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parttimehotty -> To my dog and/or cat... (2/5/2008 12:41:54 PM)
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Dear Dog or Cat,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and
contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note,
placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that pleasing in the
slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me does not help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size
bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the
couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when
they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is
not required.
The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog's or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have
posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and May
Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't ..
2. If you don't
want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call
it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most
people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember:
In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out
with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the
latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a
"gazillion" dollars for college
And finally,
If they get pregnant, you can
sell their children!
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