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Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 7:58:07 AM   
MissViolet72


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Carlisle/Manchester
Status: offline 		It seems that i may have to give up my search for a submissive....which i don't want to do! I am not bothered if they are male or female, it helps if they are easy on the eye but its not top of my list of requirements. I am looking for a person who has a 'spark' about them. Who isn't afraid to tell me if they are unhappy, someone who i can have a friendship with inside and outside of play. A person who i get get to know and they can get to know me so that we can trust each other. So why is it that so far (mainly men i hate to add) that every person who has contacted me so far(on here) has blatantly trolled me? I have had people ask me if they can pay me to piss on them, ask if i will have sex them, ask if i will be their mistress all in the line following 'hi'. I actually find this deeply offensive that anyone would see me as a flogger service on legs, not caring who or what i am ......as long as i have a pulse. I want to get to know a person, friends initially, so why is it that submissives so far are not affording me the respect that i would have for them? Or everything is going great, then they start time wasting and making excuses, or i find out they have a partner which in my profile have i stated i am not interested in this scenario -unless their partner knows. Is anyone else having this problem?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 8:38:51 AM   
Zolady


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/27/2005
From: Belgium
Status: offline 		Bonjour Miss violet !
Reading your letter brings me echo....
Yes ..waht you say is what I experienced ,and waht a majority of dom-ladies experinec.
I believ that men make compartiments in their lives and also are very egoist!
it takes a man who express his YING and YANG without complex (not travestisme) his femeinine side to be able to create a profound full non compartiment relation...
My Englihs writting is bad ,hoping you catch what I mean
in general men stereotype and compartiment not like women who felle and see life as a whole!

but I wish you to be understiood and that a real authentic slave will love to be at your fette at the same time your tender complice and friend !
Merci
aurevoir Violet.
zolady

_____________________________

French-Belgium lady 57years old ,round free no tabou,loving nature ,animals ,and culture,non smoker and non drinker would love to have a chevalier servant servile serviable at my feet!
for a lasting true relationship.

(in reply to MissViolet72)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 8:44:57 AM   
Nuke718


Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		MissViolet,

From what I have seen on this board, andinferences in the DOmmes I have spoken with I gather the problem is not isolated to you. I recomend the Delete and Block features for such offensive folks. There are plenty of folks who view BDsM sites as a way to get sex from us easy freaks who have no standards or interests. SOme even look at us as an untapped ATM.

So with that said, I can't promise it will get better soon, BUT there are a lot of real people here. Connecting sith somebody who compliments your nilla and kink worlds is hard on us all.

I am sorry to hear about your troubles, and wish you good luck in the future.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to Zolady)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 8:47:03 AM   
rwmbk


Posts: 43
Status: offline
quote:

friends initially


That seems to be a concept that most people i've encountered don't want to do. i'm not sure how anyone can expect to build any kind of trust, without sharing at least a little bit about themself.

i'm not sure how long you have been looking, but i wouldn't recommend giving up.

(in reply to MissViolet72)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 8:51:15 AM   
iamdownonmyknees


Posts: 93
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Durham NC USA
Status: offline 		The disrespectful, overly needy male 'submissives' make it harder for people on my end of the equation I fear.

I wasn't even looking for a dominant when she came into my life.

I was at a despairing time when I'd discovered that my lover of many years had become a crack addict. Probably the worst period of my life.

Then we met, talked. Talked lots more. Clicked.

Now I have someone with whom I share affection and love and who puts me in a collar and enjoys using her whips.

It is hard in vanilla life to find a decent partner. Many people establish relationships full of unhealthy compromises. I think that may (can't be really sure) less likely to have in a relationship that includes exerting and accepting authority.

Best of luck,
Richard



_____________________________

Down On My Knees & Sensual Sadist

(in reply to MissViolet72)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 10:20:30 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissViolet72

<snip..of everything I have experienced as well>

Is anyone else having this problem?


Unfortunately, yes!

I am so tired of just being a "Domme," and not a person...a lady with her own needs, desires, interests and life to share. <When did a Domme/Top become someone to use and abuse?>

I've actually chosen to GO vanilla. I'm dating vanilla now, as I've spent enough wasted time trying to find a bottom man that has more interest in me, over what I can "do" for him. I look forward to enjoying a man that cares for me as a "person"...not just as a "Top."

I also seek a spark, or at least a flutter, with the man I'm with, and desire a lover, not a casual playmate alone.

If not attracted to the man...I'm wasting my time, and realize that that attraction will not develop over time. If it's not there...it's not there. And if he's not attracted to me, or even cares to show a minimum of interest in me, as a lady...we're both wasting our time.

A few play interests does not build a relationship.

