these women are my 2nd Choice!
I feel bad that you state it this way!
I did speak to one before the other!
i have tried, or have spoken to others before these women.
I do not see this as 2nd Place however,
it is not a competition, game, or show where prizes are awarded.

I see what you say, and feel like a heel (politly speaking)
I am not sure if an interview,
is what either of these Ladies is considering going on, or has gone on.
i consider that an Honor if it is the case!.
I was speaking to either as i would trying to get to know them,
i told each the only thing i was interested in relationship wise is LTR, there is nothing else!
i am not trying to see if i could stir up trouble, start a competition.
I was, and am not out to hurt, toy with any one!










(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/30/2008 11:38:24 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I think what most are saying is, while it's still at the level of general "getting to know you" chat, you probably don't NEED to say anything, though you might CHOOSE to do so. As soon as it moves further into "interviewing" for a potential relationship then it is probably more of a requirement to mention that you are talking with others.

While I frequently agree with pixel, I would qualify what he said about "under consideration" just a little. It's not an entirely useless concept ... it's all in the application of it. I wouldn't place someone "under consideration" until W/we had talked seriously for a reasonable time, got to know each other well, and they had visited for a live-in visit, and shown clear potential. By that time they would be also considering Me as their future Mistress and probably would have voluntarily stopped talking with others on anything other than a friends basis. I agree, don't get caught up with some one too eager to place you under consideration (or worse still, ready to slap a velcro collar on your neck!), that's just ridiculous and unfair.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/31/2008 12:03:44 AM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

MistressVnus

Wow.
Niether of these women are my 2nd Choice!
I feel bad that you state it this way!
I did speak to one before the other!
i have tried, or have spoken to others before these women.
I do not see this as 2nd Place however,
it is not a competition, game, or show where prizes are awarded.

I see what you say, and feel like a heel (politly speaking)
I am not sure if an interview,
is what either of these Ladies is considering going on, or has gone on.
i consider that an Honor if it is the case!.
I was speaking to either as i would trying to get to know them,
i told each the only thing i was interested in relationship wise is LTR, there is nothing else!
i am not trying to see if i could stir up trouble, start a competition.
I was, and am not out to hurt, toy with any one!


Not hurting anyone is the main objective.  And, like I said, if no interest to a "specific" Domina has been expressed, then all is well.  However, if you said to one Domina, "yes, I'm speaking with others and there is one I would like to be owned by", then that is a different story.  Not so much that a commitment has been made.  Or, that she has even reciprocated.  But, more, that your desire lies elsewhere.  And, that is a blow to anyone!!
Suppose one were to say to you, "Yes, I'm interviewing other submissives, and one has really caught my interest above all others, so far.  But, I wish to continue interviewing with you as well."
Would you feel like you are door #1, door#2, or door #3?
There is NOTHING "wrong" with talking to multiple people.  I guess my point is, once you have identified a connection, on any level, that is more than the rest, you should focus on that until it is "go" or "no-go".  THEN, if it doesn't pan out....go back out to the playing field.  But that is just me.  I find that the best results come when I "focus" on the object of my "intent".  You know, the Universal Law of Attraction, and all that. (FYI that can be googled)
And, no matter what your intent, when you tell one you are speaking to others that you have an interest in, it DOES become a competition.  No matter how we perceive it.  One is vying for your "approval" so to speak, over another.
I know many say that this would indicate esteem issues.  Perhaps so.  But, I also believe it is a "human" issue.   Just as if I were to tell you I was considering a sub or two, in addition to you.  How would that feel?  Just try to walk that mile.  Then you will undertand how that shoe might fit.  Esteem, or not, I think we all would like to know we are the "special" one when considering a LTR.  Am I making any sense here at all?


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/31/2008 12:18:22 AM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		MaamJay

Thank you
I appreciate you addressing this posting, and stating your opinion.

It is a pleasure to recieve so much attention from my posting.
The advice i have received i respect!

i honestly have given each of your postings thought.
i decided to tell them both!
I did send the same letter to both, expressing it was being sent to both!
This way there can be no doubt,
or confusion i am not trying to pull the wool over any one's eyes.

Again Thank You all it is a pleasure listening to each of You!

Respectfully,
jim

subtreat4u
play games.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: acceptable behavior for Sub ? - 1/31/2008 1:49:14 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		It is no problem at all.  Unless and until things become more serious, it is healthy for you to be exploring and seeing the similarities as well as the differences so you have the best experience in the whole process.
And we do talk to each other...maybe more than you know! 
Time, patience and honesty wins every time.  Don't make decisions lightly.   
Good to see you sticking around the boards!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 20
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