RE: Conversation is not a one way street

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OmegaG -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 7:28:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greyangelus Hmm, has this ever happened to anyone? (Thats a rhetorical question Farley, do you know what a rhetorical question is?) kudos if you get the reference You find a sub thats got a decently written profile. Shes new, shy, or inexperienced but wants to move forward with finding out about herself and where she fits into all this. Maybe not quite what your looking for, but enough so that sending a "hey, how you doing?" or some other message like that seems reasonable propostion. Shes responds well enough, enough for the two of you start emailing back and forth. But wait, Batman, theres trouble ahead. No questions from her. At all. I mean none. about anything. It's you the originally interested party, asking all the questions and getting all the replies. Now note, I'm really not trying to read anything into this, there could a huge amount of reasons for it. She's just shy and has difficulty asking questions (the most likely case IMO, I'd say most subs get enough attention that its easier simply not replying to the first email), shes geniunely not interested and merely being polite, etc etc. Other than just stopping the communication and never really bothering her again, is there some other way of dealing with this? Any tips, tricks, side glances to figuring this little conundrum out? I suppose I could just be blunt and say "Hey, you interested or not?", but that does spook quite a few I've noticed. I don't ask many questions, especially in the beginning. I prefer that conversation flow naturally rather then being directed for one, but the biggest reason is that I like to see when a person divulges information not just what they divulge, IMO as much can be gleaned with the when as the what. Besides, too many people who ask questions aren't really listening, they are setting the ground work to segue back to themselves or they will ask questions and not give reciprocole(sp) information back. If the conversation is flowing and information is being shared, don't sweat the how.

sexyred1 -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 7:45:51 AM)
It is the same problem in talking to many Doms. They write something like I love your profile, can we talk? If I like the profile, I say sure. Then, if we go to email or IM, invariably, the Dom never has anything to say other than, Do you have any questions for me? No, I do not. YOU wrote me, ostensibly since you liked my profile, so either ask me something interesting, not things that I already answered in the profile or let's just chat. The worst is when you make it to IM and they just sit there waiting for you to do the work. As someone said, I am not an interviewer, I like give and take in conversations and if you cannot do it in the written word, likely you will not be able to do it verbally.

DesFIP -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 8:17:42 AM)
She's probably read too much on how to be a twue subby and thinks that asking anything is tftb. Why don't you enlighten her as to the difference. Ask her to email you her questions if she's too nervous to ask in chat. If you get a little further, order her to ask you two questions nightly.

Taintedblood -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 8:19:50 AM)
i myself do not tend to ask many questions at all....i learn about other people through what questions they ask me and how they respond to what i answer. and if i then want to know something particular i will ask

kinkypuppy2 -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 8:39:45 AM)
Common problem with submissives, they tend to not ask questions.

CalifChick -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 9:17:34 AM)
I cannot believe how many emails I get that say, "Wanna talk?". And succumbing to temptation, I always ask, "about anything in particular?". But it never goes past their one word answer to that. Don't make me do all the work. Cali

GreedyTop -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 9:36:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick I cannot believe how many emails I get that say, "Wanna talk?". And succumbing to temptation, I always ask, "about anything in particular?". But it never goes past their one word answer to that. Don't make me do all the work. Cali "loved your profile. wanna chat?" "what about?" "What you're looking for in a dominate" "Take a look at the TEXT portions of my profile, skippy..."

greyangelus -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 9:43:41 AM)
Thanks so much for the input all (thanks for not flaming either [:D]). I'll admit to being slightly irritated when I wrote the OP last night, not at them but at myself, I regarded at as a failure on my part in this specific caseset. Leftover remnants of being shy from earlier days, which is why i don't blame them in the slightest. Seems like a lot of people have a wide array of how they converse. Not suprising, really. I would prefer not to ask questions personally, I much prefer the ebb-and-flow of nautral conversation. Theres a lot of approachs mentioned that I never tried before that were mentioned, seems like a good time to go put some of them into usage.

kyraofMists -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 10:14:22 AM)
Are you assuming that she is shy or has she told you that she is shy? Many would assume that I am shy, but that would not be accurate. I am highly introverted, with almost no extroversion. I don't ask a lot of questions during a conversation because my mind is focused on absorbing what someone else is saying. Once I have had a chance to process the information, I tend to have questions later (sometimes two or three days later). I don't always get the opportunity to ask later though since the conversation may be long over. Knight's Kyra

giveeverything -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 10:15:16 AM)
A side note about questions and intial contact (and not directed at OP at all), I prefer the eb and flow also. And I tend to be good at it with someone who is interesting, quirky and has various interests (especially interests outside of bdsm). Lately I've noticed, though, a lot of intial contact that gets sexual immediatly with a succession of questions about my kinks and interests and what I'll do or not do. And frankly, it's made me more than a little suspicious of all initial conversations (sadly) that generates from a bdsm site. I've even been really direct with people, telling them that it is putting me off (sigh, to no avail). So, I tend to wait until I see what they and their conversation is made of. I'm not going to put myself out there until I get a sense of who they are. So.... that may or may not be what's contributing... but it often is for me.

