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RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 6:31:07 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would take 10 years, 10 months and even 10 days. Love is sublime and the pain of loss does eventually lessen while the memories live forever

Jeff

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 6:34:06 AM   
Chaze


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/31/2008
Status: offline 		What risk, what you are talking about is moments in time that forever alter and change the course of human experience. Bonding on a higher plane, merging and melding one unto the other, souls entwined...what fleeting moment can or 50 year span can measure that.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 6:59:53 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Nothing lasts, never be afraid to live life, then instead of grief, all you'll have is regret for all that 'what if's' you are plagued with. We have relationships that last months, or a couple years, and those are good too, so ten years IS a lot. The person in question will die wether you be with them or not... would you be so selfish as to deny them happiness too, just to spare yourself some pain?
Never focus on the negative, focus on the positive, then 'only ten years' becomes 'ten beautiful long years'.

(in reply to Chaze)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:00:40 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Yes I would. I would rather have spent that time together then regret not experiencing it. How do you know you will ever experience that joy and happiness again? You don't, so you have to take it when life presents it. I can't live my life with "what ifs", sometimes taking the risk is the better benefit.

Time might be limited but you would be surprised how you can live and experience a lifetime together in a few short years. I wouldn't want to miss that for anything.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:18:14 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		this thread has me balling....such beautiful hearts.

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Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:23:00 AM   
imber


Posts: 51
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Is the high, worth the low?

You finally did it....you met "The one" there is ZERO doubt in your mind and heart. Everything about this person...EVEN THEIR FLAWS, are a perfect fit with you. You are going to lose this person(meaning they are going to die)....this person will not be in your life for long....probably less then 10 years.(ok I can hear the youngans saying "OMG 10 years is a LONG fuckin time" but trust me its NOT) Do you go for it? Knowing the loss will be life altering and DEVASTATING, and thats not coming close to how bad its REALLY going to feel. Knowing the hurt thats coming....do you take the joy?




You know this exact thing happened to me. I met *the one* and we were going to get married in 4 weeks... on Jan 12th, he went out with his buddies, and got killed in a car crash. I took what pleasure and satisfaction in knowing that he loved me, and i loved him. Ever since Marc, I have had nothing but bad relationships, and nothing but heartache. I find it hard to get close to anyone. I find that there is always a lingering fear that this will happen again. But if I had to do it all over again, I would... because he and i shared alot in those 4 exciting, wonderful, and the most beautiful years we were together.  You never really get over the *loss* of aloved one, You just learn to deal, and live on.

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That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:33:36 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*hugs* imber...

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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:35:35 AM   
SoCurious2Feel


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:



Is the high, worth the low?

You finally did it....you met "The one" there is ZERO doubt in your mind and heart. Everything about this person...EVEN THEIR FLAWS, are a perfect fit with you. You are going to lose this person(meaning they are going to die)....this person will not be in your life for long....probably less then 10 years.(ok I can hear the youngans saying "OMG 10 years is a LONG fuckin time" but trust me its NOT) Do you go for it? Knowing the loss will be life altering and DEVASTATING, and thats not coming close to how bad its REALLY going to feel. Knowing the hurt thats coming....do you take the joy?



I once worked with a guy for 5 years.  We had started dating after 2 years.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt he was everything I wanted in a man.  We had even begun to explore D/s together.  He was a natural Dom which was a fantastic quality of his.  One day he left the office to go to a jobsite and never returned.  I was devastated, it hurt to breathe, the thought of going on seem unimaginable and that feeling in my stomach I had the day of the accident comes back anytime I think of it.  HOWEVER, that was almost 4 years ago and I don't regret knowing him, loving him, or learning with him for a single moment.  My advice would be go for it.  Far better to love like that than to have never loved at all.

< Message edited by SoCurious2Feel -- 2/7/2008 7:36:51 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:42:16 AM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		Absolutely.

I like the quote from Steel Magnolias,

"I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."
 

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:42:23 AM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		Ten years seems short when it's your last ten with them, but it would seem a hell of a long time knowing they're out there, alive, and living life without you, because you gave up your chance with them.

Sorry, but you no longer have the option of skipping the low. You've found them, you want them, and it sounds like you have them...you're going to lose them no matter what. Enjoy the years you have instead of losing them now by choice.


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"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to Gwynvyd)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:44:19 AM   
PleasureRose


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/3/2008
Status: offline 		I'm going to go against the majority.  I was a caregiver to my late husband for 10 of our 11 years of marriage.  I will NEVER, EVER do that to myself again.  If there is a possibility of your mate needing long-term, heavy duty care I strongly advise that you run to the hills.

Let me just lay it out how it really works. (At least in some cases.)  Contrary to popular misconception illness does not bring out the best in a person.  Illness kills sex.  Illness consumes your life.  Imagine having to clean up wounds, handle medications, spend your vacation time taking care of hospitalizations, losing your friends because you have no time for them.  Losing yourself because you have no time for you.  If you really want to know what the real deal is checkout  the WellSpouse internet forum, then decide.  Yes there is love, but for many spousal caregivers the love is killed, or at least overwhelmed, by the enormous burden of caregiving.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:52:33 AM   
imber


Posts: 51
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline 		As a Certified Nursing Assistant a few times in my life, I understand what you are saying PleasureRose.

