RE: My Neighbor's TV (Full Version)

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pinkpleasures -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/7/2005 4:58:38 PM)

quote:

But I realized something. You can make all the sense in the world. The unassailable fact that if a person is dishonest, then they are not trustworthy will stand forever. It can not be successfully denied, it can not be torn down. At the same time, the people who wear blinders by virtue of their own choice will continue to wear those blinders and ignore this plain, unassailable logic.

The people who want to watch that tv more than they want to be honest will keep on sneakin' over there an' spillin' beer on the poor neighbor's carpet and keep right on smiling and waving to him like he's their best buddy whenever he's back in town. I dunno how they sleep and look in the mirror. Ya gotta ask them.

Those who value integrity, forthrightness, morality..... we take note and we pick our friends. And we speak up. Just as you're doing now.

I haven't heard, but as far as I know - that group is alive and well and cheating their brains out every weekend.

MemphiDsCouple


What is more precious than gold? What makes a man or woman truely wealthy? Honesty, integrity, honor. Their friends treasure them. Gold cannot replace love and respect and trust well-placed.

pinkpleasures



WickedKev -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/7/2005 5:01:24 PM)

quote:

My my my...and so it continues. And all I wanted was to know was how to contact my satellite company in case I lost my picture.


Best bet is to make sure your current satilite company knows where you are but I gather you are going to be with another satilite company so this isn't an option. So the best bet is to let you current satilite company think your actually looking into a new phone company then you can give your satilite company information to keep your options safegaurded while you try out the 150 new extra channels for free. And I hope those new channels have something worthwhile on them for you. >:)



Aileen68 -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/7/2005 5:01:35 PM)

What if somebody said to you that you can't have what you truly desire...what really makes you excited and gets your heart racing...that you can't have it with the person in your life that you love. Do you sacrifice forever for that love and always in a way feel unfulfilled. Do you just go through the motions of happiness? Or do you find a way to keep that love and satisfy your needs at the same time...it's either that or lose the love. It's a lousy choice. no win for me.



LadyJC -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/7/2005 7:50:10 PM)

I had a male submissive who wanted to spend time with me. I asked him if he was married and where he could've lied he said yes. I asked him nicely if she knew about his lifestyle choices he said no. I then explained to him that I would not have anything to do with being his dom. She has to know, he explained to me that every time he tried to talk about it to her she'd flip out.
He literally started to beg with me and I felt it was too dishonest to carry a D/s relationship with someone who was married and didn't know.
However if she did know I would consider meeting her and discussing it with her.
In fact I know a couple who are both dominant and they have their own submissives outside of the marriage. It can be worked out but I feel it is dishonest not to tell your partner what you have the need for.
You must think of the other end of it, no using a tv here. But how would you feel if you were that person going away all the time, and your neighbour kept sneaking in to watch your tv, drink your beer, with out asking your permission? I would personally feel betrayed my neighbour did that. Same thing if my partner snuck around trying to find a Dom or sub.
LadyJC



mantis65 -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/7/2005 10:39:52 PM)

Tell them you had to come over and watch the tv so know one breaks in and steals it.
If evil doers seeset that big tv on they will know someone is home
That way you are doing them a favor

When in doubt rationalize the sin into a good deed

I am kidding but I bet most people that that want to do something unethical just need a good enough excuse to justify their goal.



Gauge -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/7/2005 11:21:07 PM)

I think that the TV in this example was abused. TV abuse is a serious problem. I have seen TVs with duct tape holding knobs on. Vice grips used as knobs. Cracked screens and broken antennas. I have also seen TVs abandoned on the sidewalk like common trash. This is a blight on our society. I would like to point you to a website www.tvabuse.com where you can learn more. [8D]

Seriously, if vows are to be believed when we get married and people take the traditional vows, then running around behind ones spouse is wrong. Poly people agree on their lifestyle choices. If you want to run around, have at it, but don't ask me to participate in it.



NakedOnMyChain -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/8/2005 12:29:12 AM)

I give it an "A" for analogy. I'm not big on cheaters, unless it has both spouses total agreement. But then it's not really cheating. However, I'll swallow my personal beliefs for a second; if she's consenting (the TV, of course) I can see how someone would think twice. It makes the situation a bit more tolerable....not to me, but oh well. I suppose I've just never really been able to stomach someone that would intentionally hurt someone they should love. In the immortal words of my friend, Derek, "Never stick your dick in another man's rhubarb."



darkinshadows -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/8/2005 2:06:37 AM)

Is never eating rhubarb crumble again....



