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How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 9:07:06 AM   
Belladonna30


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline 		Greetings all!

i have a dilema. Master and i love each other very much and i can just about tell Him anything, but...i find it hard to tell Him that as a masochist (He knows i am one who enjoys and craves pain) i need to be spanked, flogged, whipped, etc...it makes me uncomfortable as He seems to be made a bit uneasy by it. Once in while He will swat my ass really hard and its such a tease because He never follows through with a full session. Also, He associates it with sex, that it turns Him on to do it and than He wants to take me. i am A-OK with that (snickers) but its not a sexual thing for me. Its completely different although sex is great afterwards (giggles). He tells me i am a good girl and i dont require being punished, but its not a punishment as far as i see it. How do i get Him to work with me on this? i dont want to be bratty but it seems like every few weeks i do get bratty just so i will get some sort of punishment/release. Its making me bonkers. Any advice is appreciated
 
~b~
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 9:09:12 AM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		Sorry, I dont have any good advice, other than Valentines Day is coming up.  Tell him thats what you want...Or maybe for your birthday.  Good luck though!

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to Belladonna30)
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RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 9:13:40 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think you need to stress to him the difference between "punishment" and "needing sensation".  Maybe if he can disonnect the two it will be easier for him.  All you can do is let him know how you perceive these things.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
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RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 9:34:24 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think you need to stress to him the difference between "punishment" and "needing sensation".  Maybe if he can disonnect the two it will be easier for him.  All you can do is let him know how you perceive these things.


I agree with this.

That is the magical thing many of us have to search for is a Master who understands that the kinks are often not about just punishments or sexual pleasure to people like us.

I agree with KatyLied all you can do is try to communicate to him what you are about and need and hope he can understand and change his thought process. If he is willing to try talk some more about the best way and what you can do for him in order for him to change his thought patterns.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 9:35:09 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna30

Greetings all!

i have a dilema. Master and i love each other very much and i can just about tell Him anything, but...i find it hard to tell Him that as a masochist (He knows i am one who enjoys and craves pain) i need to be spanked, flogged, whipped, etc...it makes me uncomfortable as He seems to be made a bit uneasy by it. Once in while He will swat my ass really hard and its such a tease because He never follows through with a full session. Also, He associates it with sex, that it turns Him on to do it and than He wants to take me. i am A-OK with that (snickers) but its not a sexual thing for me. Its completely different although sex is great afterwards (giggles). He tells me i am a good girl and i dont require being punished, but its not a punishment as far as i see it. How do i get Him to work with me on this? i dont want to be bratty but it seems like every few weeks i do get bratty just so i will get some sort of punishment/release. Its making me bonkers. Any advice is appreciated
 
~b~


My instinct is that he is trying to overcome cultural indoctronation which suggests that any physical agression is bad.  Since he gets turned on by the pain he inflicts on you, half the battle is won, it sounds like he just has to get more comfortable with going against societal conditioning.

m'Lord guaged my responses to different implements, which ones made me whimper and which ones made me grit my teeth.  He then decided to save those that made me grit my teeth for punishment and use those that didn't for pleasure.  He's already done all the soul searching and has no issues with causing me pain for pleasure but he did have to come to terms with it as well.

I don't know if his solution would work for you two, just a thought...

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Belladonna30)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 9:50:55 AM   
akahadaka


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings Belladonna!

I only can tell you something my Dom said to me the other day. I need to be spanked too and after some days without being spanked I was joking with my Dom telling him that maybe I would start to be a bad girl just to obtained "the missing prize". He said to me: "If you are a bad girl I'll punish you. And of course the punishment will consist in something you don't like... so if you are a bad girl you won't be spanked, little girl"

Maybe you can talk with your Master about things you like or need... and about things that not represent a punishment for you.