Playmates are a dime a dozen. Where are the real men? <rhetorical question >

K

(in reply to MissViolet72)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 11:10:17 AM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, my dear dear MissViolet,

Welcome to the world of the online alternate lifestyle! I was lucky to be involved in a local support group that helped me through this very same type of difficulty, when I first started out.

You are going to run into this type, no matter where you seek partnership. The "do me" subs (or, as I term them "needy-greedy bottoms") can certainly spoil your taste for this. However, there really are a couple (maybe just the two!) sincere, considerate males out here with whom you can find a decent connection. In the following thread, you can read that you are, indeed, not alone in your disappointment: http://www.collarchat.com/Femdoms_can%27t_find_a_decent_male_partner/m_129442/tm.htm

Hope it helps a little.

Patience and humor are key to pursuing your partner in this lifestyle. (along with the "delete" and "block" buttons!) I have alternated responses to that type of idiot between none (delete/block), a fiery slash-to-kill response (keep/block), and very kind "you've got the wrong idea, good luck in your search" response. It's all dependent upon the approach and whether I perceive the mail to be deliberately insulting, egoistic or merely confuddled.

Oh, good luck!

QueenRah





_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to MissViolet72)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 11:21:53 AM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		I meant to add this:

It also doesn't hurt to make your profile more readable. The very bright, neon fuchsia background may be a tad off-putting to the more sane who may come to have a look at you. It about killed me! Also, you have provided a very extensive list of interests. That, in itself, is not necessarily problematic, as it advises petitioners as to part of your kink makeup. However, it can also serve to provide fodder for already over-stimulated, self-centered fantasies of those who are unacceptable to you.

Perhaps you would consider reading other Ladies' profiles and see what might work or not work for you. I have continually updated my profile, in response to what I felt was a need to clarify, and in reading others' profiles. These have taught me some of the pitfalls I might have endured, but for their experience.

Unfortunately, humans are essentially stupid. One must lead them by the hand, tie their shoelaces and even wipe their bums for them, so to speak. The more specific you are, the more likely you are going to be able to avoid the dimwits. Not all, mind you, but most.

I have found that one must accept the occasional "petition" which has been sent with blatant disregard for my requirements. See post above.

QueenRah

_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to QueenRah)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 11:23:11 AM   
MistressGrace07


Posts: 100
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		as My father used to say to find gold.. you have to move a lot of dirt.

_____________________________

My Journal

"Let me make this as monosyllabic as possible" - Captain Amelia in "Treasure Planet"


(in reply to MissViolet72)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 11:36:20 AM   
bimoul


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissViolet72

It seems that i may have to give up my search for a submissive....which i don't want to do! I am not bothered if they are male or female, it helps if they are easy on the eye but its not top of my list of requirements. I am looking for a person who has a 'spark' about them. Who isn't afraid to tell me if they are unhappy, someone who i can have a friendship with inside and outside of play. A person who i get get to know and they can get to know me so that we can trust each other. So why is it that so far (mainly men i hate to add) that every person who has contacted me so far(on here) has blatantly trolled me? I have had people ask me if they can pay me to piss on them, ask if i will have sex them, ask if i will be their mistress all in the line following 'hi'. I actually find this deeply offensive that anyone would see me as a flogger service on legs, not caring who or what i am ......as long as i have a pulse. I want to get to know a person, friends initially, so why is it that submissives so far are not affording me the respect that i would have for them? Or everything is going great, then they start time wasting and making excuses, or i find out they have a partner which in my profile have i stated i am not interested in this scenario -unless their partner knows. Is anyone else having this problem?


Interesting post.... Being one of the subbys who has contacted you stating simply 'hi, etc, a little info about me and requesting if you wanna chat some time then drop me a line' and then not having a reply from you simply stating ' thanks for contacting me however you are not what i am seeking', its an interesting post. Perhaps my profile needs a little work who knows.... anybody wanna give me some structured criticism on how I can make it a little more approachable, It would be info. greatly received.. TY

(in reply to MissViolet72)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 12:19:51 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		MissViolet, i am sorry you have not found what you are looking for, there are many pepole out there vanialla or no that want only sex, and see a woman simply as a sex toy, she be Dominant or no Dominant she is a set of sexual articels that walk and talk, but dont give up, there are many pepole that are out there that would be right for you. i had a quik look at your profile and you seam like a werry nice lady, i am sure you will eventualy find your dream sub.

bimoul perhaps the OP simply forgot your mail, somtimes it is hard to spot the positive in all the negative.

(in reply to bimoul)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 12:20:14 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressGrace07

as My father used to say to find gold.. you have to move a lot of dirt.

quote:

as My father used to say to find gold.. you have to move a lot of dirt.



LOL, that reminded me of the optimistic little boy who was sent to the stall to shovel manure everyday. When asked, why he was so happy shoveling shiat he replied "Cause sooner or later I'm going to find the pony."