LadyJC -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/8/2005 7:39:39 AM)

rhubarb crumble? Yuck



WickedKev -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/8/2005 9:25:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

What if somebody said to you that you can't have what you truly desire...what really makes you excited and gets your heart racing...that you can't have it with the person in your life that you love. Do you sacrifice forever for that love and always in a way feel unfulfilled. Do you just go through the motions of happiness? Or do you find a way to keep that love and satisfy your needs at the same time...it's either that or lose the love. It's a lousy choice. no win for me.



Hey I am your side, you will not get any judgement from me. You have to follow your heart an I hope you find all that you want for yourself. WK



LadiesBladewing -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/8/2005 4:54:34 PM)

For all that I was very "tongue-in-cheek", I was also completely serious. If you respect someone enough to be in and stay in a relationship with them, it seems self-evident that you would love them and respect them enough to tell them about the trouble that you are having in getting your needs met in the relationship, and figure out a way to have those needs met. I am poly by nature. I understand that other people may not be, but cheating because they can't bring themselves to discuss their needs with their mate and the person that they claim to love (or if the lover refuses to hear and try to help find a solution to hir mate's unmet needs), is not a solution.

We have a responsibility to ourselves, to those we enter into relationships with, and to those who look to us as role models, to be honest with ourselves and those whom we love. No matter how humorously presented, this holds true in the most classic of vanilla relationships, and in the most torrid of blackberry-dark-chocolate-brandy relationships. The biggest loser when we lie and cheat is ourselves--though others' pain may be more visible, we destroy a part of ourselves when we know that we are living dishonestly--and regaining our -own- trust may be more difficult than recovering the trust of others.

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Okay, maybe you'll take this problem more seriously.

I just need to experience the joys of vanilla sex. I've heard it can be VERY exciting and strangely fulfilling in some strange way. I've discussed this with my slave and although she's tried to provide vanilla sex, it's just not good. she really doesn't have her heart in it.

Do you think I should find a vanilla woman behind her back or should I involve her in the process of finding one? I already know it doesn't matter if the vanilla woman is married or not.

"EM"



IronBear -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/8/2005 6:41:36 PM)

I have a simple solution which is good for both my Wife/free Companion and I, but may not be good for others. First we have an up front relationship with no secrets (unless its a nice suprice)... "If you have an itch, scratch it. But tell me first so I dont hear it second hand." Now there is a 30 year age difference betwen us which tends to mean that our individual sex drives are not always in sync. With me being diabetic and smoking, blood curculation, or the lack of good circulation plays a part and causes erectile dysfunction. That is one of the reasons I am, happy to have a kajirus about so she has her fun times and is not missing out in that part. Its all out in the open so we dont have problems.. Easy how honesty can work isn't it? Do I get paranoid about loosing her and our relationship falling apart? At times, it took three marriages to find my lady, so I've been down that track before. Life evolves and with each challange I find a way to manage, learn and progress. In the end we are all alone.



FLButtSlut -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/8/2005 7:49:51 PM)

Mercnbeth,

I only know of you what I have read here, and when I read things from you I learn, sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. From a previous post I got an explanation of how the concept of "no limits" could work, with love, mutual respect and tons of communication. There have been countless posts on the "neighbor's tv" and much debate. Never have I seen it presented as you have done here.

If your partner is aware and consenting of you "stepping out" on them to meet whatever needs and there is honesty all around, while I wouldn't want to be involved with you, I can see where it isn't the same as standard cheating, more of an open relationship.

If you love someone and they can't meet your needs, and you have tried to discuss it with them, and there can not be a compromise, then yes, you make a choice which is more important to you. How many things does a mother give up for the love of her child? Love is sometimes about making sacrifices, and giving up things for the benefit of the relationship. But no relationship can really grow when it is based in dishonesty. So the "wandering" partner is not being honest to the one at home and not to the one on the side. There are no valid reasons for doing.

Mercnbeth, I think you give up to those of us still searching that the right "one" is out there and that if we are patient, if we communicate and if we are HONEST, we can find that same fulfillment and happiness. Thank you for that.



subcheryl -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/9/2005 9:12:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

What if somebody said to you that you can't have what you truly desire...what really makes you excited and gets your heart racing...that you can't have it with the person in your life that you love. Do you sacrifice forever for that love and always in a way feel unfulfilled. Do you just go through the motions of happiness? Or do you find a way to keep that love and satisfy your needs at the same time...it's either that or lose the love. It's a lousy choice. no win for me.




