Sensual or Sadistic? (Full Version)

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kc692 -> Sensual or Sadistic? (9/4/2005 11:02:15 PM)

I have a question for the Dommes on Collarme. We are a mixture of many personalities, and as such have many varied interests. As much as I hate labels, do you consider yourself more of a sensual or sadistic Domme? Why? If you tend to like both types of activities, do you lean more in one direction over the other? If your preferences change and are dependent on something, what is that something? Does it depend on who/what your submissive/s is/are, and therefore change your criteria when looking for a new submissive?

Edited to add: Do you act exhibit either of these traits more depending on whether the submissive is female or male?



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/4/2005 11:20:03 PM)

quote:

As much as I hate labels, do you consider yourself more of a sensual or sadistic Domme?

I hate labels like you because I'm not particularly anything other than bossy, and controlling (especially if with someone who needs a clue), and playful... Okay that, and I like a man who would... Oh, forget the confessions, lol where was I going...
I was saying, I am more of the sensual type, because I when I think of causing pain, that isn't something that turns me on, in and of itself. There are exceptions: If I'm with a lover who has been ultra attentive to my needs/wants, than I tend to derrive pleasure from seeing him/hearing him moan with pain/pleasure (basically doing what works for him).

quote:

Why? If you tend to like both types of activities, do you lean more in one direction over the other?
I have a nurturing side, as well as a no-nonsense bad momma side. I'm nice to boys who are good, but don't mind at all using pain to modify behavior.
quote:

If your preferences change and are dependent on something, what is that something? Does it depend on who/what your submissive/s is/are, and therefore change your criteria when looking for a new submissive?
Yes my preferences are somewhat flexible depending on the submissive.
I've known people who hate pain, and therefore would do their best to avoid going that route, so there would be more negotiating of alternative behavior modification modalities. There are those who loooooooove pain or spanking specifically, and so witholding it may be the way to go when they aren't performing at their best.
Having known a pain slut, I realized I was not sadistic enough to be in relationship with a masochist who needed bruising/severe pain frequently, so in that regard I learned about others and myself for future choices. M



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 5:29:52 AM)

::chuckle:: There's this rumor going around that I'm a sadist....damn rumors.

Ok, so I am definately more of a sadist. I do have a strong sensual side, but not too many subs bring it out in me. The best I can say is that it's a matter of chemistry and having built a higher level of intimacy to cultivate that sensuality.



Oumae -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 6:08:01 AM)

I'm more sensual..... I enjoy giving sensation and not pain for pains sake.
I like to push a sub but I like them to be with me during play and able for the level we are at.
I think I lean more that way as the mental connection is what does it for me and the play can be more a physical expression of it.
I will play harder with subs that I know can take it and who enjoy it, so in that way it will make a difference. Play doesn't feel any the less for it being soft, as said...once the mental connection is good I'll get my rush.

Oumae



MstrssPassion -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 6:53:16 AM)

Hmmm...

I have always considered myself a sensual sadist.

I push for the extreme. I expect my submissive to strive for the excellence of self. I make this no secret when I am within initial conversations. It is also no secret that I am also extremely nurturing & supportive. I respect limits even if I push them ever so slightly.

I am sadistic since I really enjoy deep, hardcore, primal interaction in my SM play. I often introduce this by very sensual methods. I am sensual because I also enjoy kisses, hugs, cheerful smiles & cuddles on on the couch. I am also sensual in the regards of making sure my partner & myself are mutually pleased both sexually as well as within our SM interactions.

MstrssPassion



kc692 -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 7:20:48 AM)

Wonderful answers so far, and thank you Ladies. As a relative newcomer to the boards, but having many years life experience, these boards have been the first time I personally have been exposed to so many viewpoints, and I try to read all I can from the other dommes, for the various viewpoints in WIITWD. I look forward to more.



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 7:23:48 AM)

I would say I am more sensual with sadistic glimmers. I enjoy prodiving pleasurable sensations mixed with pain at just the right moments. I don't particularly enjoy scenes that are only pain based, but prefer much more variety in my activites, going between sensual teasing and light pain or other uncomfortable sensations. I can play harder with subs I know who can tolerate it, but the sub with whom I am currently playing is working on his pain tolerance, so I am much lighter with him. I don't play with female subs, so all of my experience is with males.

When I've done some casual play at a Domme luncheon I regularly attend, I play differently, because I tend to leave out the sensual aspects if it's someone I don't see outside of that environment. I need to have to have a strong emotional and physical connection with my sub to play privately and sensually with him, so I don't play casually in private.

Be well,
Julie



LadyAngelika -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 9:23:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
I have a question for the Dommes on Collarme. We are a mixture of many personalities, and as such have many varied interests. As much as I hate labels, do you consider yourself more of a sensual or sadistic Domme? Why? If you tend to like both types of activities, do you lean more in one direction over the other?


I am a sensually sadistic. I can't imagine myself being sadistic without making it a sensual experience. Being sadistic and inflicting delightful pain on my partner is something that turns me on to the highest degree and therefore there is no way I can seperate the two.

I would say however that I can be sensual without being too sadistic. Though there is always a hint of sadism in the way I like to tease sensually. Nope, not going to get me to tease them apart! They are way to intertwined within me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
If your preferences change and are dependent on something, what is that something? Does it depend on who/what your submissive/s is/are, and therefore change your criteria when looking for a new submissive?


I always said I would adapt somewhat to my playpartner. Unfortunately, most of the play partners I have had are not nearly as masochistic as I would like them to be. That doesn't mean I won't have anything to do with them. I realise it's all about bringing someone to the edge, but when they are already at the edge and I'm just getting warmed up, it's kind of anti-climactic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
Do you act exhibit either of these traits more depending on whether the submissive is female or male?


