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Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 6:31:32 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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Mostly this question is for people who bottom to their dominant. When something new or different is done during play how is it introduced? The "something" could be anything from type of toy, type of play, different people, etc.

Are things discussed prior to the play and consent expressly obtained? Do they engage you in "what if" scenarios to obtain an idea of how it may impact you? Do you find out during play that something new is happening?

Much of the time, I find out during the play that something new is going to happen. This was even the case when someone else was included in the scene.

I am curious how it works in other relationships.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

Post #: 1

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 6:36:23 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Mostly we talk about things before hand. Such as, I am made aware, and am even involved in, ordering 'most' of the new toys.
If someone else were to be involved, He would definitely get my ok first, as He knows it would be quite the mind **** to me, and possibly detrimental to our relationship. And He values our relationship above the D/s.

~Christina

(interesting question)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 2

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 7:42:13 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Generally anything drastically new in terms of a type or direction of play we will talk things over in a general sense well before he has chosen to do it. I actually have communicated from the start with my Master that I do not like or handle well when things are discussed just before or I am told this is how it is specifically going to be done so he does not do that. For me detail discussions right before hurt my mind set as it feels like he is seeking out approval or wanting to know I will enjoy it.

My express consent has been given by me calling him Master and therefore complete trust he will keep me safe and respect my hard limits.

In terms of little differences or new toys, he has total freedom and no need to inform me.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 3

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 7:52:38 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

It really depends on what it is. At this stage, most things just seem to happen naturally without us really talking about it. However, when we introduce a toy we talk about it. How we feel about it, how it makes me feel, and a sort of run-down on it's use. If I happen to know more about the toy, I'll give him any information I have and for the first few times we use it I'll do my best to provide as much feedback as I possibly can.

Still, I can certainly see him surprising me with a new toy. If it were going to be the addition of another partner it would be something talked about beforehand though. For personal reasons, I've requested that we always talk about that beforehand and he has agreed to honor my request.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 4

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 8:36:43 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

i am not huge on lengthy negotiations, especially when it would be negotiating with someone i already trust implicitly. If it would make Him feel better to discuss introducing something new before hand fine, if He would rather just go for it to get an even bigger reaction from me, i am definitely okay with that as well.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 8:47:58 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

I rather like surprises, so the Kaptin doesn't normally discuss anything new with me. In fact, the last "new addition" to our play that we discussed was my playing with fire. He allowed me to practice on Him, and now it's one of my favorite things to do, but He doesn't do it to me.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 6

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 9:02:25 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

When something new or different is done during play how is it introduced?

however HE decides to introduce it. this slave has no rules or parameters set forth outlining how and when He is to introduce new or different things.

quote:

Are things discussed prior to the play and consent expressly obtained?

with something or involving someone new, He will talk to this slave about it---however, He obtained FULL consent from this slave over 4 years ago, to use her as He sees fit, so it isn't with the intention of obtaining something that has already been given. it's more along the lines of teasing and stirring up this slave's sexually charged mind by talking about what He is going to do...

.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 7

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 9:48:24 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

I've never made a point of 'needing to know' before hand with any of my partners. Usually we talk about various kinks or situations casually and that information is filed away. If the topic was never discussed, then it will come up before hand, but I may not 'see it coming' so to speak, which is fine by me. My only condition is that I want to be 'risk aware'. If I know nothing of a risky sort of play, I ask to be educated to some degree before it occures. So far that has been acceptable.

I certainly don't need to 'give permission' of any sort, my agreement is already given when I hand myself over into a relationship. The few parameters I have are recognized when we negotiate the power exchange and expectations, and once it's set, then the negotiation table is put away unless a serious issue arises.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 8

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 10:20:58 AM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

I've never made a point of 'needing to know' before hand with any of my partners. Usually we talk about various kinks or situations casually and that information is filed away. If the topic was never discussed, then it will come up before hand, but I may not 'see it coming' so to speak, which is fine by me. My only condition is that I want to be 'risk aware'. If I know nothing of a risky sort of play, I ask to be educated to some degree before it occures. So far that has been acceptable.

I certainly don't need to 'give permission' of any sort, my agreement is already given when I hand myself over into a relationship. The few parameters I have are recognized when we negotiate the power exchange and expectations, and once it's set, then the negotiation table is put away unless a serious issue arises.

