RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you?

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RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 3:02:55 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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You obey whom you decide to obey. She can give orders, but even if you're owned, you still have the choice. Of course, when you're owned, the likelihood that you will choose to obey goes up considerably.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to ThemisUnderfoot)

Post #: 21

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 3:37:11 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

The question is, what do you want to serve now - your potential owner, or your addiction?

You know, one of the reasons I love coming here is to see something I'd never considered in quite that way before. Thanks girlie - awesome question.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 22

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 7:46:51 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
I know the difficulties of addiction. My family is fraught with them and I have battled my own. The question is, what do you want to serve now - your potential owner, or your addiction? And what effort do you want to put into that service?

That's a great question. But I wonder how the answers would be if the mistress was requesting that he stop his weekly pizza night with his son?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 23

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 9:10:17 PM

Zaraseeks

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

Tee hee

< Message edited by Zaraseeks -- 2/8/2008 9:12:53 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 24

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 9:13:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zaraseeks
the lack of title bothers me, and yet I feel like I cant bitch...who wants a whiney sub anyways?

That's exactly what I mentioned in my other response. Bringing up issues and sharing feelings is not whining- if done appropriately and sincerely, by taking ownership, not blaming and working towards a mutual productive solutions.

quote:

One thing that did really bother me was there didnt seem to be positive reinforcment on me not smokeing, but then I blame that on myself, because there was a time I slipped, and if She has never smoked or known a smoker, She doesnt know how easy it is, She thought I was testing Her by doing it!
Thank you everyone, awesome replys!

Exactly. It's gotten to the point where the easy part is done, and just giving orders and obeying isn't going to cut it. There needs to be more accountability and communication on all sides.

I honestly don't think anyone has done anything "wrong" here at all. In fact you seem to have followed a very natural path of progression with eachother and are mostly good. It's just life has said "OK here's a road bump" as it always does, and it's time to learn how to work together through it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Zaraseeks)

Post #: 25

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 9:17:28 PM

ThemisUnderfoot

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/8/2008
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Thanks LA, You have great insight!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 26

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 9:24:48 PM

ThemisUnderfoot

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/8/2008
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I talked to Her today, and She pointed out that She didnt plan to get close the way Wwe have, and went so far as to say "When you left I wasnt in love with you yet" (when I left from visiting Her, as I said we have talked hours a day since) And She made Herself very vulnerable in the conversation we had, She also back tracked me to explain why She first gave the order, which makes perfect sense..

(in reply to ThemisUnderfoot)

Post #: 27

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 9:28:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

OK you don't need to share every detail of the conversations, just a general status is good. Keep up the open communication with her and start really making some decisions together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ThemisUnderfoot)

Post #: 28

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 9:45:51 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
I know the difficulties of addiction. My family is fraught with them and I have battled my own. The question is, what do you want to serve now - your potential owner, or your addiction? And what effort do you want to put into that service?

That's a great question. But I wonder how the answers would be if the mistress was requesting that he stop his weekly pizza night with his son?

I don't view father/son together time as an addiction. I view it as a healthy relationship.

If the Mistress said no more seeing your son, then the sub would have to determine what his priority is, what the reasoning was, and if he could change the tradition to something else while still seeing his son. Maybe the son is a destructive ass. Too many factors. But it's apples to oranges.

If the Mistress said see your son but eat something healthier, then it's a no brainer to me :)

Master says no smoking because he is allergic to it and because he chose to protect my health. It is a reasonable requirement. I was willing to not start up again as a result.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 29

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 9:51:32 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Master says no smoking because he is allergic to it and because he chose to protect my health. It is a reasonable requirement. I was willing to not start up again as a result.

But he was also very clear on expectations, commitment, follow through and long term ideals.

Lacking here.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 30

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/8/2008 9:59:48 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
But he was also very clear on expectations, commitment, follow through and long term ideals.

Lacking here.

