Role reversal

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elizabethVI -> Role reversal (2/8/2008 4:51:02 PM)
At what point have the roles been reversed or is it just normal 24/7 man/woman, husband/wife. i have to practically force Master to take His vitamins/medications, eat better, exercise, get things done that He says He wants to get done, read books for classes He is supposed to read, Not eat foods that the doctor says He can not eat....etc etc etc. Along with all that i don't feel anyone is taking care of my needs...i no longer even care about my wants but it would be nice if someone would help me out with some of my needs once in a while. Have we lost the D/s relationship and now it's vanilla husband verses wife? Should i just let Him do whatever no matter the risk to His health and home and assume He knows best? i feel some of these things are really important to just let go...

Nineveh -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 5:12:14 PM)
It sounds to me like you are Domming him. It looks like both of you have become a bit too comfortable with each other and need something to shake things up and remind you who is supposed to be in charge.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 6:06:54 PM)
It sounds to me as she is being a good submissive and taking care of him. When I am able to take care of HoneyMaster, in whatever way I can, (even if I have to do it to Him kicking and screaming jk), I feel that I have been in service to Him. And He does always thank me, because He knows I love Him and want the best for Him. ~Christina

Chocodelite4U -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 6:42:09 PM)
Sounds like a normal hubby wife relationship were wifey makes sure hubby needs are taken care of and he stays healthy wealthy and wise, Just call you sally homemaker or a great sub, and he really respect you and no one never ever better not think about saying anything about you correct let alone do something wrong to you. All hell would pay! Hubby wifey. Next time make sure you say thank you when your getting a swat on the bum

Nineveh -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 6:49:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chocodelite4U Sounds like a normal hubby wife relationship were wifey makes sure hubby needs are taken care of and he stays healthy wealthy and wise, Just call you sally homemaker or a great sub, and he really respect you and no one never ever better not think about saying anything about you correct let alone do something wrong to you. All hell would pay! Hubby wifey. Next time make sure you say thank you when your getting a swat on the bum It doesn't look like the OP wants to be a good wifey though. It looks like she wants to be a sub, kept in line and controlled, and that is not what he is doing any longer.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 6:55:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elizabethVI At what point have the roles been reversed or is it just normal 24/7 man/woman, husband/wife. i have to practically force Master to take His vitamins/medications, eat better, exercise, get things done that He says He wants to get done, read books for classes He is supposed to read, Not eat foods that the doctor says He can not eat....etc etc etc. Along with all that i don't feel anyone is taking care of my needs...i no longer even care about my wants but it would be nice if someone would help me out with some of my needs once in a while. Have we lost the D/s relationship and now it's vanilla husband verses wife? Should i just let Him do whatever no matter the risk to His health and home and assume He knows best? i feel some of these things are really important to just let go... Hi elizabethVI, Sounds like you have the typical husband/wife relationship. You are a wife who cares about her husband. If he were interested in having a D/s relationship, he would take care of the things he needs to do to make sure he is fit to take care of you. That is what a Master does. He takes responsibility for himself. He does not need to be begged or henpecked to take his meds and eat the right foods. No, I do not suggest you give up and assume he knows best, because he obviously doesn't know best. If his best is to allow himself to fall apart physically, and most likely mentally (as it is sure to follow) then his best is not good enough anymore. As his wife (Never mind the D/s part) it is part of your own responsibility to make sure that your husband (man) is doing things to ensure his health. IMO, he is not a Master, but rather a husband who doesn't care about himself or his wife for that matter. I hope this post was not too harsh. I encourage you to continue reading the threads here and perhaps showing him some of them too. Good luck and welcome to the forums :) MoGa

TracyTaken -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 7:58:35 PM)
You've become mommy.