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That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 7:53:22 AM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PleasureRose

I'm going to go against the majority.  I was a caregiver to my late husband for 10 of our 11 years of marriage.  I will NEVER, EVER do that to myself again.  If there is a possibility of your mate needing long-term, heavy duty care I strongly advise that you run to the hills.

Let me just lay it out how it really works. (At least in some cases.)  Contrary to popular misconception illness does not bring out the best in a person.  Illness kills sex.  Illness consumes your life.  Imagine having to clean up wounds, handle medications, spend your vacation time taking care of hospitalizations, losing your friends because you have no time for them.  Losing yourself because you have no time for you.  If you really want to know what the real deal is checkout  the WellSpouse internet forum, then decide.  Yes there is love, but for many spousal caregivers the love is killed, or at least overwhelmed, by the enormous burden of caregiving.


Agreed.
It sounds like the OP was referring only to the loss of love as a consequence, and if she isn't concerned with anything else, then I feel my above post is sufficient.
But if you're talking your whole life with them, if there is care involved and sacrifice on your part other than the final loss, I highly encourage you to weigh all the odds and remember that love alone is not enough.


_____________________________



"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to PleasureRose)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 8:55:53 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I really don't believe in that saying "tis better to have loved and lost.." 
Then heck.. the guy is going to die in ten years? That is a long time.  Even if it was two years, who is to say that you will last that long?  Life happens, so does death.  None of us has a garauntee of permanance.  Take what you can, while you can, death is inevidible for us all.
Would I give up a chance to be happy if only for a while?  No, not for any fear, or insecurity, for love I would just dive in and ride it while the wave lasted, even if I ended up crashed upon the rocks.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 9:11:47 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Is the high, worth the low?

You finally did it....you met "The one" there is ZERO doubt in your mind and heart. Everything about this person...EVEN THEIR FLAWS, are a perfect fit with you. You are going to lose this person(meaning they are going to die)....this person will not be in your life for long....probably less then 10 years.(ok I can hear the youngans saying "OMG 10 years is a LONG fuckin time" but trust me its NOT) Do you go for it? Knowing the loss will be life altering and DEVASTATING, and thats not coming close to how bad its REALLY going to feel. Knowing the hurt thats coming....do you take the joy?


absol-fucking-lutly

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 9:19:01 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Do you go for it? Knowing the loss will be life altering and DEVASTATING, and thats not coming close to how bad its REALLY going to feel. Knowing the hurt thats coming....do you take the joy?


Absolutely. 10 good years with the right one is worth 100 with someone you settle for. Assuming that the persons quality of life is not going to be nil, of course, I would not think twice.
HOWEVER, if this same wonderful person was going to be aboslutely incapacitated and miserable, would feel guilty for putting me through the problems associated with their decline and would forever ruin their image in my eyes, I might not be so fast to take it. 10 years is a very long time, its long enough to love but it is unfortunately also long enough to hate. I would never be with someone, no matter how perfect the union, who would be putting us both in a position where we would wind up hating one another by the end.

DV


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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 10:35:53 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		We all are going to die is the hard realization. Every permanent relationship breaks the permanent part because one dies. I understand dying is part of life and my greatest fear would be if I hadn’t experienced fantastic flowing rapids of love and excitement. I want my kayak to dip down under the whitewater of emotions and break back up rapidly, surfacing as the water drips from my eyes like tears clearing, letting me see the bright sun and blue sky, gasping for air and knowing that I’m alive. There is more than one kind of paddle in my hand propelling me down the thrilling river.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 11:04:10 AM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Interesting question... if i ever actually meet "the One"  i might have a more clear answer. 

At this point, i would say that being with someone that is a "perfect fit" for me, my flaws, quirks and kinks would be worth it, no matter the time we had together. i would dive in and not worry about the future. 

edited to add... i think working around death makes me more aware of how fleeting and uncertain our time here is, and has definitely increased my apprecation for any happiness and joy i find as i amble my way to the end of my journey.

< Message edited by sweetwenchie -- 2/7/2008 11:05:33 AM >

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"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 11:23:03 AM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		absolutely
it took us a whole lifetime to find each other and neither of us will walk away without a fight.
whether we have days, months or years left together we will spend them together and count our blessings every single day.
The memories we are building daily will help the one who is left to go on.
hugs from another one who finally 'gets' all those soppy love songs
c

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Count the Cost - 2/7/2008 2:03:45 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		Is it worth it?  Hell yes!!!  One minute he's alive and all you can talk about is your past, present and future together.  The next minute, he's gone and you can't even begin to think about the next day without him let alone any kind of future.   It took me years not to be pissed off at him because he "left" me.   I look back now and realize that I am the woman I am in part  because of the years we were together.   Just about everyone here has said the same thing .. you have to live your life as if there is no tomorrow.     Death is the only guarantee we have.   I'm going to make sure that I have no regrets.  

(in reply to completenz)
Profile   Post #: 60
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