Am I a Do-me sub? (Full Version)

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Beatmehrdr -> Am I a Do-me sub? (9/6/2005 2:32:11 PM)

I'm a bit of a newbie here, and I've been reading about Dommes complaining a lot about "do me" subs. Now, I've done very little corresponding with Dommes on this site. I've contacted a couple, and built two pieces of dungeon furniture over a weekend for one about 3 hours from my house(I was very lucky in connecting with her), and we played when I wasn't building her furniture. For any kind of ongoing relationship, though, the distance was just too far for me, and I'm not really ready for a collar.

Basically, the reason why I'm concerned is that it seems that the bulk of the Dommes here want a long term relationship, and I'm not sure I can provide that. That isn't to say that I don't want to serve. I'm willing to do all sorts of handiwork, light plumbing, carpentry, computer work, etc to make a Domme's life easier(I don't do housekeeping--not that I wouldn't do it if called to do it, but because I suck at it, and the whole point is to make her happy). It is just that a long term relationship, leading to a collar is a bit more than I'm ready to handle, and I'd rather submit on a more casual short-term or day to day basis. I do love to be played with, but I wouldn't feel right about it unless I did something to make her happy first. I don't think I'm service oriented, more that if she is going to give me her attention, the least I can do is use my labor to make her happy.

So, if I approach a Domme writing something similar to what I just wrote, will I be tossed off as a do-me sub? A gem? Or something in between?



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Am I a Do-me sub? (9/6/2005 3:03:16 PM)

An honest and fair question.
With a screen identity that seems to mean "beat me harder", that might come off to some as "do me...do me!" But there will always be those who jump to a conclusion. I see your profile is still pending, but you joined the site a couple of weeks ago.
First a couple of questions.
Are you already updating your info, or are you just now getting to the profile portion?
How are you getting the impression that all the Dommes are seeking long term relationships? Are you drawing this conclusion from reading profiles or have you been lurking at the messge boards?
The best thing to do is be honest, and read profiles carefully. Don't write to a Domina who is seeking long term live-in slaves, and try to insist that you have great handyman capabilities and you will do such and such if She will do thus and so. That makes you a "do me" in My mind. In a sense, all you are doing, by your own admission, is paying to be serviced in a manner you desire with some sort of work rather than cash. Cash will allow a Domina to pay whomever She chooses for the necessities of handywork or housekeeping, rather than supervising you and, perhaps, not being very satisfied with the finished product.
Are you strictly in it for the sensation of play? And learning the ins and out and your limits? Even if you say you are a lousy housekeeper, are you willing to learn? Are you willing to show the respect and perhaps even learn some preferred ritual of a Domina? Are you willing to be submissive in more ways than one? Or do you just want to bottom, and your guilt causes you to offer some sort of payment in exchange for the Domina's disciplinary time? No need for guilt, but sounds like you have a need to be in a tit-for tat situation...and that's a control issue.
You have already answered your own question, to a certan extent. You say you have already made a peice of furniture, and you are commuting to a Domina about 3 hours away, and she is playing with you in exchange. Where there is one, there are others. Just be careful and respectful of who you approach.
Most of Us prefer some sort of emotional investment, even if it's not live-in, or with a contract. We like to feel that We are special to you, and you have chosen Us for a reason. I have an impression that this Lady is a bit far away, and you are willing to do whatever work is acceptable to both you and Her in exchange for playtime. I would not feel very good, personally, if I took time with a boy, and then he suddenly faded away because someone else was more convenient.
Just a little food for thought, and welcome to the boards.



MistressGrace07 -> RE: Am I a Do-me sub? (9/6/2005 3:09:07 PM)

I HAVE to show the poem one of the boys I spank wrote for Me after complaining that I wasn't a VENDING MACHINE Domme...

Domme Vending Machine

Candy, snacks, drinks and their fee,
press the buttons, you get what you see.

Wouldn't it be, sub's ultimate dream,
if we could have a Domme vending machine?

Press F4 and get flogged for a spell,
press F10 for the flogging from Hell.

For Sensuous Domme, press M 8,
She will help you to masturbate.

Feeling sassy, just press C D,
you be taken on a clothes shopping spree.

After care, sorry, we're out,
how 'bout a caning to wipe off that pout.

So many flavors I can't decide,
press OTK to redden your backside.

There's a picture with eyes that looks me clear
through,
the decision is easy, I will press I M 4 U.

SG



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Am I a Do-me sub? (9/6/2005 3:41:36 PM)

That is adorable!!

I think Dusty said it all pretty well, so I'll try not to reiterate.

Exploration is the best part of being new to the scene! I think it's important that you talk to a lot of people, and hear their ideas, get out and play, and discover your likes and dislikes. I'm glad that you say right out front that you are not ready for a collar. The collar is some kind of holy grail of the post-internet scene.

I am not sure that all dommes are looking for a LTR. In my other profile, I make it pretty clear that I am only looking for a reliable party date. I suppose the word "reliable" implies long term! What I, and many women, want is someone that will make their investment of time, skill, and energy worthwhile. Not someone who will disappear when someone more convenient, more beautiful, or more whatever comes along.

I have had more than a few subs approach me as if they are doing me a favor by offering to let me play with them. THAT is what a do-me sub does. I think that by questioning your own behavior, you are on the path of not becoming one of those.

