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Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 5:59:33 PM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		  Ladies:     I would like to ask you a question concerning Punishment, and Discipline. I do not know if it is right for me to ask this, if not Please forgive me if I am in the wrong.     The question is Is it ok, right to discipline some one when they have no idea why this happening. In this case it is just being ignored, but feel so horrible because I have no clue as to why. I asked, but no reply?     Thank You!   jm  
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RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 6:08:26 PM   
DominaJayde


Posts: 110
Joined: 12/28/2007
From: Tasmania, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtreat4u

Ladies:     I would like to ask you a question concerning Punishment, and Discipline. I do not know if it is right for me to ask this, if not Please forgive me if I am in the wrong.     The question is Is it ok, right to discipline some one when they have no idea why this happening. In this case it is just being ignored, but feel so horrible because I have no clue as to why. I asked, but no reply?     Thank You!   jm  


Personally my sweet, I would never use that form of punishment on one of my Boys, it seems to be a very cruel way of showing displeasure, not being told what you have done wrong is poor communication on the part of the Domme, IMHO.

However are you sure that you are being punished, perhaps there is some valid reason why your Domme can't be in contact with you ATM, sometimes things pop up unexpectedly.

Hang in there.

DJ



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(in reply to subtreat4u)
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RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 6:08:41 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		If you are online and being ignored, there is a possibility that the Mistress is simply busy.  There are times that I appear to be online but am actually away from my computer, or have CM running in the background while I am at a customer site.  (I am an independent consultant and carry my laptop with me.)  Some have felt that I was ignoring them to punish them when the truth was the I was simply busy doing other things. 

I would recommend asking if you have done something wrong and if you are punished by being ignored - but in a very polite and nondemanding way.  Ask no more than once a day.  If you do not get a reply within a week simply find someone who is willing to pay you attention.  This might be a Mistress's way of telling you that she is not interested without coming right out and hurting your feelings.

(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 6:49:31 PM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		i appreciate Your thoughts, advice, and time. It is online. IM, i asked why She was ignoring me, what i had done wrong, she just went off line, Did not answer in any way.   Thought, it could be over, but also thought She would just say so. i just honestly do not know.     i do not want to jump to conclusions, or make a rash decision. Was, am still talking to two Ladies, with no commitments. Yesterday all was ok, i thought this morning this started.   Thank You   jim

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 7:32:04 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		I definitely understand your frustration. Before I ventured into this lifestyle I was in a common-law relationship. Any time I did something to tick off my partner, he'd stop talking to me for several days. I would never find out why I got the cold shoulder, he would start talking to me again when he was ready. Silence is the worst form of punishment ... emotional abuse as far as I'm concerned. I would never use this to discipline a boy. 

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RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 10:11:59 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

Was, am still talking to two Ladies, with no commitments

Hi subtreat4u,
Is this dominant aware of the other two ladies? I don't want to assume anything, I will wait for your answer before I give you my comments.

MoGa

ETA: I love your big fish! I would love to catch one like that. I strangest one I have caught was an eel in the Savannah river. My pup caught a shark off the pier in Tybee.

< Message edited by MistressOfGa -- 2/8/2008 10:14:06 PM >

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RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 10:56:55 PM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		MistressOfGa

Ma'am
She is one of two.
Yes both know of the other.
Not trying to play anyone!

jim

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 11:19:07 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtreat4u

MistressOfGa

Ma'am
She is one of two.
Yes both know of the other.
Not trying to play anyone!

jim


Jim,
You see why I didn't want to just assume?
The worse thing someone can do, Mistress or not, is to ignore someone. People who care about people don't ignore them, and if she is your Mistress, she must also (in my opinion)care about you. Wait a few days, maybe there was an emergency that she had to attend to and couldn't stop to say hi. Maybe her power went off? Maybe she didn't see your IM. I know that when pup signs off of yahoo, his name remains there for a while, making it appear like he is still online. Maybe this is the case with your Mistress? There could be many reasons as to why she ignored you and I hope it will be just a simple reason.
 
Good luck!
 
MoGa

Edited for typos

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 11:34:28 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Online is full of quirks. Problems with software, or connectivity, or someone's PC in general can wreak havok. Be patient and wait for an explination of what happened, don't assume.
If you don't hear back from the person in question after a time, then just let it go. Sometimes it's hard to do that, but lets all be honest, 'online' is full of inconsiderate people.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/8/2008 11:49:41 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No, it is not ok to punish when the submissive has no idea of what they are being punished for.  Usually, a punishment isn't effective if a person doesn't specifically know that is what is happening, and why.  How would that make the submissive want to refrain from the behavior in the future, if they didn't know what they did?  A punishment that is set up like that doesn't work, because the submissive isn't concentrating on what the infraction was, or the fact that they have disappointed their Dominant.  Instead, they are wondering why the communication stopped, or whatever discipline is put in place.




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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/9/2008 9:59:58 AM   
subtreat4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		Ladies

Thank You all for Your Supportive Advice!