Ditto...I LIVE for surprises, and my Dominant knows that! I've experienced quite a bit prior to us meeting, but his variations is what I look forward to the most! I am very blessed knowing that my safety is utmost in his mind and I know he enjoys the reactions to the surprises he gives me! I'm just darn happy that it'll probably take many years to experience all the surprises in his wicked mind!

~Always the gleeful one~

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 9

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 10:25:48 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

well surprises DO have a way of titillating the senses

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to Gleegal67)

Post #: 10

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 11:32:51 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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I think if Master was gonna present something new like a new toy (not another person we don't do that). he would either go with me to get it or tell me about it after he got it not just use it, i would know what he had. After close on 2 years now Master knows my body better then I and he knows what i like. I trust him.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 11

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 11:41:58 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

To go along with most of the posters, I prefer not to discuss the crap out of something first. We both know each other's likes/dislikes/preferences/limits so introducing something new within the guidelines of the knowledge is fine. I'd personally just prefer to go with the flow and have it used without my prior knowledge. More fun that way.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 12

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 4:17:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

No set pattern. When I decided to shave him, I did it complete spontaneously for both of us. But we'd had discussions about the activity itself before so I knew that much. Sometimes it's something we've discussed in detail, sometimes we know it's coming but not when, sometimes it's "Oh what the hell let's check this out" and so on.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 13

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 5:11:07 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

it's usually introduced while we are playing, without any prior discussion. most times I am blindfolded. the only time I wasn't, that I can recall, it was big, shiny, metal and scared the hell out of me, nearly causing a meltdown. didn't keep him from using it on me, tho.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 14

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 5:23:41 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

It is usually introduced when we are playing, although i may have a general idea if say we meet with another couple that something may happen with them....i have shared my fantasies with him a great deal (early on) and so now i am not really encouraged to ask questions or offer too many suggestions/requests, if i do, doing it waaay before hand, like a week or two and throwing it out there is the only real way, if i attempt to ask directly before he sees it as me trying to control, even when it is just nervous excitement, so i keep quiet and hope that it is enjoyable for all concerned.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to lighthearted)

Post #: 15

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 5:30:41 PM

Thorns82

Posts: 92
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Los Angeles, CA
Status: offline

At this point most things are usually discussed beforehand, because we are both still learning. There have been a few notable exceptions, one being surprising me with ice. He would never surprise me with a new long-term partner, but it would be acceptable for him to share me with others in certain ways. He has a list of things I am willing to do with anyone he deems acceptable without consulting me, and a list of things I am willing to do with others if I approve that person as well.

(in reply to lighthearted)

Post #: 16

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 7:52:23 PM

ravennfyre

Posts: 161
Joined: 6/23/2007
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I had one dominant do the "what if I wanted you to" thing for a while...and at first, it really freaked me out with some of the things he was asking me...After a couple of months and a really wicked mindfuck, he pointed out that what I was missing every time he asked me "what if", was that he wasn't telling me that I was gonna DO said thing, but that he was getting into my head and trying to see how I would react to a particular situation.
In the end, it was too much for my poor little brain to take... I imploded. ;)

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 17

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 8:44:58 PM

cautiousiasub

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Joined: 10/17/2005
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He will bring up different activities in conversation to see what reaction he gets from me and decides from there whether it's something we end up doing. I definitley do not have a poker face, and am pretty much an open book so it's very easy to read my reactions. I've learned that just because he brings something up doesn't mean we are going to do it right away (or even at all). New activities are introduced when he feels like introducing them...I trust him not to do anything to harm me physically or emotionally and gave him consent over such issues some time ago.

_____________________________

"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam." - Johnny Carson

(in reply to ravennfyre)

Post #: 18

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 8:46:41 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

as far as something new if its a completely different toy or type of play M'Lady will discuss it with me if its just a different kind of toy like another flogger or such then she will not. after the play (and I'm back from subspace)with something different M'Lady will inquire with me as to how it affected me M'Lady cares for me a great deal and would not harm me so i trust her implicitly

(in reply to ravennfyre)

Post #: 19

RE: Something New/Different in Play - 2/1/2008 9:45:34 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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There are things I keep talking about doing that I haven't, there are things I have done we didn't talk about and there are things that just happen.

We get off on each other so talking is less an act of negotiation and more an act of foreplay.

With all that there are definitely things I would want to assess her reaction to , less to gain permission than to ensure I would get the result I wanted and that I hadn't missed something in ensuring her physical and emotional safety.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 20

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