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RE: A delicate question... - 2/10/2008 6:28:52 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
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Even more great advice. Thanks so much.

Of course we've talked about it. I'm hardly a shrinking flower of a sub.

As BlackPhx guessed, in the world I'm a mouthy, assertive, somewhat bitchy & dynamic woman with tons of energy and drive. I run the household, work full-time, do the majority of the driving around, and share equally in the decisions that have to be made. I'm definitely not afraid to speak up.

I can't say I know what his motives are, since I haven't asked. (Note to self: ASK!) I know he's way more experienced in every area of sex than I am, and if I were to guess, it's like anything else: I love Coke, drink a ton of it, but every now and then, a Crush hits the spot. It's also been his goal to introduce me to other sides of my sexual self, and it could be he's trying to teach me how to be a "top" as it's put here. It could just be that occasionally he likes to be with a dominant woman. *shrug*

I'd bring in a third, gladly, but I get the sense this is something he wants me to do, so I really, really want to do it for him. And do it right. Then we'll bring in a third, just cause it will be fun.

For Focus50...we didn't actually start out the relationship as D/s, or really negotiate thing up front, exactly. We were sort of a "vanilla" couple. He was totally surprised after our first times together how submissive I was, having expected me to be the way I am in the world. Being a naturally dominant male with a huge range of sexual interests, this suited him fine. He asked me if I wanted to experience more, and I said yes. (Well, actually, I begged for more...hee hee.) Over the past year, he's helped me to explore this part of myself, and HOW!! I do feel out of my element, but it's not completely distasteful or hateful for me to do it, or I would simply say no. The last time, when I was angry, we both really got off on it, and now I am trying to find a way to make it happen for us again, without the argument. I needed help more with the mechanics of it, since I was at a loss of what to do.

There are definitely things I can do here, and fantastic ideas! I can't wait to surprise him!

Thanks so much for your help!!

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RE: A delicate question... - 2/10/2008 12:18:32 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

I tried switching with my first dom once at his request. The fact that i was doing what he wanted helped some, but when he told me to use the riding crop on him, i just couldn't flog him hard with it. The bj with him bound was easy.

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RE: A delicate question... - 2/10/2008 5:59:37 PM

SwPuno

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/28/2004
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I don't have time right now to read RomanticSpice's reply however as a switch who, um, submits, obviously, I can say that AAkasha gives some very good advice. The attitude can make the difference and is probably more important than technique, at least for light play. That can even go for kink porn as well, at least for me. And that does not mean screaming at the sub. For me it means being confident and ENJOYING your power over the sub, knowing they will obey (unless they're bratty or are looking to be "conquered") because they crave you and want to please you and that you know that you can play with that and take advantage of it.

Hope that helps.

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RE: A delicate question... - 2/11/2008 2:43:29 PM

subguyca2000

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/5/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

* Most submissive men react to the femdom's confidence and enjoyment of her role, more than the intensity or effectiveness of the toys (and you learn technique from practice) - so focus on enjoyment, empowerment, and letting him know how much it turns YOU on that he is helpless. Pleasure yourself in front of him, make him lick your fingers, sit on his face when he is tied up, etc.

Akasha, as usual, you hit it right on. Confidence is the number 1 part of being dominant that excites me. Last night, my partner had me tied spreadeagled to the bed, blindfolded and ring gagged, and a very short sentence "you are going to be very tired from pleasing me with your tongue" was enough to make me moan in agony. It was the tone that got me excited. The confidence.

I always say this. "There are no mistakes when we are behind closed doors. Whatever you do is wonderful. Who cares if something does not go right. It is only the two of us, and I don't care what you do, you are wonderful." So don't worry and be confident in your self.

Am I the only one that finds that ring gagged and forced oral is amazingly difficult on your tongue and exhausting? Gosh, it wore me out. And the funny thing was that my partner came within the first 30 seconds after starting. It could not be my action, but rather, her confidence in herself to torment me. Now for the second orgams, much longer story and time period....yikes, that took a while and I am exhausted.

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RE: A delicate question... - 2/11/2008 3:55:57 PM

lilabbotsfordgrl

Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
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I would be so scared if Daddy wanted me to be in control, in ANY way, I would probably cry and feel terrified and unsure about our relationship. I know other submissives who would feel the same way. You're lucky (and so is he) that you at least try to accomodate his cravings for that..... eeep :( It would really freak me out. I never want to have any control over him, ever. :(

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RE: A delicate question... - 2/11/2008 8:10:10 PM

gypsypet

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

'comfort zone' zooomm gone,
mine went right out the window when i was asked to take control, ive only attempted it once and honestly i just couldnt get into the mindset, im not sure why i couldnt, but i figure it was more afraid of hurting the man, and that was something i had no intention of doing. In the end i concentrated on blindfolding him and using different non threatining items to give very different feelings all over ie feathers, ice, chocolate, etc and of corse sex the way i chose *weg*
not sure if any of that helps but thats my 2c worth