I should have not wasted any of Your time.

She told me this morning she did not feel like talking, she was sick.

Thank You again.

jim

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/9/2008 10:11:44 AM   
MzStripes


Posts: 52
Joined: 12/25/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with Lady Pact...how can punishment be effective if the sub has no idea what they did wrong? Punishment needs to be given only after explanation of the infraction. Also, I would never use abandonment as a form of punishment.

Mz Stripes

(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/9/2008 10:30:34 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

What you really need to do is think about how you used the word "punishment."  Punishment is not an appropriate word to use in this case.  She was not DOING anything to you.  She wasn't doing what you wanted her to do.  She did not make a conscious decision to "punish you" and by viewing it as punishment you are partially eroticizing it OR reading into it OR making it all about you.  In the real world, people will ignore you, stop talking to you, behave in ways that are confusing and not tell you, etc.  You should not pine when someone online just vanishes or rudely stops talking to you, or start creating scenarios in your head about what is going on.  Instead, you move on with your life. 

You can't take real world behaviors (or bad behaviors, especially in dating/courting, when the 'blow off' is a common tool) and put bdsm labels on them like 'discipline and punishment.'

The lesson learned from this is your mindset went straight to "what did I do wrong, I am being punished, why is she not talking to me?" and in reality, she was sick.  Why wasn't your mindset, "What happened to her? Is she ok?"

In the online world, though, the mindset should have been, "oh well, she vanished. shit happens.  tomorrow is another day."

Akasha


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(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/9/2008 2:11:02 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		i think ignoring someone, such as saying you wont be able to speak to me for a week, is effective provided the submissive understands clearly what he has done. It is such an extreme punishment, that it certainly makes one focus on errors made, at least in my experience.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/10/2008 6:58:31 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtreat4u

Ladies:     I would like to ask you a question concerning Punishment, and Discipline. I do not know if it is right for me to ask this, if not Please forgive me if I am in the wrong.     The question is Is it ok, right to discipline some one when they have no idea why this happening. In this case it is just being ignored, but feel so horrible because I have no clue as to why. I asked, but no reply?     Thank You!   jm  

First, there is usually a difference between discipline and punishment as they are understood within the BDSM realm.

Second, how do you know this is discipline (or punishment)?  Maybe it's just real life getting in the way of online communications?  What is the nature of the relationship? 

Recalling your SN from other posts.....me thinks you get too wrapped up in people before they're deserving of significant consideration.  You may want to google the term "submissive frenzy" and understand how you might be experiencing that.....and how to cope with it.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to subtreat4u)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/10/2008 1:13:43 PM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		I'm with MisPandora on this one.  There is a difference between discipline and punishment.  Discipline is a form of training and behavior modification.  Punishment is the consequence for a poorly done job or other infraction.  The problem with online "stuff" is that real life does creep in.  If you are new to BDSM and the mistress you are interested in is temporarily out-of-touch, it is easy to feel like you are being ignored or "punished" for something.  What really fuels that fire is you have no way of knowing what's really going on until she contacts you.  If you lived with your mistress and the D/s side sort of declined in intensity, you could see the external factors contributing to it.  Patience is a virtue, my friend.  Just reach out to her and patiently await her response.  When I was starting out with Mistress, sometimes a week would pass between letters from Her.  It was nerve-wracking, but I managed to stay patient and busy to take my mind off of it.  If this woman is interested in you, she'll get back to you.  Just be patient.

Hell, to keep busy, why not go fishing again?  Do something you really enjoy to take your mind off of things.  You seem like a really sincere guy, so if she is flaking out on you, I'm sure you'll have no trouble "reeling" in a domme that will appreciate you and your sincerity!

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Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/10/2008 7:49:36 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		To answer the first question (from a slave's point of view) it is never ok to punish someone without letting them know exactly what they did wrong.

Online, though, someone could be disconnected for any number of reasons; a storm, power failure, computer problems, an emergency...

If she felt ill, it would have taken less than a minute to let you know she wasn't well, and to courteously sign off.

I find it rude to just disappear unless you have absolutely no choice.

Choose your partners carefully. You teach people how to treat you. (even if you are a sub)

~Christina

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Discipline, and Punishment - 2/10/2008 8:19:33 PM   
faithbunny


Posts: 99
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

I definitely understand your frustration. Before I ventured into this lifestyle I was in a common-law relationship. Any time I did something to tick off my partner, he'd stop talking to me for several days. I would never find out why I got the cold shoulder, he would start talking to me again when he was ready. Silence is the worst form of punishment ... emotional abuse as far as I'm concerned. I would never use this to discipline a boy. 


My first dom/fiance used this form of punishment, not just with me but with everyone. He is an emotional bully, and his friends and family lived in fear that he would cut them out of his life for the smallest infraction, because they'd seen him do it. His parents and I were the only ones who could piss him off and only be punished for a few days instead of for years or forever.

~faith

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 18
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