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This makes me sad !! - 9/5/2005 10:38:57 PM   
bondagebunnie


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: Tennessee
Status: offline 		OK, so my boyfriend and I are just getting into the bondage part of our relationship....we are both very dominant(which can be fun...but not our prob.) my problem is.... we had our first "switch" experiance......i'm usually more of the dominant, but i wanted to be tied up for once....well he tied me up and proceded to do his "thing"......but when it came around to us actually performing sex, he lost "it"......he is extremely horney up to the point, but then in an instant total limpage .... ?!?! Why is this?? Any suggestions?!?
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/5/2005 10:51:44 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bondagebunnie

OK, so my boyfriend and I are just getting into the bondage part of our relationship....we are both very dominant(which can be fun...but not our prob.) my problem is.... we had our first "switch" experiance......i'm usually more of the dominant, but i wanted to be tied up for once....well he tied me up and proceded to do his "thing"......but when it came around to us actually performing sex, he lost "it"......he is extremely horney up to the point, but then in an instant total limpage .... ?!?! Why is this?? Any suggestions?!?

Did you ask him? It might be a million things.

However, it's just an evening of sex that didn't turn out well, not the end of the world. Sometimes scenes just don't work out, specially if you're trying something new. Don't let expectations get too big.

Talk it over with him, ask how he felt and go from there. You didn't have toys he could have fucked you with? Fingers? A guy losing a hard on might not be the greatest thing, but it surely shouldn't ruin the evening for both of you and you shouldn't make him feel bad for it.

(in reply to bondagebunnie)
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/5/2005 10:55:43 PM   
bondagebunnie


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: Tennessee
Status: offline 		After he lost it, I ended up tieing him up and finishing him off..... i t was just unusual b/c this was the first time ever for him . I was thinking more on the lines of it doesn't turn him on to tie me up?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/5/2005 10:58:18 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bondagebunnie

After he lost it, I ended up tieing him up and finishing him off..... i t was just unusual b/c this was the first time ever for him . I was thinking more on the lines of it doesn't turn him on to tie me up?

Why aren't you asking him? A man losing his hard on could be from a thousand things.

(in reply to bondagebunnie)
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/5/2005 10:58:29 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Sometimes it just happens dispite the situation or the position. So he was ready to give it to you and all of a sudden . There are many situations for the reason. Anyhow, I'll touch base on a few.

1. He was already hard for a while. In this case, he was hard long enough for his penis to decide and go back to normal to regain blood flow. He should have stuck it in earlier. If you're all bound up, he can just go sit on the couch and watch TV for a little bit. After all, you aren't going anywheres.

2. Mental Status. Out of curiosity, was this the first time having him being the Dom/Sadist during intercourse? When certain routines are established, it's possible for a guy to only respond or have orgasims in certain positions and situations. Maybe he has to be dominating to get head and then be whiped to give it to you. Even in vanilla sex, some guys have to start off being on top but have the women on top or be in a doggie style position to have the orgasim. Somthing off base with positions and routines causes the body to stop. But later on the person can get use to it with repatition and trying.

3. If he goes limp while you're all tied up, see about giving oral or maybe you need to talk dirty to him. You may need to assume control in a Top from Bottom situation to keep him aroused. Have him calm down and relax. Messaging oral may do the trick to get him ready to fuck you.

Let me know if this advice works. If not, send me a PM on my collarme account and I'll put on the ole thinking cap.

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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/5/2005 11:30:36 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Though it could be nearly anything, it sounds like maybe he truly enjoys being a sub more, or he's just used to bottoming. I don't think it's that it doesn't turn him on to tie you up, as much as it is that he's accustomed to being the one that's tied up. If he's unaccustomed (in the recent past) to being the top, maybe it was just the shock of doing things differently. Just an idea.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to bondagebunnie)
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/6/2005 6:54:47 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like his interest in the scene just waned. Don't give up. Talk to him and try it again.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to bondagebunnie)
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/6/2005 9:47:25 AM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Talk to him. He may feel even worse than you do having that happen. Us guys have feelings too, just like our female counterparts. Sit him down, embrace him, talk to him. The only bad thing to do, is doing nothing.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/7/2005 5:04:12 PM   
Blk4u2


Posts: 45
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline 		Communication is key. As you've read it could be anything. I lost it once in the middle of a great session, and felt so embarassed. I was drinking heavier than I normally do socially, and I found out that's what did it. I maintained my composure, and had
her lay there cuffed for awhile. I contemplated what had happened and after awhile had her perform on me orally to help me get aroused. didn't work out, so we ended teh session. Later that night when the alcohol wore off, it was on again.

(in reply to dominmd)
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/9/2005 9:30:46 PM   
OMEGA2WEREWOLF


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bondagebunnie

OK, so my boyfriend and I are just getting into the bondage part of our relationship....we are both very dominant(which can be fun...but not our prob.) my problem is.... we had our first "switch" experiance......i'm usually more of the dominant, but i wanted to be tied up for once....well he tied me up and proceded to do his "thing"......but when it came around to us actually performing sex, he lost "it"......he is extremely horney up to the point, but then in an instant total limpage .... ?!?! Why is this?? Any suggestions?!?


Two possibilities spring to my mind. The first, and most likely, in my opinion, is that his BDSM dynamic went from bottom to Top...he may not be wired to be a Toppy Bondage Dom and this contributed to his inability to maintain an erection.

The second, although a bit less likely since you've engaged in Bondage before with him as the bottom, is that Bondage can create some rather drastic changes in skin color...redness around the bindings, blueness or purple coloration around the binds...could something like this have freaked him out and destroyed his ability to concentrate?

As mentioned before, your best option is communication with him to determine what the probable cause was...if alcohol was consumed before the scene it could have been a simple case of "whiskey dick."

Brightest blessings to you all and I luff ya.
Omega, instigator of play...aka Daddy Wolf.

_____________________________

The way you walk is thorny, through no fault of your own...
The Gypsy Maleva from the movie "The Wolf Man"

Daddy Wolf is on the hunt...wanna play?

Mary Jane shoes, hair cut in bangs...these are two of my favorite things.

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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/10/2005 1:03:09 PM   
FootBottom


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I was thinking more on the lines of it doesn't turn him on to tie me up?


I agree with this 100%. I have had a similar situation - I can only perform well after playing the bottom role.

(in reply to OMEGA2WEREWOLF)
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/10/2005 1:08:32 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Any man who claims NEVER to have lost his hard-on in the middle of sex is a liar. (Edited to add: Or a virgin.)

Just yesterday I got a nasty tooth mark in my cock and went limp instantly. (Her loss though--she didn't get fucked.)

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 9/10/2005 1:09:04 PM >

(in reply to bondagebunnie)
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RE: This makes me sad !! - 9/10/2005 4:25:56 PM   
Delvin


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		as posted earlier, could be a million things :)

thought came in...bills, stress, who knows, he may not even know... remember not to make TOO big a deal over this, unless this is a more and more common accurance, then look at any medication, emotional feelings, sadness so on, minor depression.

Anything "traumatic" lately in his life, job change, friend/family loss ?, just moved ?....

Again, as posted by others, communicate, talk if it bothers you, it most certainly bothers him.

D

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 13
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