quote:

ORIGINAL: suessub

For me, it has been accepting my masochistic self. In the beginning of a session, I can feel the conflict inside me as I resist against enjoying the pain. A panic can set in where my brain is screaming that I should not be letting this happen to me. When this kind of intense play was new, the worst would come afterwards. I would feel like complete crap. "Real men" are not supposed to enjoy having women beat them into submission. But dammit, I love how I feel, both during and after.

After a weekend long event my Mistress/wife and myself went to, while in such a bad way, I wrote one of the senior Dommes we know and mentioned to her how I felt. And to this day, her words help me when I need it: "You silly boy, there is nothing wrong with you."

And there is nothing wrong with you or me. People love differently. Always have and always will. Look at the vanilla world. They don't seem to have the key to happiness. To be happy, each of us needs to find our own path. No one knows the path for everyone. When the doubt and recriminations come, I counter it with knowledge that I have had the courage to find that kink in me that lets me wake up my path to happiness.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

We've all had to overcome societal programming. Some have had an easier time of it than others. My best advice is to acknowledge the voice when you hear it, but mentally tell it to go away, then deliberately think the opposite thing. The more you do that, the more you will program new neural pathways. The more you think a thought, the more established the pathway and vice versa. It takes time, but you can really reprogram yourself. Just keep at it.

Master Fire

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ORIGINAL: Bound2One

I do understand where you're coming from.  I have had times when I was having my butt whipped by Master that I thought 'what the hell am I doing here?' and 'I shouldn't let this be happening to me'.  You know, those society rules.  I'm a female being beaten by my male.  That's supposed to be wrong.  lol  The thoughts come into my head and I squeeze them out very quickly.  I think it's social programming, and I just remind myself that I need to be exactly where I am and with my Master ... and my mind quiets down again.  It's not often these thoughts intrude - usually when he's trying something new and I'm a bit anxious about it. 

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ORIGINAL: slavetoobeyYou

I've had to deal with that for many years, at times swearing off D/s for periods of time, and keeping a limit on how far I would go.  I was believing the voices of society that argued within me that MasterFireMaam mentioned, thinking they were "me."  Now BDSM, with sites like this, is clearly embraced by many people, as opposed to 30 years ago when it was more underground.  I gradually accepted myself when I did it, and noticed afterwards "Oh there's those same old voices again saying 'I am bad, wrong, shouldn't have, there's something wrong with me, this is bad for me, and I never will again' --isn't that interesting."

I still have some of those voices, but I'm too much into my submission to listen to some of them and still get caught believing others. 

I just the other day saw that I have been very restricted in my sexuality by societal expectations--without my realizing it!  Heck with that!  It seems that there is a startling power and aliveness that comes from claiming and embracing my sexuality and my right to it whatever it is--that I imagine others have experienced and could comment on more than I.

I encourage you to pat yourself on the back for your exploration.  

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ORIGINAL: sillyfrillyboy

I am very new to the community and wonder if any other subs have gone through this and how the got passed it so they could just enjoy themselves.

I have recently started going to local munches and the local dungeon and I must say I have never felt so peaceful then when I am being submissive to a women. I love finally being able to talk openly about the things I enjoy with like minded individuals and have met some really great people who except me for who I am. The issue is when I am by myself I start to feel guilty for being who I am. I refuse to give into this BS that goes on in my head about what it is to be a "man" or whatever and was hoping for some feedback from others who may have overcome this internal stupid shame I sometimes feel. Logically I know its a bunch of hewey but feelings are feelings and must be dealt with or they will deal with you.

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ORIGINAL: WalterRego

>>The issue is when I am by myself I start to feel guilty for being who I am. I refuse to give into this BS that goes on in my head about what it is to be a "man<<

Actually, I think you kind of are giving in to the BS that goes on in your head. You say you are feeling guilty and shame. So you are accepting the BS as  the standard  "correct" way of being and feeling failure or shame that you don't meet that standard.

This is not about being a "man" or not. Clearly you must know that over the centuries there have been and continue to be many "men" like yourself. So clearly this is a "way" of being a man.

Now all you have to do is decide whether you want to be a happy, fulfilled man, or an unhappy unfulfilled one.

If there is a problem here it is simply that, since you will not looking for partners or loved ones who also accept the standard view, you will have less sheer numbers of women to choose from or meet than those men selecting or looking from within the standard.

So.....you'd be better off forgetting the BS and get busy enjoying yourself and looking now.