kyraofMists -> RE: mixed feelings about pain (9/6/2005 4:03:53 PM)
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greenie, There are times when my Lord plays with me that I become quite aggressive. He is a sadist and enjoys pushing His bottoms. In play, I am free to behave in any manner that I wish and I have done some of the things you have described. The first time my Lord and I played in public, I hit the wall in front of me many times, I screamed, cursed at Him, told Him I hated Him, cried, kicked… There are probably other things that I do not recall. Afterwards, I had a difficult time mentally. In fact, it took me several weeks to process everything that happened that night. I have come to accept that what happens during that kind of primal play is okay, it is accepted by my Lord and He gets great pleasure from it. In our plays since then, I have felt much freer to just react and enjoy what my Lord is doing. When He played with me in the cage, despite being restrained, I ripped falls off of His flogger, tried to tear the crop out of His hand, tried to grab Him by the balls, cursed at Him and cried. Other times, I have slapped Him, pulled His hair and punched Him. Through most of it He has just laughed and that has helped in accepting my behavior. For me play is a chance to let go and just enjoy the ride my Lord wants to take me on. I enjoy the pain; I enjoy being pushed and challenged; I enjoy how powerful it makes me feel. Most always, the thought in my head at the end is "why is He stopping?" But it only remains a thought because usually I am unable to speak at that point. Knight's kyra
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