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MasterGallad -> RE: Tips (2/3/2008 12:03:21 AM)
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Well here goes nothing... This is from a artical I posted some time ago. It may be helpful or it may not, if you find some pearls of wisdom thats great.
People and relationships are dynamic by nature; no two are the same. While many people have similar tendencies or behaviors, they do not have the same underlying beliefs or values. Keeping these differences in mind, your approach to handling such people or relationships (whether inside or outside the kink community) bears some scrutiny.
People are often so caught up in work, paying bills, caring for kids, or dealing with the latest loss or crisis that they have little time to work on what they really need in life. Few people feel whole and complete; we all have gaps in our lives that we would like to fill. The truth is, most people are satisfied with a general state of mediocrity or boredom, since that is comfortable, safe, and secure. In that light –– in the light of a mediocre quality of life –– people often look for material things and distractions that they feel (rightly or wrongly) will fill in the gaps that they think that they have in their current life.
The problem, almost always, is with the person, not with the situations in which he finds himself. That is, since it’s easier to look outward than inward to change your life, people frequently remain unfulfilled and wanting something they can’t quite identify for most of their lives.
This article is about a few methods that you can applied to change how you interact with others. In turn, these ideas should be able to change your circumstances or state of mind. These basic ideas are intended to help you to be more effective. We will outline the positive and negative factors that will contribute to control or remove control when it is applied to individuals.
Unpredictable Nature
Positive:
Create a sense of suspense. Do this, because when people are in suspense, they will give up their normal willfulness in order to see what will happen next. The key, here, is to present yourself in a controlled form of chaos.
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Change your behavior and actions often. -
Plan a surprise and tell them that there is one. -
Change the path or direction you’ve been following for some time. Everything in life should be a grand adventure.
Negative:
Repeat the same surprise. Once a person has been exposed to a situation several times they become less likely to react as they did initially. Following a standard path to your same goal over and over again becomes monotonous and tiring.
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Repeating the same actions over and over. -
Not letting people know there is a surprise or anything to be suspenseful about. -
Always following the same path.
Change your activities and behaviors frequently so that you constantly stimulate their mind. This will also weaken their resolve they can hold on to –– because they are curious and want to see what happens next.
Twisted Tongue
Positive:
Personal flattery only has one purpose: to incite a reaction from the individual. Sometimes it can be used as foreplay –– to plant the seeds of a promise of something wonderful. Learn to discover areas that need validation in their life, and earn double points by finding rare points to compliment them on.
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Find rare gems in a person’s personality or character. -
Be indirect when presenting flattery. -
Include the promise of delightful surprise to maximize the effect.
Negative:
Flattering commonly known things or the same things over and over can actually have negative effects. From their point of view, this repeated flattery will detract from your own value and make you seem to be a pest. You have to learn to hold back and put your natural tendencies to talk on hold.
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Pointing out common things. If her reaction to the flattery is “Dah!” you’re on the wrong path. And be careful: you aren’t allowed to make very many mistakes in this area. -
Direct flattery is not flattery at all; they will be likely to wonder what you’re up to. -
Including too many comments, or talking about you is actually self-defeating. Less is more, as the saying goes.
Finding rare pearls to polish in a person’s back yard will bring value to what you have to offer as a gardener of their flowers.
Sensuous Approach
Positive:
Simplify your presentation of anything that has bright colors, such as little gifts or ceremonies. The idea is to focus on the gift or ceremony, not on the day to day surroundings. This will make the moments spent together more magical. By removing the common nature of things, you eliminate the common day-to-day reactions and responses. You will find that a person’s senses are heightened when they are aroused by this approach.
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Use a flashy style or colors whenever possible. -
Provide small gifts and ceremonies’ as a form of special magic. -
Deliberately slow things down. Enjoy the moment. -
Consider wearing a special scent during these times to anchor the scent with something special.
Negative:
People are generally over stimulated. Normal day-to-day routines put them in the state of mind-numbing automatic responses. Their senses become dulled as they rush from one activity to another trying to get things done. People often raise defensive barriers when things return them to the common day-to-day routines of reality.
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They engage in too many common activities. -
They move too fast. -
They are used to a common environment; common sounds and smells. -
Their focus is too big.
Create a magical world in which people can get lost, and they will forget their day-to-day cares and worries, at least for the special times that you are able to create. Enjoy the moment and focus on the little details that make this moment special.
Occupied Mind
Positive:
Keeping the mind occupied on simple tasks will make it less likely to resist suggestions and redirection. Find some simple story or a phone number for people to remember during your discussion, stop the story in the middle and tell them you will get back to it later or ask them to remember the phone number for you cause its important. This will keep the mind occupied on a simple task while you take them down a different path.
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Chose simple tasks that are not opposed by their ethics or beliefs. -
Chose tasks that are memory-related; these have to be repeated in the brain several times before they can be remembered. -
Phone numbers and word problems work best to distract the mind.
Negative:
Do not try to be overly complicated or sophisticated in your delivery –– people will easily get frustrated and their defenses will go up quickly. If the brain-teaser is too simple, it will be remembered easily and the mind will not be sufficiently occupied during the delivery of your important message. You must remember to end the brain teaser in order to cover the tracks of the redirection.
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The distraction is too complicated, so it creates frustration. -
If the distraction is too easy, or if the redirection is not complete, it’s not likely to work. The subject will end up confused and may well be wary when you try it the next time. -
Forgetting to end the distracter.
Create a simple illusion that occupies their minds while you present something else while their guard is down.
These are methods that work for me as an individual, but they may or may not work for you. I hope that this has sparked some ideas of your own that you can apply. Keep in mind that all the information provided is based on experience and is not to be used in any particular manor, either good or bad, but is provided as ideas to approach persuasion and human reactions.
~G
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