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Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 11:07:26 AM   
windsorslave4one


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		there are those that enjoy the cuts, bruises, and scars on their bodies as testimony to their need to be hurt.

i can understand that too. i often admired a bruise, a cut, marveling at it. reminding me of how it got there, and my reactions and his.

but...

there is a darker and more difficult type of masochism that thrives on the emotional/psychological aspects of a relationship that often can be much more damaging and not always physically obvious.

In some relationships, i have been classified as a doormat by friends and family. Objectively, it was true, but at the same time, my submission and need for that person was not rationally based.

To strive for praise, not just begging at the knees, but of ridding of the defenses of the self to know you have pleased.

What rational woman would want that? But i did. It was instinctual and body based. It satisfied some aspect of me that at times i did not want to deal with in a sensible manner, but it made me feel ever so good.

To see the pleasure in the eyes of the dominant, or via his words, it just could not compare to the "normal" and "sensible".

To feel humiliated, taken, degraded...suffering perhaps...in a psychological manner that made no sense, yet you crave it and need it?

I am not sure who amongst the submissives are emotional masochists. Ideally, it should be done with a master who actually does care, but understand that aspect of himself as well when engaged in such a relationship.

It can be quite damaging when you are an emotional masochist and you deal with a emotional sadist who is could care less in the end.

Many times, it is a subtle thing to be in such a relationship. It is not so easy to comprehend, but at the base there does need to be a level of trust between the two involved. And the aspect of vulnerability as well.

I remember telling someone of the way i was and how i could not help this instinctual part of myself. he was an emotional sadist (never met him, though), and he said it was normal. he said to not fight what comes naturally, but be careful of it.

As i admired those physical bruises, how does one spend time enjoy the internal ones?
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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 11:29:16 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I'll be interested in the responses. Because like you, windorslave4one I do not believe its healthy either. Thank you for sharing your insight.

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 11:31:58 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I must admit as one who is into humiliation and degradation and a pretty severe way I do not feel that way when after those aspects have played out mentally on me. I enjoy the feeling of differences between levels of emotion felt between normal and the emotional masochism and getting reflective pleasure from seeing how it pleases my Master but cannot say to ever wanting to or being able to admire it in terms of wanting it to linger.

I can see the difference in feeling like that and believing you are like that. I guess as long as feeling that way is not a reflection or a path to feeling you are that way then I could imagine that being interesting.

I have always thought of emotional lingering to be like anything else that is done or I am ask to do that get up on the emotional scale. The linger is that extra oomph in my submission level and desire that is the spice to the way I live.


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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 11:32:26 AM   
windsorslave4one


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Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		 q

< Message edited by windsorslave4one -- 2/6/2008 11:33:34 AM >

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 11:37:30 AM   
LivingInSin


Posts: 326
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		i think its like anything else involved in the lifestyle. it takes trust, honesty, and communication for it to be safe.
i have told a friend that if he wants to see me cry, hurt my body. Leave my mind and emotions alone. After talking to him about it though, im all types of curious about "emotional maschochist".

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 11:50:54 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the situation, trust, respect and understanding of both sides would be a must.

in many ways this is similar but not exact in comparison to my Owner and myself.  i dont get off on the humiliation and degredation as much as i get off on other things however there is a place in between somewhere that just takes me further than i've ever been with anyone else....

~meticulous~

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 11:53:35 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		They seem to like the intensity.

Especially if given the opportunity to overcome the very issues that make the strikes blows-rather then ways to excise boils.

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 11:58:42 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		yes the intensity does have a lot to do with it.....it's not something i can really explain and it's going to effect every person differently.

~meticulous~

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 1:32:58 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		My response can be found in both of these recent threads.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1589318/mpage_1/key_emotional%252Csadism/tm.htm#1589531

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1590404/mpage_1/key_emotional%252Csadism/tm.htm#1590909

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 1:55:29 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		A sadist who doesn't care will rip your flesh apart and possibly leave you damaged and scarred physically. So why do you trust a sadist to beat you? Because you build trust with him before it happens.

Likewise an emotional sadist can leave you broken and scarred. So it's just a different kind of danger, one you should alleviate by building trust first before you let the pain begin. That trust is the safety net, and the reason it is not damaging and psychotic to engage in masochism of the physical and emotional sense. You know that your sadist actually cares, and won't take you beyond what you can handle, they still want you whole in the end. It's not any more unhealthy than physical sadism, if it's given the same caution and care.

How to savor the emotional bruising left behind afterwards? Call up the memory, and relive it. Write about it, channel it into something creative if you want. Discuss it later on, dream about it. That intensity comes back easily enough for me, but it will fade with time, like anything else. If the play went too far, if real hurt was inflicted, it needs to be treated and healed with your Dom, just as if you'd played too hard with your whips and floggers.

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 2:06:02 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

I am not sure who amongst the submissives are emotional masochists. Ideally, it should be done with a master who actually does care, but understand that aspect of himself as well when engaged in such a relationship.


An emotional masochist would get very little pleasure from a Master who cared (unless a momentary administration of caring was thrown in to create randomness of understanding within the slave).

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 2:19:50 PM   
windsorslave4one


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		yes, you got that on the dot.

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 2:50:33 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

I am not sure who amongst the submissives are emotional masochists. Ideally, it should be done with a master who actually does care, but understand that aspect of himself as well when engaged in such a relationship.


An emotional masochist would get very little pleasure from a Master who cared (unless a momentary administration of caring was thrown in to create randomness of understanding within the slave).



That's like saying a physical masochist would get very little pleasure from a relaxing massage. Just because you like pain doesn't mean you hate pleasure.

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 2:52:10 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I know these sorts rather intimately. The charge comes from feeling used. The security-from feeling that have at least marginal use as a toy-or whatever. I can't judge if it's healthy for them or not-but for a sadist-definitley amusing to have around. It's like having your own clown.

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RE: Emotional Masochism -- blows the bruise the inside - 2/6/2008 3:11:43 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		There is no one right way to tell whether a relationship or a desire for emotional masochism is healthy or not.  I have my own radar which works for me and would be difficult to define for someone else but goes something like this. "Am I engaging in  emotionally masochistic activites interactions because I believe I don't deserve any better or am I engaging in them because at the end of the day it makes me feel happy, content and fullfilled.  I can't answer this question for anyone but myself and I know there are people that aren't even able to answer this for themselves.  I believe this kind of relationship takes a lot of self-awareness and trust in your partner.


Personally I've been in a place in my life where I DID dislike myself very much.  I entered into emotionally damaging situations because I coudn't stand up for myself and I was extremely needy.  How do I tell the difference between that time and my current relationship?  All I can say is that I feel the difference and it feels like night and day.  I feel a lot of self-worth even as I beg Master to remind me of my place and I have never felt more confident or walked straighter or taller in the world. 

So in answer to your question I spend time enjoying the internal bruises by reveling in the warmth and happiness they bring me after.  Perhaps that is a difference.  I don't sit there touching my bruises and wincing and crying, I smile and poke them to feel the adrenaline course through my body again.  I relieve a humiliating moment fondly in my memory, with smiles and warm fuzzy feelings.  If the memory was making me feel bad about myself or the activities than perhaps that would be a sign that it was unhealthy.  If someone else has a perspective on this please feel free to let me kno but I for one feel gratitude and warm fuzzy feelings withing minutes of the beating or emotional takedown. 

Thoughts I had on emotional masochism can also be found HERE.

charlotte




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