Orgasm denial, how to get control?

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Orgasm denial, how to get control? - 2/5/2008 7:05:48 PM

Tormented666

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It's most first post here, though I have read for a while.

I have kind of a good problem, but I'm hoping someone can help me before I screw it up!

It's mostly a vanilla relationship that has gotten interesting lately.

My wonderful lady and I have worked out a fantastic (well to me) arrangement. Basically I can cum based on some prestablished rules, and otherwise it's not allowed. As part of the agreement she gets to dictate when and how I pleasure her, and part of the agreement is frequent "playtime" as she calls it for me. It consists of whatever kind of sensations/stimulation she wants to give me at the moment, and she's very good at it. She is doing this sometimes 3 times a day, and it's not a 5 minute thing. She takes her time getting me worked up. I love it but it drives me nuts. It's wonderful but most times when she stops it makes me beg for more stimulation and I do it to the point where she either gives in, or gets upset with me. I love everything about this, and she loves everything except my stupid begging, and I am afraid that she will stop our arrangement if I don't get control of myself. I have no idea how I can overcome this. "Just stop begging" isn't going to do the trick. I am hoping for some suggestions, even better from persons who know just how powerful orgasm denial is.

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RE: Orgasm denial, how to get control? - 2/5/2008 7:45:12 PM

ProlificNeeds

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Find a focus. Otherwise, ask her to gag you and leave you to suffer until you're beyond the immediate need to beg.
She should never give into your begging unless she wants to encourage it. But you need to focus on pleasing her and not yourself in that kind of instance. Keep firmly in your mind that she doesn't want you to beg, that she wants you to hang there on the brink of painful arousal with no release, and that image pleases her. If you beg for more, you ruin the image that is pleasing her. Try some speach restriction exercises too, that might help condition you to shut yer trap when she wants you to.

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RE: Orgasm denial, how to get control? - 2/6/2008 5:53:43 AM

Bound2One

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I agree with ProlificNeeds. Ask her to gag you and in your mind focus on her pleasure. Focus on how pleased she will be when you can submit your body w/o giving in to orgasming. Take deep breaths. Close your eyes and let your body float. Run through baseball or football stats in your head. lol Anything to get you over that difficult hump of needing to cum right then and there. You could also ask her to remind you to focus when she sees you are approaching a difficult moment. Sometimes when I feel my body taking over and wanting to cum before Master wishes it, he will whisper 'focus' in my ear. It brings me back from the brink, reminds me of what his wishes are and I can relax the muscles in my body and come back down from the tormenting heights.

Good luck to you!

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RE: Orgasm denial, how to get control? - 2/6/2008 11:23:44 AM

suessub

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Maybe your too focused on what you are getting out of this. Is this tease and denial all about you or are you two starting to explore a power exchange? If the former, then take a physical route to a solution, do as ProlificNeeds suggests and get a gag.

On the other hand, if what makes this T&D exciting is that you have given your lady control of your sexual release, start to focus there. Your begging may be robbing her of what she finds exciting. Are you truly accepting your decision to relinquish this part of yourself to her? When you feel the desire to start begging, look at your lady and ask yourself if you want to diminish her pleasure? She has just spend time giving you direct attention. Her satisfaction is mental. It is the enjoyment of taking charge (just guessing). Think this, look in her eyes and see if you still want to beg.

My situation is a little different, as my lady loves me to beg. It only strengthens her resolve to make me wait. It is how she knows she has control. Maybe as your lady gets more comfortable with this type of play, she will start to see it the same way.

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RE: Orgasm denial, how to get control? - 2/6/2008 5:26:04 PM

slavetoobeyYou

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Since She is the one initiating your "play time" She must enjoy something about it, and I project it may be the power and control in BOTH getting you aroused and the torment of denying you. Since She "gives in" and gets upset other times, I'm guessing She, as more of a beginner still finding Her way, feels pressured by it and thinks that She actually has to take it into account, taking Her control away from Her.

I suggest, echoing what ProlificNeeds said about Her never giving in to you, that you explain to Her She has such an effect on you that you are out of control of yourself but trying, that what's most important to you is that She do what She wants (if you recognize this), and ask Her to interpret it that if you beg, you are begging Her NOT to continue. You might work it out that She will make you explicitly use words of begging Her to stop if you start begging. You might switch to saying different words like "Thank You <Her name or appelation>" as a replacement for the begging words emanating from your mouth, or just making sounds.

If you are begging while she is still stimulating you, she could stop stimulating whenever you beg and resume after you stop.

If She doesn't like any of this involving your speaking, you might ask Her to help train you by having you do something to take your mind off of it or doing something to you like applying ice?

There's always the gag.

Personally I like getting to the place of begging and see it as responsiveness, feedback, and expression, so I'd wish for you to get this resolved before She develops a hard line distate for it, so in the future you both might incorporate and enjoy your begging.

I find after going months without being allowed an orgasm, something I've always feared and never thought I could handle, I also like it that I'm not allowed, not that it is easier or I am less eager or desperate for one. What helps me to accept it is that I know there is nothing I can do about it. I think the final solution is your gf learning over time that She doesn't have to listen to you and there is nothing you can do about it.

slave to obey You

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RE: Orgasm denial, how to get control? - 2/6/2008 6:39:37 PM

Tormented666

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I've gotten some great ideas here, thanks to everyone. It's mostly a vanilla relationship, so a gag seems out of place. It would work though. If I can just find a way to calm myself for the 5-10 minutes following, then I am fine. And yes she enjoys this as much as I do, sometimes more I think. And it is true that she is not experienced. It's a power exchange but she isn't able to fully take that power yet. So we both want to find a way. I like the suggestion from Bound2One, asking her to remind me to focus. And I am trying to focus, but so far without much success.

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RE: Orgasm denial, how to get control? - 2/6/2008 6:49:33 PM

Tormented666

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In reply to slavetoobeyyou, I'm not begging for her to make me cum so I'm doing well in that respect. Of course I would love to cum in that state, but I am able to keep my end of the agreement on that and realize that an orgasm will not happen. What I beg for is more stimulation. I just don't want her to stop. It puts me into a kind of state where I don't want the stimulation to end, and that is somehow sufficient and better than actually having an orgasm. I would actually regret if I had an orgasm outside our agreement.

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RE: Orgasm denial, how to get control? - 2/8/2008 6:38:22 AM

parttimehotty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tormented666

In reply to slavetoobeyyou, I'm not begging for her to make me cum so I'm doing well in that respect. Of course I would love to cum in that state, but I am able to keep my end of the agreement on that and realize that an orgasm will not happen. What I beg for is more stimulation. I just don't want her to stop. It puts me into a kind of state where I don't want the stimulation to end, and that is somehow sufficient and better than actually having an orgasm. I would actually regret if I had an orgasm outside our agreement.

When i first started down this road, the feelings were too intense during our sessions and i was allowed to cum over/over again, gradually denial started to happen...pure torture!! But then when i was being trained to use the other holes adequately, he'd allow me to cum during ass play/face f**king w/o asking. Now, it's no problem not cumming during "regular" sex because i know that when the other holes are used, i can cum as much as i want/need to.

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RE: Orgasm denial, how to get control? - 2/13/2008 6:01:34 PM

pamela700

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for me, what works is breath control, being told not to move, and focussing. i realize our biological imperatives are different; most people might say it's easier for girls to control their orgasms than it is for boys. for me, i'm highly multi-orgasmic, it's very hard not to have the shivery little ones even on a breeze or a sound or a thought. breath control does it for me, although if it goes on for a while, i sometimes have to be reminded to breathe.

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