Lesbian Submissives and Slaves....

Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (Full Version)

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LdyWinter -> Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 1:29:03 PM)
I have not been a part of this site very long, but have been in the lifestyle for over 11 years now, and I am looking for feedback on something I have noticed.... I know for a fact, there are a large number of lesbians who are submissives, as well as slaves, and yet I do not see many of them about? Most forums I visit, (including message boards and chat rooms, especially), seem geared toward Male Dominants and submissive females. Even the straight Dommes, seem much less prevelant, and I was wondering if that was due to the forums' design, or simply a smaller number of Female Dominants, and/or Lesbians in these forums. As a Female, Lesbian Domme, I am asking to help me better navigate this new environment. LOL By the way, I like the setup here, and find the searches helpful.

OscarHargraves -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 2:52:48 PM)
You have a valid point. I don't know why this is true but I can suggest a possible solution. Why don't you start some threads on the topics that you want to see discussed? You can get some answers and also encourage these others to participate. Maybe it will start something.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 3:15:19 PM)
The homosexual scene tends to be a very different culture from the heterosexual scene, so there's little overlap. I wish there were more mixing.

brightspot -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 3:25:59 PM)
quote: The homosexual scene tends to be a very different culture from the heterosexual scene, so there's little overlap. I have not experienced this in the lifestyle scene and also MsN and myself are Bikers and into leather, I have found both scenario's very excepting of lesbians. I think we may be a bit more of a sub-culture with-in a sub culture. But when MsN and myself have attended BDSM themed parties or Leather events, we have never felt not accepted or looked down on. But that's my personal experiences. *Brightspot

kisshou -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 3:38:59 PM)
Female dominants are the smallest subset in terms of population in the BDSM community as a whole, so since lesbian female dominants are a subset of that population, there are just not that many of them. I do wish the ones that are part of the CM community would be more active in the boards. Thank you for the post.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 3:43:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 The homosexual scene tends to be a very different culture from the heterosexual scene, so there's little overlap. I wish there were more mixing. Em hit the nail on the head. Because the majority of the people participating here are heterosexual, the hegemonic discourse, especially on these boards, will be geared towards heterosexuality. Being a woman who engages in relationships with primarily men but occasionally women, I tend to stir things up when things get a little too blatantly heterosexist. But for many, a heterosexually focussed environment can be a turn off and cause them to go look elsewhere. I have to say that other then lack of inclusivity, I have not to date seen any overt homophobia however. In any case, welcome to the boards! I hope you will stay a while and help us change the landscape. - LA

LdyWinter -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 5:21:30 PM)
Wow! Thanks for all the quick replies and suggestions. I think I will take the 'starting more threads' idea to heart. So you can all expect to hear alot more from me. Although in regards to the comment of the hetero and homosexual scenes being different...I don't agree. I have been to a number of exclusively 'gay & lesbian' places, (bars, communities, etc), and I do not see much difference in the content or the interests. Maybe that's just been my experienc. Thank you for your thoughts, though. Hey, I know....maybe we should just put up a 'Personals' listing on the message board. LOL! While it might be nice, I'm not sure it would really generate serious discusssions. Well, thanks again, for making me feel welcomed. Lady Winter

nella -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 5:42:41 PM)
For me, i am streight mostly but might be atracted to females, but when it comes to BDSM and D/s i can subit to a woman or a man, and i think it could be an interesting experience for me to subit to a woman.

ModeratorEleven -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 5:51:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LdyWinter Hey, I know....maybe we should just put up a 'Personals' listing on the message board. LOL! While it might be nice, I'm not sure it would really generate serious discusssions. Strangely enough, we already have a personals listing, it's just not here in the forums. It's called collarme.com [;)] Welcome to the forums! XI

night101owl -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 8:59:02 PM)
It's my experience that leatherdykes are more likely to be navigating SM than D/s, but D/s lesbians are out there. You might check out butchfemme.com , even if you're not into butch/femme dynamics, because they do have a nice leather forum. (I'm a masochist dyke, which I find tends to be very different from a lesbian submissive!!!)

nonuts4thshoney -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 9:32:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LdyWinter I was wondering if that was due to the forums' design, or simply a smaller number of Female Dominants, and/or Lesbians in these forums. Well, probably just a smaller amount of lesbians on this site. i myself am a lesbian sub and my Master happens to be a lesbian Dominant.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 9:42:01 PM)
There are a few of us out here, but most of the lesbians I know, if they -are- into BDSM won't admit it. The general policy of the lesbian community, at least in our area, is that BDSM is degrading to women, and any woman who would participate in it is a traitor to her gender. Clearly, this is an area where my mate and I have had to agree to disagree with the community, but even my mate's sister (also lesbian) cut off interaction with us when we refused to give up our D/s activites. So be it. Lady Zephyr

brightspot -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/4/2005 10:57:43 PM)
quote: The general policy of the lesbian community, at least in our area, is that BDSM is degrading to women, and any woman who would participate in it is a traitor to her gender. I find this really a sad situation. I can only wish that Lesbian/Feminists would come to the realization that the root of Feminism is that every woman has a choice to live the kind of life she choses and feels happy doing. That if I as a Lesbian find my fullfillment in life being submisssive in my relationships and that it is my choice to give most of my power over to my Lover/Domina. That does not make me a traitor to the woman of the world, I still stand strong in my sisterhood. Being in a D/s dynamic relationship allows me to not only express myself the way I chose, but for myself this has allowed me to grow, be happy, to have finally found my freedom! To me that is the core of being a Feminist. *Brightspot