Ms Francine



iamdownonmyknees -> RE: Am I a Do-me sub? (9/6/2005 3:54:16 PM)

Just be honest, is the cliché. It is a fair one.

I am not cut out to be a lifestyle slave.

Many men aren’t. They want scenes or sessions. There are women who want the same.

I’m in a very romantic relationship that includes D/s. When we were first talking it wasn’t clear what we each needed, wanted or how it would go.

I did feel the need to communicate to her what I wanted. But without seeming demanding. Not that there’s anything wrong with being plainspoken. But I wanted to state it indirectly. My Southern boy’s idea of politeness.

I put up a checklist of BDSM practices on a webpage, noting my affinity or inability to handle each. Later I wrote some short stories exploring both my fantasies and hers. She could look at them on the web without feeling a need to say anything unless one struck her strongly one-way or another. It seemed like a very civil way of negotiating.

And it is very much about negotiating. Your conversations may show each of you that you can never be compatible.

While a person, a woman is waiting for the partner she wants to be a permanent part of her life it doesn’t mean that she isn’t willing to do things with a man if he his respectful and communicative.

Dominance and submission mean different things to each of us as individuals. If you need some specific thing done to you then just be upfront about it in your profile. As long as you are honest and well mannered I can’t see any sane objection to it.

Best of luck in your own search,
Richard



Beatmehrdr -> RE: Am I a Do-me sub? (9/6/2005 4:57:52 PM)

quote:


First a couple of questions.
Are you already updating your info, or are you just now getting to the profile portion?
How are you getting the impression that all the Dommes are seeking long term relationships? Are you drawing this conclusion from reading profiles or have you been lurking at the messge boards?

Well, I just updated it. Here is my pending profile:
quote:

(I never know how to write these things, so bear with me)

Male Sub/Slave seeks Femme Domme for play, maybe casual relationship outside of play as well. I enjoy most types of play and have been called a fairly heavy player(though, to be honest, I probably don't have the limits I had a few years ago, but given time and repeated beatings, that could change ;)

I am in better physical shape than the numbers would suggest. I work out at the gym daily, and bike ride up to 60 miles/wk.

For Dommes who like their subs useful, I'm good at handyman type stuff, light carpentry, plumbing and electrical work, and am a hard core computer techie as well, and have built some dungeon furniture, for those who might want that.

Outside the dungeon, I like boating bike riding, and tinkering around with stuff in general.




quote:

Are you strictly in it for the sensation of play? And learning the ins and out and your limits? Even if you say you are a lousy housekeeper, are you willing to learn?


I guess I could learn to be a good housekeeper. The main obstacle is that I would want her to be happy with whatever I did. That is why I don't include it on a profile. If she enjoys watching me do housework, I'd guess I'd do it. I only include the things I do best, because I want her to be happy with the work I do.

quote:

Are you willing to show the respect and perhaps even learn some preferred ritual of a Domina? Are you willing to be submissive in more ways than one?

Absolutely. Not even a question. I know my soft limits, and my hard limits, and to me, it is extremely important that I am taken where the Domme wants me to go, and not simply get rid of a jonesing for some torture.

quote:


Or do you just want to bottom, and your guilt causes you to offer some sort of payment in exchange for the Domina's disciplinary time? No need for guilt, but sounds like you have a need to be in a tit-for tat situation...and that's a control issue.

It's more an honor thing. She would be taking me on a wild endorphin and adrenaline laced ride, tying my emotions and sensations up into a ball, and playing with them like a cat with a ball of yarn. I would feel ashamed if I didn't do what I could to make her happy, to reciprocate in the best way I know how. In fact, if I committed to doing something for a Domme, and she didn't play with me AT ALL, I'd still do the tasks I had committed to. I made a commitment, and I would do my best to fulfill it. I've read enough complaints from Dommes about subs who don't follow through. It is my intent to be just the opposite of them.

quote:


Most of Us prefer some sort of emotional investment, even if it's not live-in, or with a contract. We like to feel that We are special to you, and you have chosen Us for a reason. I have an impression that this Lady is a bit far away, and you are willing to do whatever work is acceptable to both you and Her in exchange for playtime. I would not feel very good, personally, if I took time with a boy, and then he suddenly faded away because someone else was more convenient.

That's true, and I understand your point. But distance does play a role, and plenty of Domme's profiles state as much. While I'm not married, I can't stay overnight at her house, nor could she stay overnight at mine. It just would be too difficult(I don't live alone). At that distance, even submitting to her once a month would be difficult. I'd much rather be devoting my time to the Domme, getting to know her, and making her happy, than biding time on the Connecticut Turnpike, and knowing that after showing up, I'd have to turn around and head back in an hour or two. If I'm driving an hour or less, I know that I can spend more time with her when I'm there, I can serve her more often, without having to clear an entire day weeks in advance, and without feeling like I've been forced to choose between my vanilla life and BDSM, and coming up wanting in both.

And it isn't that I don't have an appreciation for Dommes. I do, very, very much. I almost always bring flowers, and I try to find out what she likes and surprise her with a small gift when I can. I want her to be happy. I built a set of wooden thumbcuffs for a Domme simply because she brought me out of my shell online. She never asked for anything from me, and I'm probably never going to see her or meet her r/t. I did it simply as my way of saying "thank you".



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Am I a Do-me sub? (9/6/2005 5:53:34 PM)

Sounds like you are on the right track. Just be patient and I am sure good things will be happening!



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