Aileen68, In a round about way I was in the same position that you are in, but in a vanilla relationship of marriage for 16 yrs. I realized that my husband was not providing what I needed to really feel fulfilled, loved, supported, and felt he wasn't really giving as much as I was giving, so what did I do? It was a very hard choice to make since I had 4 young boys to consider in the solution also. But in the end I choose to leave him and get my life together than seek the one who would fulfill the needs of my heart, it wasn't easy and yes I did love him, but felt my needs and the happiness of my children was more important. It took me 5 yrs and many "boyfriends" before I fully understood what was missing in my life and now I have a wonderful man in my life. Master is so thoughtful and fulfills the innermost needs of my heart. I could not have respected myself to have gone behind my husbands back to seek that fulfillment, nor honestly suspect could the really decent men that I sought to find a relationship with. So I guess what I am saying is that you have to decide is your inner peace more important than the love you feel for husband, and in time due to the sneaking around the relationship is going to deteriate to say the least weather you see that now or not.



luvdragonx -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/9/2005 12:39:30 PM)

quote:



Aileen68, In a round about way I was in the same position that you are in, but in a vanilla relationship of marriage for 16 yrs. I realized that my husband was not providing what I needed to really feel fulfilled, loved, supported, and felt he wasn't really giving as much as I was giving, so what did I do? It was a very hard choice to make since I had 4 young boys to consider in the solution also. But in the end I choose to leave him and get my life together than seek the one who would fulfill the needs of my heart, it wasn't easy and yes I did love him, but felt my needs and the happiness of my children was more important. It took me 5 yrs and many "boyfriends" before I fully understood what was missing in my life and now I have a wonderful man in my life. Master is so thoughtful and fulfills the innermost needs of my heart. I could not have respected myself to have gone behind my husbands back to seek that fulfillment, nor honestly suspect could the really decent men that I sought to find a relationship with. So I guess what I am saying is that you have to decide is your inner peace more important than the love you feel for husband, and in time due to the sneaking around the relationship is going to deteriate to say the least weather you see that now or not.


subcheryl, I'm really glad you posted your own experience on this. I have a very close friend who was married with 2 children. They had a great relationship, but she had to accept that she just didn't love him enough to stay married to him. She could have stayed married for the convenience and security, but she's a brutally honest person - especially with herself - and she divorced him. She felt it wasn't fair to her husband to stay married when she didn't mean it. She struggled as a single parent for 5 years until she met a man she fell in love with, and she regrets none of it.

Her dedication to being real has always been an inspiration to me. I had to make a similar decision myself a few years back. I didn't want to lose my husband, but I didn't want the pressure and stress of cheating, so I talked with him about what I felt I needed. He accepted that and did me one better - he's chosen to walk this path with me. If he'd had a different reaction, I don't know that we'd still be together, or maybe a different arrangement would have been made. Either way, my life choices would have been made on the truth, so how could I regret it?



pinkpleasures -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/9/2005 8:12:40 PM)

quote:

What if somebody said to you that you can't have what you truly desire...what really makes you excited and gets your heart racing...that you can't have it with the person in your life that you love. Do you sacrifice forever for that love and always in a way feel unfulfilled. Do you just go through the motions of happiness? Or do you find a way to keep that love and satisfy your needs at the same time...it's either that or lose the love. It's a lousy choice. no win for me.

(Aileen)


You truely cannot have any of what You need from your love? Have You tried counseling with a BDSM friendly therapist? Maybe i'm a romantic, but seems to me where there is love there is hope. i wish you the best, dear.

pinkpleasures



MsIncognito -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/10/2005 2:13:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

You truely cannot have any of what You need from your love? Have You tried counseling with a BDSM friendly therapist? Maybe i'm a romantic, but seems to me where there is love there is hope. i wish you the best, dear.



Sometimes one has to respect their partner's wishes to NOT be involved in things they find unappealing or distasteful. My husband has no interest in BDSM. It's just not his cup 'o' tea. To continue to try and get him interested in it would be extremely disrespectful, IMO. I care about him too much to make him feel like he's nothing more than a vehicle for fantasy fulfillment for me. In a relationship respect has to be mutual. It's not all about me, therefore I respect his wish to not be involved in BDSM. Fortunately we've been able to work things out so that I can have my needs met wthout having to cheat on him or force BDSM on him but that has been a process and one that has only deepend my love and respect for him. However, had that not been possible I would have done what I did the first 9 years of our marriage - I'd have done without BDSM. It's as simple as that.



ehlovindom -> RE: My Neighbor's TV (9/10/2005 4:22:14 PM)

Merc,

You never said who won the game?



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