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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/9/2008 1:14:53 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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In a sense, I tend to think the OP has some validity. If someone is really looking, but limiting themselves to the net alone, they would have to come to terms with the fact that they weren't exploring all of their options, thereby reducing their chances. Just like if you were searching for anything else. Would it help the cause to look in more than one place? Not everything is going to drop into your lap while you sit in front of the screen.

As for paying for sites, like this one and others, I don't know if I would or not. If I did, it would more be along the lines of paying for ones like CM for the message board for the entertainment value. Unlike some of the others that have posted, I've had quite a bit of luck through alt as far as meeting people. With that, I have to add the disclaimer that the people I've met through there is also because I was willing to get out and meet them. It's difficult to say whether I've met more people through alt or through CM, because many have profiles on both sites.

Speaking of alt, I don't pay there. It is easier for females who are non-paying members to get priviledges due to a little loop hole that they set up. At a certain number of hits on a profile, you can do more things, such as see more profiles or send mail. It happens to work in the advantage of women because more males will look at the profile of a female with a picture up. I can literally log in, join a chat room, leave the computer, and get the required number of hits by the time I come back to it later. The following day, I can do anything there that I want.

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Post #: 81

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/9/2008 6:35:57 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

when the student is ready the teacher/s will come...works that way in relationships too.

so no, the outward efforts to find someone (pay sites, munches) may very little difference as to how successful they will be,what matters is thier mind set, how important is this to them?

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Post #: 82

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/9/2008 7:10:17 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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I'm surprised so many people think munches are the way to go. That is probably the last place I'd seek a partner from, speaking from my own experiences at them. It's as much meat market at a munch as it is on-line.

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Post #: 83

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/9/2008 7:12:21 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
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Wonder what it would take to incorporate and put up a eharmony/match.com type of site for BDSM. Somehow I don't think either of those really explores that aspect of emotional/sexual matching much. The sites do draw in a good income however for their companies.

Anyway, yes Sites like this can help though you are going to get posers, no shows etc. but options truly do need to be open. A combination of these sites for glimpses into people through their postings and information, munches and other social events along with caution can help you define what you are looking for and find it. Like anything else in life, you have to sift through a lot of ore to find a gem.

poenkitten

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Post #: 84

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/9/2008 7:55:30 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I'm surprised so many people think munches are the way to go. That is probably the last place I'd seek a partner from, speaking from my own experiences at them. It's as much meat market at a munch as it is on-line.

The munch groups in my area are not places to meet potential partners as the majority are already 'coupled-up' and trolling is really frowned upon. No meat-markets here. It is a good place to meet people and network and to learn. Be prepared to be looked at like a foreign object and like regulars would want to poke you with a stick before striking up a conversation, but once past that part, it at least puts one in contact with others who know others and its a place to see and be seen. i personally have never had anyone from a munch group be interested in me relationship-wise but has still been an overall positive experience.

Truth is.... if you go around chanting the mantra of 'I'll never find anyone!!" the Universe has a habit of making your thoughts your reality. Since perception is reality.... if you don't like your reality, try changing your perception.

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Post #: 85

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/9/2008 9:01:39 AM

shigglyboom

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

At times, it seems stupid to me to use sites and such. You meet people who want a relationship, not you. They may have requirements for who their relationship is with. You may meet the person's exact requirements. But it's like filling a job or other role; it's less natural and more contrieved. People come here looking for partners or/and sex; it's not like they meet and get to know eachother without such intentions then com to develop such desires personally for the other person.

Not that I'm ragging on just CM or anything. Same deal with other dating/sex services, bars, singles' clubs, etc.

It's weird. The concept's so subtle that I'm having difficulty articulating it. It's at times like this I wish I could write some magical rune which would speak empathetically.

CL, I completely empathize with what you are saying here. It's awkward when people are meeting and the focus is on sizing each other up for fit into a relationship rather than just appreciating the other for themselves. Not to condemn dating sites - they are useful - but they seem to foster this tunnel vision where one finds oneself sitting across from someone halfway through lunch and thinking "uh oh, mostly what we have in common is that we're both looking for someone."

I've learned it's much more beneficial to look at it as a way of starting friendships with people I'd never otherwise meet. It's still frustrating, since it doesn't help either of us reach our relationship goals, but it's much more satisfying to recognize (and be recognized as having

) value beyond just partner potential.

Do I deserve to be single? Probably. I'm very particular and very specific in what kind of person I want to submit to. That knocks out about 98% of the population. I'm ok with waiting until the right person comes along.

As for Collarme specifically, I think the return on investment here, like anywhere, depends on time and chance, not money. I've met AMAZING people by reading these boards or profiles and writing to people I admired. Anytime I try to shortcut - like choosing people here based on geography, or going to munches (i.e. choosing based on geography + extroversion), or joining Eharmony and getting someone else's idea of who was right for me - I've been disappointed.

Thanks for the provocative post, Aakasha.

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Post #: 86

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/9/2008 9:06:20 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

I've learned it's much more beneficial to look at it as a way of starting friendships with people I'd never otherwise meet. It's still frustrating, since it doesn't help either of us reach our relationship goals, but it's much more satisfying to recognize (and be recognized as having ) value beyond just partner potential.

