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Submission vs. Surrender - 9/5/2005 9:35:20 PM   
Lacey123


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline 		I always thought that submission and surrender were one and the same. Until tonite. I had the wonderful experience of watching a "scene". Both the domme and sub were female. The sub seemed simply "washed away" with emotion - there was so much tenderness, willingness to trust,
compliance with adoration...it was really beautiful. And it made me think about other scenes I have watched (I'm quite the little voyeur) where I never picked up on the difference. Has anyone else suddenly recognized this sort of thing. I know I'm being vague because the concept is so new to me. Surrender is so beautiful. I think I'll spend some time striving as both domme and sub to surrender or be surrendered to. And it had absolutely nothing to do with "sex". Interesting, huh? If you have BDSM and you take away the sex, do you still have BDSM? Smiles...a thought to challenge you from Lacey123.
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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/5/2005 9:38:16 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

If you have BDSM and you take away the sex, do you still have BDSM?


Absolutely. I believe it's what gets you there that matters, not what you do. The motivation behind the actions and behaviors is the core of BDSM. Kinky sex is a bonus.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to Lacey123)
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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/5/2005 10:01:27 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		BDSM and sex are different things, though easily combined.

But it's very good when you simply lose contact and simply surrender to the moment, the emotion, the scene, the connection. I have experienced in in Ds and vanilla situations, it's always pretty awesome.

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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/5/2005 11:34:21 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I know exactly what you mean, and often there is a distinct difference. It's a beautiful thing to give yourself to someone, or accept someone in perfect love and trust. It surpasses the sexual. It's the need for belonging, and fulfilling that need in someone that you care deeply for. It's humanity at its finest.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/5/2005 11:53:05 PM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		Submission is an act from one person to another, or an act for the benefit of another.

Surrender is all about one person breaking through boundaries and immersing themselves wholly into an experience.

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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/6/2005 5:39:50 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

If you have BDSM and you take away the sex, do you still have BDSM?

-----

remove the sex, do you still have bdsm? yes. i am celebate since 2001.

wolf

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"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/6/2005 7:01:26 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Lacey,

Yes you can definetely have BDSM without the sex. In fact that happens a lot more than you might think.

What you witnessed was the total submission of a Sub to a Domme. Many people in the vanilla world would look at this and call it brain-washing but it isn't. This only happens when the Sub totally trusts the Dom(me) and all restraints are removed from their mind. It's closer to true love than brain-washing and a lot more fun to experience. I've had a Sub describe this as something between a euphoric high and an adrenaline rush.

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Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/6/2005 8:13:15 AM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

If you have BDSM and you take away the sex, do you still have BDSM? Smiles...a thought to challenge you


Depends on your definition of BDSM in MHO. D/s, M/s doesnt need sex to survive, to submit, to surrender. But then i do not enjoy publc BDSM events and scenes in dungeons like others do, so i have very limited expereince in this. So it is a new concept to me to have a bottom fully surrender, submit yes.

I have done private sexual and nonsexual scenes wth Doms before finding DaddyMaster. I was a submisive during those scenes, submitting. I persaonlly know the differnce with only my Dom. It is an emotional, spiritual and mental "thing" i never experienced before with any other.

When i scene privately and bottom now, i need to find my head space and can at times literally replace the Dom over me in my head with my Dom, but the style of the top/dom, must be somewhere close to my Dom's. Then i can hit the surrender mode easier.....has happened only once for me. And it scared the shit out of me.....will see what happens tonight, as i bottom for a top/dom whose style is alot like DaddyMaster's.

~~shy

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i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

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....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/6/2005 9:11:06 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Not a challenge - smiles...


Is BDSM - BDSM without Sex?
Yes, it is possible.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Lacey123)
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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/6/2005 9:41:05 AM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, you can have BDSM without the sex. Submission is a frame of mind. Submission can be an emotion.

People spend years trying to find someone who they can just let go with. I have experienced this some time ago and now it is only faint as far as feelings go. But the memory of it, makes me continue the search.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/6/2005 4:02:53 PM   
MrPost


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		Surrendering is a weird thing. It is almost like a psychotic break, but is a good way. All of the sudden one action, look, or feeling and then POW complete change in the person. The ultimate high. Submitting seems to be a more gradual affair as your slowly give internal obedience to someone, no matter what you are physically doing. Hollywood style: Is it love at first sight or a long romance.

MrPost

As to the question of no sex in BDSM, all that would be left is a Big Dildoed Mistress, right???
MrPoser


_____________________________

I groan for the present sorrow. I groan for the sorrow to come. I groan questioning when there shall come a time when He shall ordain a limit to my suffering.
Aeschylus, Prometheus Bound

(in reply to dominmd)
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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/6/2005 4:30:16 PM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

you have BDSM and you take away the sex, do you still have BDSM?


As I have said many a time to questions like this what ever a couple decides is BDSM then it is and no one has the right to say otherwise.

(in reply to Lacey123)
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RE: Submission vs. Surrender - 9/11/2005 9:48:50 AM   
DsrtMyst


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow

Submission is an act from one person to another, or an act for the benefit of another.

Surrender is all about one person breaking through boundaries and immersing themselves wholly into an experience.



This is a crystalization I came to recently in discussing what I see as a main difference between D/s relationships and M/s relationships. My slave surrendered to my ownership in much the same way he surrendered his recovery to his higher power. It is the same way that both of us surrender our control over much of life to the Universe. We're not submitting to someone/thing that is acting on us, we are letting go of the illusion of control and allowing something else to work through us in the moment of experience.

Which, of course, means that dominants/tops/Masters/Goddesses/etc can all surrender to the scene/relationship/moment just as much as the submissives/bottoms/slaves/puppies/etc do :)

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)
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