There is manure throughout cyber space, but eventually, with patience, we can all find our pony!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to MistressGrace07)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 12:23:32 PM   
butterflydame


Posts: 43
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		You are certainly not the only one.

Realistically, there are around 3-4 (maybe more) male submissives on this site to every domme. Unfortunately the way some of them initiate contact is offensive... but there will always be people in the world like that. On a site like this you have contact to a whole lot more people than you normally would. Therefore the amount of offensive actions and material you have the odds of receiving is much higher

It gets hard to look past all this and know that you'll find a jewel once you dig long enough. It does happen... but it may take 50 - 100+ to find one. I have had a lot of contact through out the last several months I have been on here, and a lot of the time it really is disheartening. I have stuck with it, and along the way I have come across some really great people. A few months ago I was close to just calling it quits here and stop looking because of everything you have stated here.

I didn't give up, and I am so glad I didn't. I ran into one of the many wonderful submissives on this site.

If I had given up... well I doubt I would have found someone who can add as much happiness to my life as he does.

(in reply to MissViolet72)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 2:21:18 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		First of all, most people don't paya ttention to the profile. Bimoul if she says you're not what she's looking for you probably didn't pay through attention to what she said. Or probably something in your own profile she found dis interesting. I read it and personally didn't see anything of interest to myself.

Ms violet you do say you seek play partners if they get to know you. I'd take that out. Any time you mention you hope to eventually play, all they'll see is to play

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 9/6/2005 2:27:40 PM >

(in reply to bimoul)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 3:38:12 PM   
bimoul


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline 		Please re-read my answer , it says thats SHE did not reply, not that she replied saying such a thing.

Ok my profile sucks, but hey, its honest and clearly states that ppl can ask what the hell they wanna and im only to happy to answer or at least go into further detail.



quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

First of all, most people don't paya ttention to the profile. Bimoul if she says you're not what she's looking for you probably didn't pay through attention to what she said. Or probably something in your own profile she found dis interesting. I read it and personally didn't see anything of interest to myself.

Ms violet you do say you seek play partners if they get to know you. I'd take that out. Any time you mention you hope to eventually play, all they'll see is to play

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 3:50:54 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Actually, Bimoul, your profile doesn't suck. Your tone is open, you say what you like outside bdsm, and you say what you are looking for without sounding like an utter berk. Get out to a munch!


Ms Violet, join the ranks of the Disgruntled Dommes! There's another thread about Worst Rejections that might amuse you..........

Ms Francine


(in reply to bimoul)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 3:51:52 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i think that many of these female Dominants drown in mail and it is not easy to answer all of them.

(in reply to bimoul)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 3:53:27 PM   
bimoul


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline 		**giggles like a school girl **

Thanks LH, Ill look out for tha thread sometime soon, midnight here in the UK so I best get off before I turn into a pumpkin or worse.

Least Ill toddle off to bed smiling,, was beginning to lose face with this site as a whole..

bye for now ppl..

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Actually, Bimoul, your profile doesn't suck. Your tone is open, you say what you like outside bdsm, and you say what you are looking for without sounding like an utter berk. Get out to a munch!


Ms Violet, join the ranks of the Disgruntled Dommes! There's another thread about Worst Rejections that might amuse you..........

Ms Francine



(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 4:06:32 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Ok my profile sucks, but hey, its honest and clearly states that ppl can ask what the hell they wanna and im only to happy to answer or at least go into further detail.
For what it's worth Bimoul, I don't think your profile sucks at all. I especially like the missing laundrylist of kinks that usually scares me away (when subs have all kinks listed as interests just sounds too much for moi).
Welcome to the boards. Stick around, you'll learn a lot (I have). M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to bimoul)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Totally Offensive! - 9/6/2005 9:27:00 PM   
Arrow782001


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline 		Hello,
I had to throw my two cents in. I am just coming to terms with being sub AND being TV. I would die to find a woman who would treat me with respect, kindness, love, decency, fondness, understanding etc. It isn't you Miss Violet, or any other Mistresses. It is the shameful way people have treated the lifestyle, and most of the "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme" wannabes who treat this as a masturbation session (Sorry to be blunt, but, that is what is ruining it for people like me).In my mind, I feel as though there is no greater calling than to be sub for a gentle, kind, loving woman who would understand that what I am is not a toy to be played with. There are real men out there Ma'am. Finding them........Well, thats the difficult part, as it is for someone like me who only wishes to be desired because I am sub, and cherished, because I am real, and honest about who I am. Not called faggot, queer, etc. I am sorry you had to go through this, but there are real people around who would love to find a woman like you. (I happen to be one of them :) )

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 20
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