littlebitxxx
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ORIGINAL: cherrypez
I am a college student participating in a service learning project for my abnormal psychology class. We will set up a booth and provide information on a certain topics. The topic of the group I am in is on Sadism and Masochism.
In the discussions we have had in our group so far, we have debated about S&M, whether it should or shouldn't be listed as an abornormal behavior nor as a mental illness. Our textbook did indicate that an abornormal behavior or a mental illness is basically determined by the society we live in, and for that reason alone we are on the "outside" group of "normal" society. So no matter what we or you say, it will still be looked at as aberrant behaviour. Some may take it to the extreme and call it abuse, even consentual abuse, but with a basis in madness. which. for our group is the US. We are aware that some mental illnesses would be deemed appropriate in other societies.
Much of the information we are able to obtain is slanted towards S&M being deemed as a mental illness and our textbook does state that many people who practice S&M do not seek treatment, therefore, I can not see where the information the mental health professionals comes from nor believe that it is truly accurate. You go girl, and I hope you are able to prove at least some of us do not require mental "help" just because we get our jollies from being whipped. It has been 250 years that SM has been "out", since the Marquis deSade wrote, and we are still on the fringes of society and in varying degrees of mental health danger according to "those that know"  I agree that there are probably some that have entered this style of living because of their past, because it's all they know, because it's where they are comfortable, and that do need more professional help than a Pro Dom/me, but there is the law of attraction and the law of statistics for you. In every deck of cards, there are 4 Kings, 4 Queens, 4 Jacks, etc and the odds of turning them change in every shuffle. Same with life, there are always going to be those that pop up, changing with every shuffle. Therefore, I desire to ask those who practice S&M a series of questions. Hopefully, I can get the answers, that will allow me to present information that is a bit more accurate as well as informative.
If you practice S&M I am asking you to respond and answer the series of questions I am posing below. Thank you in advance.
- What is your gender? F
- What is your sexual orientation? Straight until 45 yo, then bisexual
- Do you identify as a Sadist, Masochist or both? Maso
- Age group 21-30, 31-40, 41-50, 51-60 or 61+ 41-50 (I'm not tell anyone that I'm 47....lol)
- Our text book states that a dysfunctional past can cause a person to practice SM such as abuse or overbearing parents. Did you have a dysfunctional past and if so do you think it caused you to engage in S&M? Woohoo doggy! What a loaded question. I've asked myself this question sooooo many times. In my opinion, there are probably some masos that now practise SM because of their past: the abuse is all they know, that's where they are comfortable, the mental cruelty seems to fit "most" (read uninformed vanilla) ideas about submission, etc. For sadists, I can imagine that if they had an abusive childhood they may be acting out the opposite, finally being on the weilding end so to speak. I don't know coz I'm not them. Myself, yes, I had an abusive father, drunk and drugged and swinging the fists. When I first got here, I did a lot of introspection to find out why I like being beaten now and didn't then. I was wondering if I was here because of the abuse or in spite of it. My past gave me some hard and fast lessons that I've brought forward into relationships yes, as to how "I" define abuse and the lines I will not cross. Having a belt swung by my man is definitely different than having one swung by my father. The intent mostly. With my father it was control (or lack of), and the intent to harm me physically, to take out his frustrations on a weaker, undefending being. With my man it is also control but whole lots of it, his intent is to hurt me because I like it, not to harm me. Done with love you could say. So coming from a dysfuntional family I've learned what real abuse is, the strength it took for my mother to stand up, say enough and get us out of there, the hard-won independence of being a single mom, and now knowing myself the difference between what feels right in a relationship and what doesn't. Don't even get me going on my marriage, a whole different kettle of fish...lol.
- In our group, we discussed various types of play and some types of play we found acceptable while other types seemed abnormal. Do you feel that some types are abnormal (eg. gun play) while others are not? Again, depends on your definition of abnormal. To most in society, tying me up or whipping me is abnormal. As a practising SM'er yourself, I will assume you are about as open as I am and try to explain from there. What "I" find abhorrent in SM is face-slapping (too personal, too close to the abuse as listed above); gun play haven't done but not high on my like or ick factor; humiliation - not so abnormal as more not felt, probably again because of what I've done with myself after the abusive life. The only really "abnormal" things I can think of are my hard limits anyways...kids, poop, animals, death.
- We discussed safety aspects in our group, what sort of safety measures do you have in place so as not to cause harm to another person? I have safe calls if I'm meeting someone for the first time, even a coffee date in public. I had safe calls for all weekends I spent out of the province. I have a safe word that I've never used but will if I feel the need to. My biggest safety net is my intuition: if a person/location/scene/situation just "doesn't feel right" I don't do it. Causing harm to another person is not my cup of tea so, although I'm pretty out myself, I tend to be fairly discreet around the public.
- Why do you feel you engage in S&M? Coz I like it and it's fun. Simple as that.
- Do you feel that S&M is an abnormal practice? Why or why not? Not at all. Why is walking your dog in the park considered normal if that's what you want to do on a Saturday afternoon, but SM isn't? I would prefer to scene than watch TV in the evenings, so what? Just because what I like to do in the privacy of my own home (or the privacy of dungeons) is different from what "normal" couples do, should it be considered "abnormal"?
- Have you sought professional help regarding your involvement in S&M or thought about seeking help? Why or why not? No. I don't feel that I need or should have professional help. I don't have a "problem" the way I see it. Should couples that only do missionary position once a week on Saturday nights go for professional help because they are suffering from "the ruts"?? (Well, yeah, I think so but......lol
 )
- I want to see things through the eyes of someone who practices S&M, if you could give me one piece of information to help me understand you what would that be? I am me. If you met me on the street or in S**bucks, you would see a 47 yo woman in probably jeans and sneakies grabbing a mocca to go. With or without ums, with or without my man, with or without grocery bags, you would think I'm a typical two-legged suburbanite female with a normal job and life. What you don't see is the welts on my ass, the redness fading from my back, the carpet burns on my knees, the happy pussy that just got ....... But you will see the big smile of contentment on my face because I am me, I like me just the way I am, I am comfortable with my masochism and strong enough to defend it should I need to.
- Last question---thoughts, feelings or any information I did not cover that should be included? Er....if I think of any, I'll CMail you.
The information obtained will be useful in making an informative handout to pass on to guests who visit our booth. I hope that I get some useful feedback, thanks to everyone.
Good luck with it. I do hope you can get the word out in your little corner of the world that we are not all hopped-up crazy running amok wielding whips SM'ers. Well, some of us anyway. 
_____________________________
There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet
It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.
The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.
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