No. It's really about the individual and their needs/limits/threshold.

- LA



butterflydame -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 10:12:02 AM)

I am a mix of both but I am more sensual than anything else. Nurturing is somewhat second nature for me, although I have a sadistic streak that rears it head occasionally. Pain in general isn't a huge turn on for me.

My preferences do vary slightly on who I am dealing with. To a large extent it all varies on what they bring out in me. Like BlkTallFullfig I am not sadistic enough to satisfy a pain slut, I just don't have enough of that in my personality.

Male or female it doesn't make a difference to me.



MsPurrmeow -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 10:46:24 AM)

When I work with what most people call "Pain" it is usually in a very sensual manner. Strong sensations from a whip, cane or paddle can be extremely sensual. If there is a strong current of energy running between myself and my partner, is it really pain? I enjoy the moans and groans, I love the screams, but what I'm really feeding my "sadist" is the energy from extremely strong sensual interactions. The entire concept of energy flow and intense pleasures counts as "Sensual". If my sadist is feeding off of the same smorgasbord, then it's all good.

I can give a foot massage that can be both erotic/sensual as well as sadistic and healing at the same time. The same goes with play sessions. It all comes out positive, so I would call it sensual. If I enjoyed the pain from only one perspective, I'd call myself a Sadist with a capital "S." I can only describe myself accurately with sensual, nurturing, loving and a very hard player. Sure, there's a Sadist inside, but she gets fed without really ever being in charge of the show.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 11:33:20 AM)

There was a time when I refused to call myself a sadist, because it frightened me. Now I admit it freely---I am a heavy pain player, as long as it's consensual. (beating the tar out of someone who doesn't enjoy it is Not Fun) I can certainly scale it back to anyone's level of pain acceptance, but for me it's all about giving pain.

I used to be a very sensual player, but that's not the zone I'm in right now. I can still snap into that if I feel the right connection with the person I am with (male or female) but I haven't felt that in awhile.

Francine



Vitiate_ -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 12:20:46 PM)

I consider myself a sensous sadist. I can give tingles of pleasure one moment then waves of pain the next. I enjoy both very much, but I tend to lean to the sadistic side more.

V.



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 1:13:19 PM)

quote:

There was a time when I refused to call myself a sadist, because it frightened me. Now I admit it freely---I am a heavy pain player, as long as it's consensual. (beating the tar out of someone who doesn't enjoy it is Not Fun) I can certainly scale it back to anyone's level of pain acceptance, but for me it's all about giving pain.

I used to be a very sensual player, but that's not the zone I'm in right now. I can still snap into that if I feel the right connection with the person I am with (male or female) but I haven't felt that in awhile.

Francine


I hear ya there. It has to be fun & consensual. I do need someone who can take some level of pain though - if a deerskin flogger is about as heavy as someone can play...I'm honestly not going to have much fun.




LadyAngelika -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 1:37:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
I hear ya there. It has to be fun & consensual. I do need someone who can take some level of pain though - if a deerskin flogger is about as heavy as someone can play...I'm honestly not going to have much fun.


This is exactly how I feel. It's about meeting our match.

- LA



LadyofLight -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 4:12:00 PM)

I am sensual,I don't think I have a sadistic bone in my body,lol, altho I do enjoy flogging and paddling.I consider these activities to be mild play. My boys have had much more than I deliver.The ex was a total SAM.Thankfully that is over.My new boy is much more into bondage play.However, I sometimes wonder about submissive men....If it is activities they enjoy,How is it submission?



Misstoyou -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 10:47:06 PM)

I always tended more toward the sensual side. I was never into pain for pain's sake, but more for the amusment value of the sub's response. And yet....my current sub is so wonderfully fit, I can do so much more with him without fear of injury. It's like I've been released to fully access my "other" side... and both of us are finding it extremely satisifying.



SweetDommes -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/5/2005 11:01:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: butterflydame

I am a mix of both but I am more sensual than anything else. Nurturing is somewhat second nature for me, although I have a sadistic streak that rears it head occasionally. Pain in general isn't a huge turn on for me.

My preferences do vary slightly on who I am dealing with. To a large extent it all varies on what they bring out in me. Like BlkTallFullfig I am not sadistic enough to satisfy a pain slut, I just don't have enough of that in my personality.

Male or female it doesn't make a difference to me.


... Have you been rummaging in my head???

This is pretty much what I was thinking when I first read the thread - but saw that Butterfly had already posted it LOL

With some boys, I have not had any desire to do much more than some spanking while teasing them. With our newest boy, I have an overwhelming desire to tie him to the wall (which, unfortunately, we can't do at this house yet *pout*) and flog him until his ass is red - not pink ... bright, angry red. He brings out a sadistic side of myself that I didn't know I had (although, honestly, it's mostly not related to pain ... sadism doesn't have to be physical ... )



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/6/2005 3:58:30 AM)

quote:

If it is activities they enjoy,How is it submission?



Wouldn't you prefer those you are playing with enjoy what you are doing?



LadyAngelika -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/12/2005 5:04:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

quote:

If it is activities they enjoy,How is it submission?



Wouldn't you prefer those you are playing with enjoy what you are doing?


Exactly Sonnet. I like a strong partner who likes the pain because it's pleasure for him or her. I am of the opinion that if the person I'm with isn't enjoying themselves, that will reflect in other parts of the relationship and hence create an unpleasant tension. I have no desires of being with a martyr who suffers for me.

- LA




MistressGrace07 -> RE: Sensual or Sadistic? (9/12/2005 12:32:45 PM)

Both! ;)

I am HIGHLY sensual... but veryyyy sadistic....



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