True on both counts, yes.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/9/2008 1:30:41 AM

Zaraseeks

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

Love it MasterFireMaam! You are great at making things simple!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 32

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/9/2008 3:23:54 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I guess my question is "did you want to quit smoking in the first place?" Cause to me, if you did, she was merely facilitating the process and if you didn't, then ok, you can go either way regarding distance, no collar, etc. However, I know that I'd expect to be asked things that were more difficult along the way in my Master's decision making process as to whether he was going to collar me or not.

And ya gotta admit, quitting smoking is pretty decent in the way of healthy decisions to make.

So, here's a second question...

When you first started quitting smoking - in that first day or so...were you so up in arms about it? Cause if you weren't. is this more of an issue of you don't know if you should follow the orders of someone you're not collared to... or is this a case of you REALLY want that cigarette and this is just one more rationalization of your desire, without actually having to admit that this is darn hard and you've had a weak moment?

Way back in my church-going days, I had a priest once say that so many people consider the wedding ring a beginning... and he guessed it could be. But more than the beginning, it also should be a culminating thing - and ending. He said that far too many people enter marriage without really knowing their partner. They look at the time after marital vows as the time to get to know their spouses. To him, that is what dating is for...so that by the time you're going into a marriage, you know the person you're marrying very well.

I pretty much take that view of collaring. So many people say "I'm not following orders until I'm collared!" But then, how well do they know their Masters? How well do Masters really know their submissives? Perhaps it's just my presumption, but if collaring is such a momentous event in people's lives, wouldn't they want to be sure of whose collar they're accepting/who they're offering their collar to? Shouldn't the collar be the culminating event in the process of getting to know someone well enough to be able to anticipate how they will react to orders with a reasonable degree of assurance? If that's the case, I can see where a dominant would give orders - some easy, some difficult - in the process prior to decisions regarding collars.

And isn't the proclamation "I'm not following anyone's orders unless I'm collared to them" merely an expression designed to remind us to take the care necessary to make good judgments regarding the people we choose to see and serve?

Stopping pizza with someone's son would be a pretty darn good clue that this was someone that would not be a good match. Quitting smoking winds up on the positive side of the argument to me. Yes, it's difficult. Yes there are all sorts of medical chemical, strength of addiction, yada yada yada things she should be concerned about. On the other hand, what she's ultimately asking you to do - quit smoking - while difficult - very difficult, is better for you than continuing to smoke. And it's a nifty little way of finding out if you can manage the tough stuff she might dish out.

In short, while she is seeing what you're made of, she's giving you the opportunity to see what she's made of. This isn't the last time she'll do this. It doesn't mean you should stop being attentive, and it doesn't mean you should toss your needs to the wind, but it does give you some nice information about this dominant YOU are considering.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 2/9/2008 3:27:28 AM >

(in reply to Zaraseeks)

Post #: 33

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/9/2008 11:03:28 AM

ruthiexxxx

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline

i've been wobbling on and off tobacco for ages. i'd done really well without for a couple of years till my then partner became ill and died over the course of a year. that got me back on [or my weak will did!] and i've been struggling ever since.
since i met my Dom i've been greatly helped by His detestation of tobacco [both happy about weed thank goodness!] and i will never smoke in His presence. i'm going to ask Him to forbid me to smoke and think this will be enough to tip the balance in my favour. i would hate to do something that He had absolutely forbidden me to do. it wd be like saying He's not really my Dom. and that might save my life!

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 34

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/9/2008 4:49:30 PM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

I have to wonder, and YMMV but it seems as if she has been testing you to see what your suitability for her needs and how yours mesh with hers. Collars are not just a piece of metal or leather around the neck. To me the first collar, the most important one is around the heart and mind. Everything else is symbolic of that oh so important one.

Yes she has said she would not control you from a distance, she did not say You would not control you from a distance for her. Nothing she has ordered has been sexual from what you have said, has all been for your own health, and while she may have issued it as an order, you made the choice to follow it and to report to her when you failed in doing it, all after having met. You have already made the decision to move closer to her. You have already met more than once, talk constantly, etc. and both of you are strongly considering that collar. Welp it sounds like that collar is already there, around your heart and mind, and around hers as well. Barring something going horribly wrong on either side, it looks like you have both voluntarily made a decision. You are voluntarily giving over controls that are still firmly within your grasp and she is taking it.