(in reply to Belladonna30)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 10:03:04 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna30

Greetings all!

i have a dilema. Master and i love each other very much and i can just about tell Him anything, but...i find it hard to tell Him that as a masochist (He knows i am one who enjoys and craves pain) i need to be spanked, flogged, whipped, etc...it makes me uncomfortable as He seems to be made a bit uneasy by it. Once in while He will swat my ass really hard and its such a tease because He never follows through with a full session. Also, He associates it with sex, that it turns Him on to do it and than He wants to take me. i am A-OK with that (snickers) but its not a sexual thing for me. Its completely different although sex is great afterwards (giggles). He tells me i am a good girl and i dont require being punished, but its not a punishment as far as i see it. How do i get Him to work with me on this? i dont want to be bratty but it seems like every few weeks i do get bratty just so i will get some sort of punishment/release. Its making me bonkers. Any advice is appreciated
 
~b~

Edited because i misread the thread title!

< Message edited by parttimehotty -- 2/6/2008 10:04:17 AM >

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(in reply to Belladonna30)
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RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 10:54:40 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Bella....I understand, and I can tell you that my Master and I talked and decided VERY early on that we both ejoyed "playing" with crops and flogs. Also that we WOULD play this way fairly often....He decided that I do not have to be "a bad girl" to get the whippings and beatings I like to get, and He likes to give....

Just talk to your man....Open, honest communication is the way to go..... I haven't found many peolpe that were threatened by good old fashion communication.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Belladonna30)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 11:40:10 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		I have nothing to add but this one off-topic statement. You are absolutely adorable.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 12:00:30 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

I have nothing to add but this one off-topic statement. You are absolutely adorable.

Agreed....she is JUST gorgeous!


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 12:02:43 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		If you aren't talking about the hard stuff then you aren't communicating, you are just talking

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 1:44:01 PM   
Belladonna30


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline 		Reply to batshalom and breathasone,

Thank you *blushes*.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 1:51:15 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna30

Reply to batshalom and breathasone,

Thank you *blushes*.


I agree with them, but was too lazy to post earlier.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Belladonna30)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 2:58:54 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		There has been some excellent advice given already about separating punishment and pain-for-pleasure. And I am assuming that you have already discused with your Master how "release" results from pain for you.  Which leaves:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna30

..i find it hard to tell Him that as a masochist i need to be spanked, flogged, whipped, etc...it makes me uncomfortable as He seems to be made a bit uneasy by it.



<snipped>

Your Master should already be aware that you are a masochist, that you have a need for pain, so to be telling him is kinda pointing out the obvious - TWICE - not to mention it could be considered as trying to top him, designing your dom or even worse, it could result in you undermining his confidence by pointing out something you think he should have already done.  No wonder it makes you both uncomfortable.

Try asking him instead of telling him.

As a masochist myself, my Sir understand it is something fundamental about me, but if I tell Him to beat me, I am going to get precisely nothing.... but if I ask him.... he might... he might not... I never can tell, which is something else he likes - to keep me guessing.

"Perhaps you would consider hurting me later please Sir?"

Gotta be worth a try.

Faith
:: smiles :|:

< Message edited by subsfaith -- 2/6/2008 3:00:44 PM >

(in reply to Belladonna30)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 3:48:29 PM   
subbieforHisuse


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		Excellent advise 'subsfaith'!  i agree with you 100%.
 
my Daddy Dom loves being asked for His permission to do something rather than me telling Him that i want something.  i have a tendency to top from the bottom also, and Daddy has to remind me of my place. 

(in reply to subsfaith)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 3:48:53 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Have you tried spelling it out for him?

"This isn't a punishment for me, if you tried to use it as a punishment for me you might as well be giving the puppy Milkbones for peeing on the carpet. Please, give this to me as a reward. Let me know how happy you are with me by turning my bottom bright red!"

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/6/2008 3:49:21 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Belladonna30)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do i get this from Him??? - 2/6/2008 4:41:27 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		I agree with AquaticSub... Tell him exactly what you just told us here.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 17
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