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Focus50 -> RE: Do you ever get the feeling you're too eager? (2/9/2008 4:34:46 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: aidan
It seems to be a pretty wide-spread trait in humans, that we want the things we seemingly can't have, or will have a hard time getting.
Now, I consider myself to be a good submissive for the most part. I like to play, I try to experience and experiment with new thing, and while I may be nervous about some BDSM activities that I haven't tried, but I work to overcome those worries and I generally find the things I do to be fun and enjoyable. I try to serve in useful and creative ways (when the opportunity presents itself in a relationship), and be entertaining and fun to be around amongst friends. I aim to please, so to speak.
A friend in chat last night said she was enjoying the "challenge" of a submissive whom she met that was playing hard-to-get. She's someone I've had a crush on for years and never seemed to woo, and listening to her last night was something of an eye-opener.
Do you, as a submissive, sometimes feel that you might be too "willing" or "eager", and that this might put some Dommes (or Doms) off? Not that you'll just kneel to the first person who tells you to, but that you might seem to want it too much?
Not quite what you're asking but this thread reminded me of an experience many years back. Quite the opposite of playing hard to get, actually....
First, let me preface by saying there's NOTHING wrong with a sub being eager to experience firsthand domination - anticipation does that! It's especially common with newbies; which invite the dangers of trusting too much, too soon.
But eagerness does not work well with a D/s dynamic. The sub I speak of was not a newbie. We'd been dating a few weeks but we really only had privacy on the weekends (because of her kids). But I'll never forget the first time I had her standing naked before me with her hands bound behind. Her expression was all "wrong" - she had an overwhelming grin of anticipation and she couldn't stop fidgeting. So I instinctively pounced - I slapped her quite hard across the face and demanded of her "WHAT, YOU THINK I'M JUST HERE TO ENTERTAIN *YOU*???"
And in an instant, all was well. I had her attention and focus (the verb AND me) had replaced eagerness - and a D/s dynamic was born.... The rest is no-one's business. lol
Eagerness is not a bad thing; indeed, it's a compliment. But in a lifestyle that utilises discipline and control, it needs to be channelled and controlled in its own right for both D & s to enjoy the benefits of mutual domination/submission.
Focus.
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