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RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 7:54:05 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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Stop being selfish.

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RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 8:10:18 PM

exquisitefeline1

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Say to yourself, do I really want to be a: slave? Submissive? girlfreind with kinky sex partner?
After you define the relationship format you want then you have to kinda stick to the expectations that come with that choice.
(ie you cant say I want a Master Slave relationship but I want to be able to act like and expect that I be treated as a girlfreind instead of a slave.) switch the terms to fit the situation you are in.

Now don't mistake this for carte blanc for the master to treat you any way he wishes without reguard for your mental/ emotional well being. The point I'm trying to focus on is are your expectations realistic and in keeping with the relationship you consented to being in. Or have you let your emotions shift you into a possition where you are expecting behaviour that is beyond the negotiated relationship.

Take a real hard objective look at it. Is it your stuff (singular) that you are having trouble with or is it your stuff (plural) that is off kilter

Sorry to hijack... but i have been going through something similar although very different circumstances, i dont have problems with him spending time with his friends etc but understanding where i stand from one moment to the next.
Anyway thanks Archer, this helped me understand that i am not strong enough to be a slave... submissive by nature maybe, however i am finally understanding i want all the benefits of vanilla relationship with a strong and Dominant personality, and of course the kink. Still leaves me wondering who i am in this realm of kink....

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Post #: 22

RE: little attention - 2/7/2008 2:47:10 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Is anybody aware that according to her dom he only met her on January 11th. And she's only 19. not that there's anything wrong with 19 year olds nobody get me wrong. I had my first dom at 19.

It seems a bit drauma queenie to me to have only known him less than 22 days an already be talking about giving a collar back because he's chosen to hang with his buddies. could be worse lol it could be an established long term slave doing it i guess.

I still recomend not being so clingy though at any age.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 2/7/2008 2:50:59 AM >

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Post #: 23

RE: little attention - 2/7/2008 7:27:23 AM

atursvcMaam

Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline

Not to be cold, but get a hobby, a life, friends, a way to keep yourself occupied in the times apart, and happily welcome the time that is given, and offer a new perspective at that point. Keep Him in your thoughts, up front if you wish, but be capable of more thoughts.

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Post #: 24

RE: little attention - 2/7/2008 7:52:32 AM

vampiresscammy

Posts: 97
Joined: 12/25/2007
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to the op, me thinks you just gotta resit with you dom and express your upsetness and reestablish your ideas/goals/plans for your relationship and talk mor and decide if your both able and willign to meet the others need, make sure you both agree with what you want need out of the roles you've both chosen, maybe their difer more then you originally thought

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Post #: 25

RE: little attention - 2/7/2008 5:57:25 PM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

It seems a bit drauma queenie to me to have only known him less than 22 days an already be talking about giving a collar back because he's chosen to hang with his buddies.

Erm...... what about the dom..... giving a collar after how long?

Weekend ass slappers!

Faith

:: smiles at BA ::

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Post #: 26

RE: little attention - 2/7/2008 6:45:51 PM

LeggsMan

Posts: 18
Joined: 4/24/2007
Status: offline

I'm lucratia's Master. W/we have worked everything out - she shared her feelings, I shared mine, and now everything is great. My slave is the best slave in the world. Not only is she beautiful, sweet and kind..... but she longs to serve me. How lucky can a man be?

A lot of you were right, it's hard to find a balance in life sometimes between relationships, friendships, and others. Some times, no matter how hard we try, we still don't get it right, and no matter what we do, someone gets hurt. I second what a lot of people on the boards here have mentioned, that open communication is key and I highly urge all couples to keep in constant discussion of their feelings with each other. Budgeting time between all these people who want to see you and care about you can cause hurt feelings on either side if you indulge in one side too much.

But I make my slave a priority, and truth be told, I like hanging out with my friends, I really do.... and my time with them is important to me.... but no one makes me happier my slave. Just being around her makes me feel high, holding her hand across the table at a restaurant, looking into her eyes, feeling the silky soft nylons on her thighs, knowing she's wearing them just to please me... this girl does more for me and than any person ever could.

I did not meet my slave on Jan. 11, by the way, I *collared* her on Jan. 11th. And let me say, it was a sweet moment for both us. Her collar is a sign of committment and love between us, and it's very meaningful to us both. The thought of putting that collar around her neck for the first time still gives me butterflies.

But anyway, the main reason I wanted to post is this: that I am a LUCKY man, that I LOVE my slave, and that she is amazing and I'm so lucky to have found her, and I wanted the world to know that.

And like I said, balance in life is HARD, but in the end, you have to make priorities. And it makes me feel good to say that, while I would never abandon my friends or anything like that at all, in the end, my slave is one of my TOP priorities.

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Post #: 27

RE: little attention - 2/7/2008 7:35:00 PM

Lucratia101

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/6/2007
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thank you everone for your views as my Master has said we are doing fine now i realize im very scared since ive been hurt before. i love him so much i didnt want my feelings to get in the way of our wonderful relationship. so ive been spending more time with friends and at the gym recently it does help. thanks again.

(in reply to greenearth21)

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Post #: 28

RE: little attention - 2/8/2008 1:03:42 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you need daily contact with him and he only needs it twice weekly, then you discuss your different needs and decide if there is a win/win compromise or if you just aren't compatible. If he wants to spend his free time watching the game of the weeks with his buds, while drinking the same, yet you want a man who wants to spend his free time with you, then you just aren't compatible.

Your needs are important, your expectations and desires to have a relationship that completes you is important. And despite what others say, it isn't 'all about him'. You both have to feel happy in the relationship. And if that, for you, means being with him even when he doesn't want a bootie call, then he just isn't the right one for you.

Never make someone a priority who makes you an option.

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Post #: 29

RE: little attention - 2/8/2008 6:45:32 PM

TethersEnd

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
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every relationship needs maintenance just as we all need the maturity to stand on our own two feet.
talk to him about the maintenance, talk to yourself about the maturity.

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Post #: 30

RE: little attention - 2/9/2008 5:21:59 PM

exquisitefeline1

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/13/2007
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option."

i am writing that on my fridge.

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Post #: 31

RE: little attention - 2/9/2008 7:07:03 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucratia101

when i'm with my master i feel head over feet in love with him but it hurts me when he hangs out with his freinds. im never really invited and i feel very alone. im almost to the point this week i want to give my collar back to him. He does normally give me more attention then he has this week but i havent seen him all week and the one day he wants to hang out i can for only a few hours since i have work in the night and morning. what should i say i do to help this situation become better.

You say, "Master, I feel like I am never really invited to hang out with you and your friends and I need more time to be with you in order to feel more loved and secure."

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Post #: 32

RE: little attention - 2/10/2008 10:26:32 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
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tell Him how you feel, dont make it come off as jelousy but, just communicate and tell Him how u feel.

~meticulous~

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Post #: 33