IrishMist -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 10:28:54 AM)
quote: Shes responds well enough, enough for the two of you start emailing back and forth. But wait, Batman, theres trouble ahead. No questions from her. At all. I mean none. about anything. It's you the originally interested party, asking all the questions and getting all the replies. So what? When I talk to people I don't ask questions; no matter how much information I give them. If they want to volunteer information back; that's good...but if not...that's all good too.

Jeffff -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 10:33:52 AM)
Mist?, I don't see communication being a problem for you..." I wonder how mist feels about............."....[:D] Jeff

greyangelus -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 10:34:56 AM)
quote: Are you assuming that she is shy or has she told you that she is shy? Many would assume that I am shy, but that would not be accurate. I am highly introverted, with almost no extroversion. I don't ask a lot of questions during a conversation because my mind is focused on absorbing what someone else is saying. Once I have had a chance to process the information, I tend to have questions later (sometimes two or three days later). I don't always get the opportunity to ask later though since the conversation may be long over. Stated in the profile as being such normally. New and inexperienced does trend towads the same thing, but not always. quote: A side note about questions and intial contact (and not directed at OP at all), I prefer the eb and flow also. And I tend to be good at it with someone who is interesting, quirky and has various interests (especially interests outside of bdsm). Lately I've noticed, though, a lot of intial contact that gets sexual immediatly with a succession of questions about my kinks and interests and what I'll do or not do. And frankly, it's made me more than a little suspicious of all initial conversations (sadly) that generates from a bdsm site. LOL, I admit to making that mistake in the past too. I quickly figured out it's a no-brainer way to kill a conversation. Although to be fair, this is a bdsm personals site at some point and fairly quickly something along those lines will crop up. For those wondering, I do make effort at telling them parts about myself when I message back and forth, usually in a "oh, thats neat. I kind of did/like something similiar" fashion. Unasked information can be pushy to some, but it can also be a good way to spark an interest or something similiar.

Justme696 -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 10:50:22 AM)
your post in your profile is a nice though... you did well in putting this thread to a readable journal post.. I think it will make some people speak eassier to you

kittengirl8 -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 10:55:27 AM)
I'm a lot like the others on here. I've taken to giving a generic response, actually. "Any questions for me?" "I don't like to ask questions just randomly. Prefer to just talk and get to know people that way." Actually, if I just ask random questions I've learned that I'm less likely to remember the information I recieve in response. It's an odd thing with me. So, apparently that's pretty common. Guess that means we all need to get used to it, hm? (Of course, one of the parties involved asking a simple question like "Do you like sports?" can lead to a very long conversation. I suppose it just depends on how the conversation is going in the first place.) In regular conversations, I only ask questions that pertain to what we're always dicsussing: "How in the world can you prefer to watch the Olympic soccer games over the World Cup?" Hopefully we're all just a little more enlightened. And enjoying chocolate and SPARKLY THINGS! ~kitten~

GreedyTop -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 10:57:09 AM)
yay for sparklies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (oh look! a sparklie!!)

greyangelus -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 11:25:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop yay for sparklies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (oh look! a sparklie!!) Why do I have this feeling that all it would take to seriously distract you is toss one of the sparkly rubber balls and let it bounce around? [:D]

GreedyTop -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 11:26:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greyangelus quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop yay for sparklies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (oh look! a sparklie!!) Why do I have this feeling that all it would take to seriously distract you is toss one of the sparkly rubber around and let it bounce around? [:D] They make sparkly rubb.... oooh... SHINY!!

greyangelus -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 11:30:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist So what? When I talk to people I don't ask questions; no matter how much information I give them. If they want to volunteer information back; that's good...but if not...that's all good too. And if they don't ask questions, what then? Randomly volunteer information at each other? If there is something that your interested to know about the other person, is it a matter of wait-and-see? By the way "So what?" is a question [:D]

goodgirl08 -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 1:14:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG I don't ask many questions, especially in the beginning. I prefer that conversation flow naturally rather then being directed for one, but the biggest reason is that I like to see when a person divulges information not just what they divulge, IMO as much can be gleaned with the when as the what. Besides, too many people who ask questions aren't really listening, they are setting the ground work to segue back to themselves or they will ask questions and not give reciprocole(sp) information back. If the conversation is flowing and information is being shared, don't sweat the how. I agree with this, but I think asking some questions is an important part of conversational flow. I like things to flow too, but I have a natural instinct to ask a couple of questions, just because I like to show that I am interested in the other person and am not just rambling on about myself. It doesn't have to be a question and answer session, but they're a part of good conversation, in my opinion. I consider myself a little shy sometimes, but I make an effort to converse well, and if the other person does too then it takes the shyness away.

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