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Post #: 26

RE: A delicate question... - 2/12/2008 6:20:50 AM

WillowRain

Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

My man occasionally likes it when we switch. The thing is, I'm completely out of my element. Totally a duck out of water. I feel awkward and weird. I'm a clumsy person, anyway, so there's a possibility of him getting injured! There's only been twice when I've done a fair job out of it, in my opinion, and one of them I was angry at him, the other just flat horny and impatient. His opinion is kind of like sex is like pizza...when it's good, it's really good, and when it's bad, it's still kind of good.

I need advice. I know all of the "it's gotta come from within you" stuff, but if it was within me, I'd be dom and not sub, right? Proper communication is key, I understand that. I know what he wants, and I've tried to do it. So, sub to sub, HELP!!

For instance, he's told me I may slap him, but I can't bring myself to do it for real. I know, it's stupid, but tell the beta dog to challenge the alpha. He likes having his wrists tied, which we have done, but what the hell do I do once I'm up there? I manage to pleasure him, I can tell, but refer to the pizza comment above. I already know the things he does to me he does't want done to him.

I'm not new to sex, by any means, I've just had very vanilla sex until now, and could use any advice anyone has. I'd love to surprise my man by aggressively taking charge and dominating him, but I don't know how to start.

So, from other subs, what do you do? Does this happen for you, and how do you handle it? Any specific tips or ideas I can put to use? Is there anything you do to enhance the mood, or is it just really just a learn from your own painful mistakes kind of thing?

Thanks for any advice you have.

This is a fun game, and just mildly bdsm kinda stuff, but it might be in your comfort zone. The idea is that he has to be completely quiet and still, no matter what you do. If he moves, if he groans, sighs, lifts his hips, you stop until he is completely still and quiet again. That way you don't have to be mean to him, you can be delightfully sensuous and wicked, do every little sweet thing he adores and if he moves, makes a sound, stop, be still, motionless until he quiets himself again. This can be a very fun game from either side. It's remarkable how hard it can be to be still and quiet, and the tease and torture of someone haveing the self control to pause quietly and wait is pretty hot. Good luck girly!!

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Post #: 27

RE: A delicate question... - 2/12/2008 3:43:11 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
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Oooo...I like that. I'm so excited now! I'm going to pull out the blindfold and the ties this friday night after work. I'm taking him to dinner, gonna wear something sexy and black, then come home and rock his world. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

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RE: A delicate question... - 2/16/2008 3:53:26 PM

StormsSlave

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Resurrecting this one for a minute just to say...

THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you thank you thank you thank you!

Absolutely brilliant!!!

We had a fantastic time, and I was able to put A LOT of this advice to use.

Special thanks to Aakasha, and Romanticspice.

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RE: A delicate question... - 2/16/2008 7:11:04 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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A few things leap to mind. First of which is if Master is happy then StormsSlave should be happy. There is no need to rest on your laurels, but he is not in a rage demanding that you do better, so why are you?

Mindset has been covered, but I will restate the point. Master commanded you to dominate him, so do it. Prior to any request from him, both of you should know his desires and limits (just as he does yours). Further, he can make the domination more appealing to you by making your education in various techinques and flavors assignments and tasks. You will passing your exam when you perform a proper scene with him. How pleased he will be with his star pupil! You might even get yourself a nice, long spanking, bound, gagged.....(feeling panties getting wet, drooling a bit, eyes glazed over.....okay back now).

He may also be wishing to introduce you to other pleasures of the bedroom (or dungeon as the case may be, hehe). Are there things that he did with you that stretched your limits? Are there things that you now do that you never thought you would do? He may see a potential in you to enjoy domination. It is much safer for you to learn with him than to risk accidents and ridicule with a stranger. It is a protective measure and may be meant to further your sexual growth. Assume he is doing this for your betterment and welfare until you have clear evidence otherwise. He may also be growing and changing himself, and that means the relationship and you will have to grow and change, too, or die.

I know it is not an easy thing for you to do. If everything he asked of you was easy and pleasant, it would not be submission. Keep good communication and do your best to obey your loving Master.

Warm Regards,
lovingpet

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RE: A delicate question... - 2/17/2008 5:01:04 AM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

Resurrecting this one for a minute just to say...

THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you thank you thank you thank you! Absolutely brilliant!!!

We had a fantastic time, and I was able to put A LOT of this advice to use.

Special thanks to Aakasha, and Romanticspice.

To all those that assisted my love with this endeavor, a solemn thank you.

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