DesFIP -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 8:48:20 PM)
So stop. Stop telling him what to do. He's an adult. If he chooses to eat things that cause him heartburn and he is up all night and miserable, don't assume responsibility, don't point out what he did to cause it, and don't baby him. Just "Gee, that's too bad, I hope you feel better, good night". If you stop taking responsibility for him, then he'll have to step up to the plate. As far as your needs. Ask for concrete things. Not "I don't feel your dominance anymore". Simple things like "I'm overloaded, you need to start paying the bills from now on because I can't do it" or "you need to pick jr up Tuesdays and Thursdays because I can't" or even "this needs to be fixed, can you get to it this week or should I call the plumber/mechanic/electrician?". And when it doesn't get done call the professional, and tell him it was a pity he couldn't find the time to repair it himself, and you'll be eating rice and beans for a month because the expense has killed the budget. Your job is not to shelter him from the harsh realities of the world. If he steps up to the plate, be grateful. Thank him for taking over this responsibility that you aren't capable of handling any more. And if he won't do what he says, and he isn't carrying his own share of the load, then you need to reconsider why you are in this relationship.

antipode -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 9:05:12 PM)
Sounds to me like he has a medical problem, and is in denial. You may want to talk to his doctor, you are acting as an enabler, and helping neither yourself nor him.

hisannabelle -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 10:26:14 PM)
greetings elizabeth, personally, it sounds like he needs to grow up. there is a point at which i do things to take care of my master, but there is a point at which he's supposed to be a responsible adult, too. he doesn't have to stand over me and make me do my schoolwork; he's not in school, but that's where i'd draw the line for him. cooking, cleaning, reminding him to take his meds or where his glasses are, that's one thing. but he ought to know how to pay his own bills and do his own work. it doesn't sound like your partner's specifically disrespecting your needs - he just sounds either too immature, too tied up in his own problems, or both. either way, you have to talk with him about it and if he's not willing to change things, decide what you are and are not willing to accept. respectfully, annabelle.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Role reversal (2/8/2008 11:27:24 PM)
I'm all for putting the vitamins out with the breakfast I cook for my partner, making sure food in the house includes appropriate items for any diet that needs to be followed, but I won't badger my partner about it. I will express myself on the issue once. I will kindly explain, I love the crap out of them, I want them to be healthy and happy. If they don't want that for themselves, knowing it makes me happy too, then it's out of my hands. When you live inside a close relationship, what you do affects your partner, even your own personal health. The whole "It's my body I'll do what I want' is juvenille and irresponsible. I'd suggest having the talk. the issue needs a serious talk, not casual, you need to shake things down so he can see them clearly. Next on the agenda, your D/s. Is he still even interested in the dynamic? If not, some hard decisions lay ahead. If he is still interested in having the D/s dynamic as part of your marriage, then he needs to address that from his end.

mefisto69 -> RE: Role reversal (2/9/2008 5:12:18 AM)
from your post, it sounds like he is depressed about his ailments. he may need some professional help with that. BUT - if you are in a bratty mood, you might want to present him with a blank $5 mill. life insurance policy and if that doesn't energise him..... get some cemetary brochures and leave them about the house.

MadRabbit -> RE: Role reversal (2/9/2008 7:13:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode Sounds to me like he has a medical problem, and is in denial. . Is that what they are calling laziness these days? I figured it would eventually happen since everything else is not anyone's fault. Edited to Add : For the sake of fairness, these things could also point strongly to clinical depression.

BlackPhx -> RE: Role reversal (2/9/2008 8:59:43 AM)
I have to agree with Madrabbit. It could be clinical depression, and depending on the medications he takes (if they are a daily item) could be a side effect of those medications, problems at work, or a myriad of things. As for your needs, toss the kids out of the house, sit down to an adult dinner and discuss what is not being met of your needs without accusation, and do it respectfully and politely. Let him know that you miss that side of your life with him but LISTEN as well to what he says. He may have gotten the feeling that YOU are not interested any more, and are only paying lip service to it. All of what you do and more I do for Master. The vitamins are out there, I make the appointments for the Doctors and ensure he doesn't forget them, I cook healthily and clean, and deal with a lot of the household minutea. When he job required him to travel 3 weeks of the month and spend the 4th in the office, I made sure repairs got done, the lawn was cared for and that he had the totals of the monthly bills so he could pay them on time. I made his life easier where I could, while he made mine delightful when he was in town and could relax enough with everything done to enjoy our time together without running around trying to play catch up with everything else. Above all else we talked about our needs, before, sometimes during and after, just to make sure we STAYED on the same page or at least in the neighborhood. poenkitten