True, I've met some cool people whom I have made friendships with whom I otherwise would never have known without this venue. I think it helps if people are calmer about trying to form relationships. Years ago that was my main focus, since then I've done a lot of thinking and my thought now is, if it happens, great, if not, that's okay too, I can wait and I will live my life for me. I've come to the conclusion that so few people seem to "get" me that it's okay if just a few understand who I am and what I'm about. I'd rather appeal to a select few than to the masses at large. Nothing wrong with being

quote:

very particular and very specific

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Post #: 87

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/9/2008 10:21:22 AM

summerblossom

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/17/2007
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the reason i dont meet people in other places outside of the computer is because i have some personal issues im working through......not everyone out there is able to just find groups and go to them especially when you have to rely on other forms of transportation than a car

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Post #: 88

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/9/2008 2:02:58 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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So to sum up lol.
We are all different. I'm a round peg and people keep trying to knock me into square holes.
I like CM because it's free and the best site.
I go to my local munch now I've found out that there is one.
Well I will if they invite me back again.
I have a lot of issues I am working through and the message boards and talking to others on here are helping me to come to terms with them. I do what I can to help others as well.
I spend a lot of time on here.
Intensive therapy isn't an option.
It isn't available on the NHS and I can't afford to pay for it.
I also have a free profile on alt with a mention of this site.
My answer to mail from people I don't want to talk to is a polite response saying no and then block if it is returned. I have only had to block one person. And I have only ever been blocked by one person. I must admit I deserved it lol. I was having a laugh at his expense.Very few people understand my sense of humour.
People rarely deserve what they get in life. Either good or bad. Where and to whom you are born defines a lot of who someone is and what they can expect out of life. Sometimes you can change that depending on what you do but not always.
My sympathy goes to the guy who got the job in the bank.
I would love to get to the bottom of who you are AAkasha.
I've got most of the regular posters sussed.
I'll get there in the end.
You obviously love attention. I've always agreed with the people who say there is no such thing as bad publicity.

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Post #: 89

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/10/2008 4:12:48 AM

tulitukka

Posts: 95
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Would you be willing to pay $50 a month for a personals service that guaranteed no pros were lurking? No tribute seekers? How about $100? How about $10? These are rhetorical questions, but the answers may be interesting.

Do you pay for a personals service (bondage.com, alt, whatever) and if so, are the results considerably better than here? Do you waste less time there?

If you don't choose to search for partners via other means - parties, munches, etc., what's the reason?

Akasha

I wouldn't be willing to pay for personalized service. That's partly, because I think such a service attracts the wrong kind of people (I may be wrong, though). And because it would put me in a very much wrong mood for searching partners. I may not be aggressive enough in my search, which is probably the reason I was single for so long. Now I am not and I am not in a hurry to find new relationships - though still searching.

I don't limit myself to CM, if and when I meet people elsewhere, of course, I'll also keep an eye open for new partners. After all, it's rather rare thing to meet somebody who really clicks.

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Post #: 90

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/10/2008 6:14:01 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
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First, you're assuming that paying for a site increases your chances, or somehow buys you into a "higher level" of potential partners. Such is NOT the case. All you end up doing is getting on another site which has the same number of jerks and time wasters on it, except that they are willing to pay $25 a month or more to jerk you around.

Finding partners online in itself is a major crap shoot.

And no, I don't go to munches in my area. I'm in Centeral Arkansas. There aren't any. I spent two years trying to find one. There aren't any play parties either. What groups exist here are more like high school cliques, rather than groups of adults into kink.

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Post #: 91

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/10/2008 11:02:08 AM

warmdomination12

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/18/2007
Status: offline

Being single is of course a choice. Some people simply prefer it.

I do think that many single people that are miserable are miserable peoople that need to focus on their lives, not, bringing someone else into it.

Looking in the mirror and coming to grips with your shortcomings and addressing them is something that a lot of people are very uncomfortable with. Their own shortcomings, failures, quirks etc.
The sooner we concentrate on being a better individual and the contentment that comes with that----the sooner we can make a good mate for someone else. The process gets a lot easier imho.
Even if you are looking at a smaller segment of society (dom/sub) there are plenty of nice people out there. It doesnt always happen overnight though---but thats true in any segment of society.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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Post #: 92

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/10/2008 2:55:50 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
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i havn't searched in five years....both my previous Master / Mistress couple and my current Master i found on alt w/o paying, i dont pay for paysites when i dont need to however my impression from both b.com and alt is the majority of people that are there, are here so it's kind of pointless to pay for something when you can get it for free elsewhere.

as for munches and parties, i might attempt it in the future but, the majority of people that are in attendance at those are 1st of all not in age compatibility and 2nd are not compatible period through what i have seen and heard out of some of their emails off of local group web sites / email lists.

~meticulous~

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Post #: 93

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/10/2008 5:13:02 PM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
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I LOVE being single!!!!!

Pamela

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Post #: 94