Sounds like a match.

poenkitten (whose Master took some conrols before they were together)

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 35

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/10/2008 8:48:58 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

i think she's testing you to see how far you will go, to see how serious you are about her, and about your servitude to her or within the lifestyle in general.

communication as always is key here.

~meticulous~

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 36

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/10/2008 9:33:54 AM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

I beleive you aswered all your own questions; you like..you want you'd not do this for anyone else...Not its time to bring all this up..rrespectfully ...to her attention as well

Huntertn

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 37

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/11/2008 9:22:29 AM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThemisUnderfoot
why She is reluctant to take ownership yet happy to give out commands that are normally reserved for a more serious relationship...which I think I need to post about on "Ask a Mistress"

just curious if you made this thread or not
because i find many dom/mes play this game all the time
dont want the responsibilty of the sub but very needy to have that devotion

(in reply to ThemisUnderfoot)

Post #: 38

RE: Would you xyz for a Dom/me that DIDNT own you? - 2/12/2008 6:33:12 AM

WillowRain

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThemisUnderfoot

Sorry for the indescriptive title, not sure how to say this though. So I met a Domme about 5 months ago, while I was in another relationship, I was looking at Her as a potiential play partner. We didnt meet real life untill a month or so ago, after my relationship ended. When we DID meet, it was amazing, we really hit it off, and that surprised us both. Since then I have talked to Her everyday, for hours each day. She lives about 5 hours away. We both have been careful to remain logical and not get ahead of ourselves, after all we just met real life. Heres the thing...She has changed the rules that She made. At first She said She couldnt comand me to do things at a distance if She werent there to inforce them, and also added, She doesnt own me. Well, She is a health nut, as time went by I was no longer allowed soda, (which She had good reason for, I have a bad liver and the high fructose corn syrup is bad for that) I was addicted to soda, and its good to not drink it, but I wonder why I obey when I dont have the commitment of Her being an owner. Also I *was* a smoker, She knew this, wasnt a hard limit for Her, even after Wwe met and I left She said She cant interfer when I am not there. Sure enough the order came to not smoke anymore, and without aide, cold turkey. Yes, I needed to stop smoking, but its so hard, (She has never even known a smoker, so She honestly doesnt get it) I did once slip and smoked, and She was so upset, and really let me know I disappointed Her, (awful to hear as a sub but deserved) She still brings it up. Today I was sitting there thinking about how I wanted a cigarette, but She said She would be so mad She wouldnt punish me, which is the worst punishment! Then I started thinking, "hey, she doesnt own me, She said She wouldnt take these forms of control...hmm" So I wonder how others would feel, as I feel torn!
I love haveing the feeling of someone I adore taking this control, and taking it so fully, without doubting Herself, but then it bothers me, I told myself I wouldnt stop smokeing for a Domme who didnt collar me. The thing is I am moving to live closer to Her, I am seeking Her collar, I do want to be Hers, but how far is it that She take the control without the title which would bring the responsibility of ownership?
To be far though, She did mention "fixing that" (not having a collar) And talked about ordering one, She refers to me as Hers...lol, ok I should be talking to Her about this!
My question is, what would other subs do for a Dom/me that strongly had their attention, but didnt own them? And for smokers...would you quit smoking for a Dom/me

She's giving you pushes in directions you know you should go for your own health and well being. It's up to you to decide what you are comfortable with, but the fact that she's encouraging you toward stuff that honestly benefits you way more than her would affect my personal choices in that if I were you. Talk to her about the shift in what she "said" as compared to what she is "doing." My bet is that ya'll will figure things right out. Good luck, and how lovely that she is so interested in your welfair and health.

(in reply to ThemisUnderfoot)

Post #: 39

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