Chocodelite4U -> RE: Role reversal (2/9/2008 2:33:19 PM)
Couldn't have said it better BlackPhx. In any relationship you must pull together not apart or that is what will happen. Some of the items OP did i thought were sweet and that a great sub would do for her master. Some Master want a Sally homemaker. those are hard to find in a nilla world or any where. Can the Men say Amen? My question is does he stay home all the time or does he work hard 50 to 60 hours a week and makes sure there enough money to take care of the bills. If so yoour only sending off the payment to the collector not paying the bills. the working Master is paying the bill with his hard work. Also its a "guy thing" to eat hotwing, subs, pizza, and all the other stuff they said isn't good for us. My doctor told me just do it in moderation, because there no sense in saying don't do it, "Men don't listen anyhow", That when i first met her at the VA four years ago.

Leatherist -> RE: Role reversal (2/10/2008 7:04:53 AM)
I think you have to look at a small paradox here. If someone is dominant, they can be vanilla too. Which means having the control NOT to have to control.

mstrj69 -> RE: Role reversal (2/10/2008 3:13:24 PM)
It sounds to me like he is going to college from the op's statement she has to get him to read the books he beend to read for class. School, combined with a full time job combined with a wife or sub is very hard. My question is will it change after he gets finished with school and does she want to wait that long ? I also think she meant to say in her last sentence "some of these are" too "important to let go" I agree a good discussion is in order between the two of them. If it does not lead to the desired results the op has to decide if she wants to continue to be with him or move on while trying to find someone else.

MistressDolly -> RE: Role reversal (2/14/2008 12:28:06 PM)
Communicate your concerns. Discuss how you're not feeling the D/s dynamic anymore. Be open and receptive to his explanation (he could be going through some personal issues you're not aware of, etc). If nothing changes, reevaluate whether you want to stay. quote: ORIGINAL: hisannabelle greetings elizabeth, personally, it sounds like he needs to grow up. there is a point at which i do things to take care of my master, but there is a point at which he's supposed to be a responsible adult, too. he doesn't have to stand over me and make me do my schoolwork; he's not in school, but that's where i'd draw the line for him. cooking, cleaning, reminding him to take his meds or where his glasses are, that's one thing. but he ought to know how to pay his own bills and do his own work. it doesn't sound like your partner's specifically disrespecting your needs - he just sounds either too immature, too tied up in his own problems, or both. either way, you have to talk with him about it and if he's not willing to change things, decide what you are and are not willing to accept. respectfully, annabelle.

littlebitxxx -> RE: Role reversal (2/14/2008 12:49:20 PM)
Probably sounding harsh but not meaning to offend..... Are you sub or mommy? You are 22, too young to have grown children of your own. Who says you have to force him to do the things any grown adult should know they have to do? He is over the age of majority (I assume) so why can't he do this stuff himself? In my opinion, he has gotten lazy and is taking your submission for granted...you have become his leaner, his mommy so he doesn't have to take any responsibility or self-discipline for himself. The proof is in the not giving anything back to you, looking out for your needs. The "D" in D/s does not stand for "all about me". Someone needs to grow up and start taking care of himself. The other someone needs to stand up and stop taking care of him. There is "caring for" someone, then there is "taking care of" someone. Two different things.

Noah -> RE: Role reversal (2/14/2008 5:42:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nineveh It sounds to me like you are Domming him. It looks like both of you have become a bit too comfortable with each other and need something to shake things up and remind you who is supposed to be in charge. It sounds to me as though the original poster is engaging in patterns of behavior which she could choose to view as devoted service or, as you suggest, Ninevah, in another way altogether. How a submissive chooses to view and characterize her behavior is not something that her partner can directly control. Neither is it something she can control instantly in a snap of the fingers sort of way. Nevertheless it is something she can exert a high degree of control over, over the course of time. Some submissives enter relationships saying things like "I want it to be about serving and pleasing you; that is where I will find my satisfaction," only to discover that this isn't a good fit for them in the long run.

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