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/5/2005 10:09:18 AM)
Brightspot, That is our belief and has been our experience as well. Hence, we've made the choice that we've made. I've had many try to tell me that once they took a collar, they were powerless to make a different decision. We've always considered submission a day-to-day choice. However, when we've tried to express that opinion, we've been told that it is against the entire nature of a servant/slave to decide -anything-. To me, the phrase "consentual slavery", because it includes "consentual", includes the possibility that we can -all- make different choices, every time the option comes up... and for us, that is the essence of freedom as women. Lady Zephyr

erebus -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/5/2005 12:48:19 PM)
A couple of comments.... I live in Sacramento, and there are several women-only parties every month in a local dungeon. In San Francisco, there is an active lesbian bdsm community. They have munches and play parties. It is much more active and numerous than Sacramento, of course. I do have a woman co-worker who is a very much out lesbian, but she has told me that she thinks even women to women bdsm is not acceptable to most lesbians, and the worst of course is the male Dom/female slave relationship. By definition to her, this is just abuse, and the woman is either deluded, muddled, or brain-damaged. I of course disagree!

WickedKev -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/5/2005 3:54:08 PM)
Over here the gay BDSM community is very much mixed in with the hetro and I have never seen a problem. I have however heard of the vanilla gay community disown both gay men and women who participate in BDSM scene. Don't ask me why though.

batty24546 -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/6/2005 4:04:05 AM)
I am a lesbian sub, and i know of many lesbian dom. I did once ask why one of these women was never on the net, In our usual chat rooms and such, and her reasoning was. . . After work, play, and six hours of sex....most of her spare time was gone. Weather or not that is every ones reasoning is a nother thing altogether. I happen to mix in quite well with straights as long as they are open minded, and here there seem to be a well of very open minded people. So I have no probelm here...but you do carrie on a very good point...where are they? Batty

imtempting -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/6/2005 4:50:20 AM)
I will differ from everyone else and say people dont mark it down as many men will message them to death hoping to get a threesome out of them....

DsrtMyst -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/11/2005 10:09:00 AM)
I have several responses... The leather/bdsm community in Phoenix is welcome and opening. I have, in fact, been asked by many groups "how do we get more lesbians to attend" events. And then I went to yesterday's First Annual Arizona Leather Family Picnic and see at least 1/3 of those present are "lesbian", though maybe not recognized as such. The trick is how do you define "lesbian" -- sexual orientation? bdsm orientation? gender identity? relationship preference? sexual preference? I know lesbian-identified bisexuals (which I used to label mysElf), do they count? What about "passing" women (I'm told I read physically as "straight")? transexuals? intersexuals? transgendered individuals? tri-sexuals? omnisexuals? queer identified? I am a female Master with a female slave, yet neither of us identify as lesbian. We are, however, members of "women-only" organizations and recognized as "lesbian" in our community. We list ourselves as "lesbian" for the sake of personals sites such as this because it is the closest option to the type of relationship we seek. As to why there aren't more "lesbians" on these boards: with expanding sexual appetites and options, more are drifting toward "bisexual" and even "transsexual"; a significant portion of lesbians truly are separatist and will not go anywhere (even online) where they may be approached by men; many lesbians are sociologically limited by finances, jobs, and life situation (ie, how many are single parents with no income from the bio-fathers of their children, possibly working two jobs?) from having the luxury of both money for a computer and time to chat; and then there are people like me, who post about their "boys" and are mistaken for heterosexuals by those who haven't learned about broadening gender identities.

night101owl -> RE: Lesbian Submissives and Slaves.... (9/11/2005 2:00:25 PM)
I knew several dykes who won't play at mixed parties, and aren't all that interested in many of the protocols and such of hetero/pansexual BDSM culture. I have occasionally (not always) met with blank faces, when I've made it clear that even though I'm a bottom, I'm not going to use honorifics for tops in the community (I use them with a few people, but only people I know, who have earned my trust). It's not separatism so much as broad cultural differences. Well, maybe a little separatism. A woman who has never once been sexual with a man might be just a little less than enthusiastic about getting butt-naked in front of a crowd of leering men in order to play. I've found that men in BDSM settings are far more forward than in vanilla settings, and some dykes just don't want to deal with the hassle.

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